If the church is against gay marriage, why do they do so little to help marriages in crisis?

Yes, the church should certainly be focused on helping people who ask for help, especially their own congregation. The sad truth is that religion isn't about love, morality, and being good neighbors. Religion is about power.

I'm not saying that all priests are bad people or preaching without having any true belief themselves, but there clearly are people who abuse their station for personal gain or to preach hate instead of compassion.

I don't know if the church could have helped save your marriage, but it is certainly hyprocritical of them to preside over it and then ignore it.

I'm so sorry you were refused counseling by your church. However, "The Church" as a whole is not to blame in this case. I was raised in a Southern Baptist home. My granddaddy was a Southern Baptist Pastor. Therefore, I think you can see that I, too, am against same sex marriages, they are an abomination before God as the Bible says. I also believe that marriage is a sacred institution, sanctified by God and that, at all cost, the church should be fighting to save marriage (the union of a man and woman, not a man and a man or woman and a woman) as a whole. Yes, this should be the churches focus. I cannot tell you how many times my granddaddy counseled with the parties of marriages in trouble, saving the marriages through prayer, Bible studies on the subject, and spiritual healing of the parties. My granddaddy mastered agape love and applied it to everything he undertook. It's a shame that this is missing in some sectors of the church today. The church, apparently, has become lax in it's view of the world according to God's word. I am deeply offended and appalled that the church would even entertain the idea of allowing same sex marriages into the Holy Sanctuary of God's house, I feel the same way about Abortion because it destroys what God has created by His will. If they don't want a baby, they should not do things to get one. Another issue that shocks me is that a certain sect of faith allows gays to govern them! They actually allow abominations before God represent them and preach God's Holy Word when they haven't the right.

I am so sorry the church abandoned you in your struggle to save your marriage. It seems the church has lost it's way, my brother. As a result, I am a child of God, nothing more or less. If God's word doesn't say it...I don't believe it....plain and simple.

I will pray for you to find a church that is righteous and concerned about the things of God and not the world.

Godspeed:)

I'm sorry you didn't get the support and encouragement you needed. The "church" is made up of imperfect people. I learned a long time ago not to depend on church people but to depend on God. If your wife wasn't willing to let God help her and your marriage, then there's nothing church people could have said or done. But, I know it helps sometimes to feel that you are surrounded by people who care and it's hard to find that these days. You still have to put your trust and dependence in God even when things don't work out like you hoped they would. People will always let you down. On the other hand, your wife's will had a lot to do with the situation. You could have the best Pastor and church family support there is but if the person isn't willing to make it work, there's nothing anyone could do.

Here's a better question for you to think of? Why are churches trying to stomp out gay marriages and ignoring all the other sins in the church. Your divorce though you tried desperately to stop it was biblical at least your wife was unfaithful in you marriage thus giving your right in Gods eye to end it and move on. But divorce for just any old reason a person can come up with is a sin (check any of the 4 gospel book in the NT). Alcoholism is a sin but I don't see churches lobbying for stiffer laws on alcohol abuse. Gossip is a sin ( look at all of Paul's writing) yet it is worse in the church than almost any other place I have seen. Oh yeah and Judging is a sin (Matthew ch 7) But that is exactly what the church is focused on doing to people whose only crime is loving someone of the same gender. I think the church as a whole need to get it priority's "straight" before they worry about who is or isn't "straight"

It's hard to judge 'the' church by 'your' church. The conservative Christian Church is many denominations, many varieties. There are some active ministries trying to help marriages in crisis and you would not have been disloyal to seek help from them.

I myself have been disappointed sometimes when I sought help from secular therapists. That doesn't mean that there isn't excellent help available from them. You have to continue to seek.I got exactly the same level of help from my pastor. The difference -and it was a huge difference - is that pastoral counseling was free.

Seek and you shall find. Emphasis on the seek.

Your wife's determination to end your marriage may have been more powerful than any therapist, pastoral counselor, or psychologist could counteract.

Having an affair is a deliberate marriage-squashing action. It's very difficult to ignore.

Churches will oppose gay marriage and why wouldn't they? There are civil unions that do not call themselves 'marriage' and give gays the rights they want. But marriage is between a man and a woman. If marriage is not between a man and a woman, then I must be free - I demand the right - to marry my roommate - the one who answered my newspaper ad and splits the rent on an apartment with me because 1) I don't care that she's a girl and I'm a girl 2) we can save money on insurance and I want to be on her health plan because, hypothetical, I'm a bartender and she's a software engineer for a huge successful company, 3) I don't have a lot of family and friends who can speak on my behalf if I were to suffer some near-fatal injury that robbed me of consciousness.

Hey, I demand that right! I hardly know this person and I certainly don't have sex with her (eeewww...) but damn it, I demand to be able to marry someone because it is not the government's business that I DON'T have sex with someone I'm married to.

Churches should back me up on this - I frigging demand it - because I always dreamed of a huge wedding (all the people from my roommate's software division and all the people from my church) where I could get a lot (a LOT) of wedding gifts. And I want BOTH of us to get to wear the wedding gowns of our dreams.

Your answer to my question was so thorough that I decided to follow you up. Your questions are equally thought provoking.

I am not sure which "church" you are affiliated with. Sometimes "Christian" is a term used loosely.

But in my own religion, I have found that each church is individual and different. I looked into several different churches in my area looking for help until I found someone. You're right, when you go to look for help in your church and they are helping other causes and not the one you seem to find yourself in need of it's frustrating and can leave you feeling all the more desolate. Maybe take this as a sign to find a way to help in your church. Use this as an opportunity to create a support group that you know you needed and that others probably need now. You may find that your church has been needing someone that understands what its like and what people need. They'll probably support you by helping you find a space and meeting time for the congregants of your church.

I think your church should have helped you and let you down. My guess is because they didn't know how to deal with your marital problems and did nothing. Each church is different, some churches would have had some type of mentoring program set up and you would have received help.

If you are still attending this church I would suggest you meet with leadership and work on getting this type of help available. I agree that the church needs to take a more active role in marriage and commitment.

OK, so i was raised catholic, and i can tell you right off we are a huge freaking bunch of hypocrites. i was married in a catholic church back home where i am from, and before doing so i had to prove i was baptized, i was confirmed, etc.... it was awful. THEN i had to endure marriage counseling because i was once divorced ffrom an abusive marriage BEFORE i could have my first marriage forgiven by the catholic church. THEN i had to take counseling because i was unmarried and had a son and was regnant out of wedlock. When we finally got permission, the church said we were to give a simple donation for their services, to the sum of NO LESS THAN $1000.00.

Church's make it almost impossible sometimes to get married, so when they make it so hard, why would they care about divorce? they figure if the marriage is worth fighting to get, why divorce.

My daddy is a satanic priest, my husband a practicing catholic that believes in the whole "barefoot and pregnant" thing, and my in~laws are die hard catholics. I quit attending church regularly when i realized at 13 that they want our "support" (cough, cough, MONEY) more than they want our faith.

The church can not help a marriage that is in crisis unless the participants of the marriage come forward and state that they need help and guidance in there marriage.

i think you should see a marriage councler about your problem. why drag the church into it or maybe a close friend or friends some things r better if they r kept quiet like in letting the church know. and as for the gay marriage issue its because being gay is aginst the bible and thats what the focus of the church is for to keep gods commandments. and anyway if u are known well in the church then you should have went to the pastor of the church for prayer and guidance. good luck