How do I accept my son with a mental disability?

Honey, it's not true that no fully functioning adult or child wants to be friends with a person with a mental deficiency. In actual fact the world is a scarier, more hateful place for those of us with a fully functioning brain than it is for people with an intellectual disability.

You don't know yet if he will never get married...many people with an intellectual disability go on to have normal happy wonderful rich full lives, fall in love, get married, live happier ever after. You also don't know if he'll ever have a job. He's only TWO and a HALF. Many things could change between now and when he is grown. Don't borrow this trouble from the future, as worrying about it now won't make it easier to deal with when the time comes, it'll just mean that you wasted years of your life worrying.

I have a child with a permanent physical disability. He is extremely intelligent in many areas, but in other areas he is a little delayed. I too have worried about how he will cope with friends, whether he will have any, whether he will be bullied, will he ever find someone to love him, will he get married, what will happen to him after I die. But there is no answer to these questions, and worrying about them is doing me no good. All I can do is focus on putting my energy into loving him and making his childhood something special.

Incidentally, he has many many friends...his personality is charming and cheeky, and he has no enemies whatsoever. He is the favourite amongst his cousins (he has a male cousin the same age who considers him his best friend, and as close as a brother).

Stop trying to come to terms with your future and his. There's a long time for that. Come to terms with it when it gets here. For now, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I can't stress this enough, there's no value in obsessing over something you can't change, just deal with the here and now and the rest takes care of itself.

Oh, and try to stop comparing your children (because consciously or unconsciously you are doing that in a way). Focusing on your daughter's intelligence and your son's lack of same will just cause you to miss out on his strengths. My daughters too are very intelligent so I understand your pride in her achievement, but it will only harm you all to compare two such different children. Who knows, your son may even have normal intelligence, he may just be a little slower in getting there, but because your daughter was so bright in comparison it makes him seem less so.

Your son will have his own strengths, give him time to develop them and work on bonding with him and discovering his talents and special qualities, the same way you did with your daughter. Your son is a special beautiful child in his own right, and his intellectual capacity doesn't define him in any way. What will define him is his support network, his opportunities, the way he is treated by his loved ones and the expectations you place on him. Don't sell him short but instead encourage him to reach for the stars...he may just surprise you by getting there!

I have a 10yr old daughter with Turner Syndrome, when she was born i read up the condition in the library and from what i read my child would be rather unatractive and "mentally retarded".. the reading were more so for a worst case TS child than the way 99% of these girls are.

I got proper advice from a doctor and things were not nearly as bad as i 1st thought. She's 10yr old now and is a very pretty girl, she is clever and does well in school, she has some problems with mathematics and writing. Her main "problem" just now is short stature she's the height of a 6/7yr old.. With propper help and support on how to manage your childs condition and help him achieve the best he can..

It is hard though accepting your child is a bit different, see if there is asupport group you can join. I did and have learned far more in the 3 yrs since i joined than i did in the 7yrs before that......

As for friends real ones will accept your child, my friend has a 16yr old aspergers grandson she looks and he's very badly affected but she's not lost friends.

the thing to remember is there will be things he may never do but also other things that he may do better, he's only 2 yrs old just now so has pleanty of time to "improve" and develop

I work as a preschool special ed teacher. I know it is really difficult to look at some of those kids and wonder how their life is going to turn out. But I can't think like that. They are happy kids now and it's my job to give them whatever education I can to make life easier for them.

I think you are going through the stages of grief. A collegue of mine told me that finding out you have a child with a disability is like finding out someone died. Because in reality all of your hopes and dreams you have for your baby when you are pg with them have died. You are hit with a new reality that was nothing like you dreamed and the fantasy life is gone. Eventually, once you have grieved for the life you son could/should have had, you will except that there is a life for children/adults with disabilities out there. A developmental delay doesn't mean that that child will be cased aside by society. It just means that they are delayed.

In my preschool room, I have all types of disabilities (from autism, to physical, to developmental delay, to speech) and I have typical peers. If you were to walk into my classroom and just looked you would have no idea who was who. They all sit and play together like nothing was wrong with anyone.

Please allow yourself to go through the feelings you have. It's normal. In the mean time, enjoy your son. I'm sure he's a cutie :)

My son is very smart to and he is 4 and he is an epileptic now his diagnosed with autism. When i first found out I went to a state of morning like i lost my son because he is different but you know what he is your son you love him. I know it's hard but i had to go and talk to someone to let the pain out and then after about 3 years i am not 100% but i am coping trust me your feeling will change mine did instead of becoming sorry for him I helped him get involved in groups where mothers were going through the same issues. You can do that to it helped me! Mothers like myself and other mothers you have been dealing with this problem longer that I have helped me too.

I work with people with developmental disabilities. Your statement about him never being able to get married or have a job is 1 million percent false. People with disabilities are just people. They have friends, live on their own, get married, drive cars, even have children. If your son has been diagnosed with a disability then he has a case manager. Talk to the case manager about your feelings. They will get you in to contact with some support. How you treat him and how much education you give you son NOW will determine how he functions as an adult. I've seen it all. I've seen adults with disabilites reduced to living vegetables with very little skills because of how they were raise. ANd I've seen adults with disabilities who got married and lead very productive lives because of how they were raised. You really need more education about the disabilities your son has. I suggest you get him properly diagnosed, get him a case manager, and learn all you can about his illness(es).

i dont want to slate you or anything but the way you are talking I think it is rather selfish. you are his Mother and if you dont have faith in his capabilities and abilities who will?

my brother has mental disabilities and epilepsy just like your son.

he may not be able to do all the things I can do but he is very happy he has a few friends and has a girlfriend at the moment. yes you may have to care for him until you die which is what I will have to do for my brother as well as my mum and dad as they are not well either but you know what you just get on with it! I will always be there for my brother and will always make sure hes happy and i wouldnt want it any other way so I think you should accept your son for who he is and help him to achieve all he can from his life

hi there...

this might sound patronizing, but I do not know how else put it out: just enjoy your child; there is no sense worring about th future, I know it is easy to say, but try.

When I was studying to be a teacher I worked two years with children with special needs; and some cases were really sad; but I saw lots of wonderful teachers who were real "friends" for those children, and in the time I spent there I was given lots of affection and joy.

The principal of the school once told me not to feel sorry for them, because it was not of the child interest to get marry or have a family, but it was of the family.

On a more personal note, my brother has a very bright trisomatic little girl (trisomatic; also known as down syndrome) and I saw them almost crumble as a family trying to come to terms with her, I do not really know how they survive the first years, but my brother and his wife tell me that they live their life by the day, and that they count their blessings. It seems that it worked for them, maybe it could work for you?

Hope it helps a bit

I have a sixteen year old who had seizures for fourteen years and now he has been seizure free for two years. He was slow to develop in everyway. He has very little friends and doesnt go out alot. He is almost seventeen and he is driving a car, working a job, has joined the highschool football team, he is not the best player on the team, but we encourage him in everything he does. he went through alot of harrassment at school, so I put him in a private school there are grants that will pay for private school. The doctors were amazed at the progress he has made. He plays the piano. Kids with disabilities are very musically talented. FInd out what your childs limits are and encourage them to do their best, and when they fail just be there to pick them up. My husband has taught me too let them grow up, and treat them just like any other child, and dont put limitations on them. It will be tuff and stressfull, but the rewards are great. Good Luck too you.

Ok, deep breath, ok...

You are panicking. He's only 2.

My middle child is autistic. Autism ranges from severe to quite mild. My daughter is high functioning. Now. When she was younger she was much more typically autistic.

We always had her participate in family functions on her level. She interacted with her peers through Girl Scouts (4 years) and she is aware of her diagnosis.

Parent your son as you would any child. Allow him to grow at his own rate. Make the provisions you have to make with the school, when he gets there.

The doctors won't predict his outcome because they can't. So much depends on what you expose him to and how you deal with the situation.

Just hold tight, love him sooo much, and allow him to develop at his rate.

I could not have imagined that my little Sissy who spent kindergarten year under the table (too much stimulus...all the bright ABC's and colors)...and who could never tell me who she sat next to in school (oh, there are other people in the classroom?)...would seek out relationships and have any type of self-initiated friendships.

It all comes with time. For your son, it's just a little more time. Once he hits his teens you can evaluate better.

Allow him his childhood. He's entitled to that,even if it is a bit extended. Chill. He'll be fine. You'll be fine.

Advocate, advocate, advocate, and when he's in HS, evaluate.

access support groups and get help. it is never going to be easy no matter how much of a super mum you are. counselling would help you come to terms with current and future issues. these types of things will help you accept that you arent alone and teach you to cope. accept offers of help whenever they are given to you. know that your son loves you but you will strain your future relationship with him and eventually resent him if you try to do it alone. he will have the same emotions that "normal" children have so you never know how his future may pan out. people are becoming more accepting and knowledgeable about differences all the time. teach your children its ok to be different. mix with able children and parents as well as challenged children. you may well have to care for him until you die but what would happen when he doesnt have you? put strategies in place to make sure whatever happens you have attempted to provide your son with as "normal" future as you could. it must be extremely difficult to accept that your feelings are normal. good on you for speaking up!