Is it wrong for me to ask my fiancée to have my brother as one of his groomsmen?

Your fiance "seems to think he has the right to choose his groomsmen"? What kind of a bitchy statement is that? If your fiance had a female cousin, or friend he was very close to, you would have a fit if he tried to make her one of your bridesmaids. A wedding is about the couple. Not just the bride. Your fiance has every right to choose his own groomsmen. Make your brother an usher, or have him light some candles, or give a reading. I get so tired of people saying "It's your day, do whatever you want". It's not just your day, and if you go into the marriage with that attitude, it will suffer. How much input has your fiance had with the wedding? Probably not much. Throw him a bone, for Heaven's sake.

The bride has her friends and family on her side to be a part of the wedding, etc. The groom has his friends and family on his side for the same thing. You two are becoming one. Is your father walking you down the aisle? Could your brother walk on your other side, to go down the aisle? Or, possibly find another task for your brother to do with regards to the wedding? I'm sorry, but I am in agreement with your man. His side should not "have to" include your brother. A week or two of seeing your brother 5 times each is not enough time for them to get to know each other well enough for your brother to be on the groom's side of the wedding. Have you walked a mile in your man's shoes, to see how he feels-and what if it was reversed? How would you feel about bridesmaids, etc.? Being bridesmaids and groomsmen is something special, for close friends and relatives-and an honor for those asked, it should remain as such. I wish the best to both of you. Take care.

I think he has every right to pick his own groomsmen. They should be someone he feels closest too. If he doesn't feel that close to your brother, then he shouldn't be forced to have him stand up for him. Just because he's not a groomsmen doesn't mean he still can't be involved in the pre-wedding festivities and wedding party. I recommend the two of you sit down and discuss other possible roles for your brother (e.g., seating your mother, grandmother, or guests; lighting candles for your ceremony; giving a reading, etc.). I wasn't that close to my husband's sister, so I didn't feel comfortable in having her as my bridesmaid. Instead I asked her to be a hostess. And when my brother got married, his wife asked me to be in the wedding because she felt closer to me, but asked my sister to give a reading since she didn't really know her. It's not uncommon to have siblings play other roles in the wedding. Why don't the two of you sit down and come up with another role for your brother.

A wedding is supposed to be a union of two people and two families. It only seems right that you both include those people who are close to you. If that means that he should includ your brother as a groomsmen then so be it. If your fiancee does not want to include your brother in this special occasion, will he ever want to include him. I agree with you that the wedding party should be is about the people whom are closest to the bride and groom regardless of which side.

Generally, if the bride has a brother, the groom asks the brother to be one of his groomsmen. If the groom has a sister, the bride asks her to be one of her bridesmaids. It's all done out of courtesty to honor the siblings. I would say that your fiancee should ask your brother; otherwise, there may be some hurt feelings.

If your fiancee refuses, then give your brother a different role in the wedding - one that will still make him feel like he is a part of your big day.

You've received several thoughtful and excellent answers, many of which I agree with. My biggest thought is that if you've already asked your guy to do this and he's refused, then he is telling you "I don't yet feel close enough to your brother to have him stand by me at OUR wedding." I think you should accept this and remember (as some women DONT) that this is HIS wedding as well as YOURS. Therefore you should go with another option, and ask your brother to be one of YOUR attendants. DON'T refer to him as a "Male bridesmaid," but instead do what I did.... I am a guy who has a woman as one of his best friends. Instead of calling her a "groomsman," i gave her the choice of being a "grooms-aide" or a "groomswoman." both she and EVERYONE there said that putting her in the program as a "groomswoman" was both adorable and funny (in a good way).

You can ask your brother if he wants to be a "Bride's Aid" (a fun pun on Bridesmaid) or a "Bride's Attendant" or "assistant." He should not feel any embarrassment about being on your side, because it truly should be perceived of as an honor.

DO NOT LET THIS BECOME A PROBLEM IN YOUR NEW MARRIAGE. Perhaps you can ask your brother and fiance to go out for a beer or dinner so that they can discuss it honestly. I don't see anyting wrong with your fiance saying something like the following to your brother - "I know that (she) wants me to ask you to be a groomsman at the wedding, but there are some other people with whom I've been close for a long time who I feel strongly I should ask. I don't want you to think that my NOT asking you means that I don't like you, don't want us to have a great brotherly relationship, or that I don't value you. It just means that you and I have not yet had a chance to get as close as I hope we will someday, and there are others who I very much want to invite."

If your fiance and your brother are strong men who are not threatened by being close, then this should strengthen their relatoinship and not damage it. Too many men are afraid to have real conversations with other men. This is a shame.

I hope this helps. I did, in fact, have my wife's brother as a groomsman, but that decision came after we had time to get to know and like each other to apoint where I felt it was the right choice to make.

GOOD LUCK and don't let thi sruin what should be a WONDERFUL event for you!

J

You are right, and your fiance is wrong. It's quite simple, actually. The bridal party is about the people closest to both of you. It is expected that you ask your brother. I've never seen a wedding where the siblings were left out, unless there was bad blood there.

Tell you guy that he can put a maid on your side. Or have your brother stand on your side (in a tux), and call him an honor attendant.

Basically, what kind of wedding, or marriage for that matter, leaves out family? And your fiance isn't going to get to know your brother any better if he keeps trying to cut him out of things.

I think everyone is entitled to who they pick for their own weddig and nobody even family should expect to be in it.. A brides either shouldn't expect to be asked to be a groomsmen. There seems to be a lot of different opinions. Many people I ask say it's tradition for the brother of bride to not be in it and other people say otherwise.. It no way does it mean you value family differently.

It isn't wrong to ask. Weddings are about blending families together. You 2 are becoming 1. and its the same in a sense for your family. Here is a sugjestion, Ask how many groomsmen he was planning on then add 1 and add an aditional bridesmaid. that way he doesn't feel like he isn't able to include the guys that he wants as groomsmen.

Unfortunately your fiance is right-the groomsmen are his to choose, however, since there is no limit as to how many people are in your bridal party, he would lose nothing by including your brother for your sake. Asking him politely is about all you can do. It's not worth causing a rift in your relationship or to ruin your happy time of planning the happiest day of your life.

If your fiance won't go for it, how about including your brother as an usher? Or perhaps he could give you away?