To hit or not to hit?

There is nothing wrong with teaching a child to stick up for himself. Telling the teacher will only cause him to get it worse the next time and have more kids picking on him for being a tattle tail. Have you all forgotten what it's like on the school playground? Or maybe you were all the cool kids that never had to worry about any of that.

Starting when my brother was in 1st grade, he was picked on relentlessly because he was small. It did not matter how many times a teacher was told. No one would be his friend and the kids only became more agressive. Once a kid grabbed him from behind and started choking him. The teachers were all oblivious, wrapped up in conversation. Well my brother had to stomp on the kids foot really hard in order to get out of that and get to a teacher. And guess what! Because he had stomped on the kids foot, he got the same punishment as the other kid for "violence".

If my brother had started taking some real shots of his own, things would have been different. At least the other kids would have thought twice. "Telling" only made them pick on him worse for being a "baby" and the teachers had no punishments that really effected the situation. I don't know what you all think is so magical about telling a teacher. Yes, he would have gotten punished for fighting back, but so what! The other kids didn't care about being punished and perhaps after a few incidents, they wouldn't have seen him as such an easy target. 4 Years of telling teachers did nothing and my mother finally ended up pulling him out of the school.

As to the little boy concerned in this question-did he not get hit again, after he had told a teacher?

Added details: My husband was also picked on, but he took matters into his own hands. My brother has trust issues and will not make friends, even having been around some very nice kids who were interested in being his friend. He is just afraid of being turned against. Even now at the age of 22.

My husband however is confidant and has no trouble making friends.

As far as kids with anger problems-if they truly have anger probs, then why are they thrown into a public school instead of in a special school? But I have seen a few kids with "anger-management issues" suddenly "snap out of it" when they got a good punch in the nose. If a kid never gets put in his place, then what do you expect?

A spanking is a swat or two on the bottom, used as a punishment for when the child did something so very wrong. A beating is the abusive form of hitting... when the term beating is used, it's considered to be the kind of hitting that just keeps going and the person doing it is out of control. We spank our children. We don't beat them. There really should be a forum for spankings... this question is seen everyday, I don't know why people are so obsessed with it. There is abuse, and there is plain punishment, and there is a difference between them. Ahhh, now I see. I saw your question about giving a 3 year old wine. That would definitely be considered as abuse if you really do something like that. Really sad, to see people here playing around and abusing the internet.

Definitely teaching a 4 year old to fight when put in that situation is not a good lesson at all. This will have him growing up thinking that every time he gets into a situation, that fighting is the best way to handle it.

Fighting is not the answer, and there are only certain times where fighting is necessary.

As far as what to tell him what to do, I am not sure. I hate that he is bullied, but if he continues what he is doing, he will become the bully. And you don't want that.

I would never tell my son to hit someone else (even though I may be thinking it). You can't teach your children to react with violence. Your sister in-law should have had a meeting or at least telephone conversation with the teacher on the first day he came home and said he got hit. If I was her I would be less concerned with the kid that was hitting my son and more concerned with the fact that it happened 3 times and I was not notified by the teacher.

When they're that young, yeah, it probably makes sense to do that. But that part about never hitting a girl? BAH. If girls are gonna hit the kid, they deserve to be hit back. In the ovaries.

Ooor, turn the other cheek and don't get in trouble for fighting, and maybe get the kid to start working out so he looks big and menacing and the bullies leave him alone. Yeah, that'll work. Even at 4.

that is a bad lesson. It could work with kids who are just messing with your nephew, and who are about his size. If the other kid has anger problems, or is much bigger than your nephew, hitting back can only exacerbate the problem. Plus, violence never really solved anything. I think that telling the teacher was the right thing to do.

well firstly i would have told him to tell the teacher, but obviously the teacher did nothing so yeah i would have taught him how to defend himself. might have even told him how to throw a punch. (hey, its self defense, i wouldn't want to bring my kid up so hes scared of bullies

and also like your sister i would have the two same rules, but i might add abit on to the 1st one, i would tell my son only hit someone in self defence. dont throw the first punch and also dont try and bring on the first punch (dont wait for the other person to throw the first punch) try and avoid the situation, but if the other person persists and attacks then go ahead, defend yourself, hit back!

thats what i would tell my son

At age four I would teach my four year old to tell the teacher.Teachers are taught to handle those situations,there is to much bulling going on in schools these days and the schools will not put up with it.Kids need to be taught while they are young what is appropriate behavior and what is inappropriate.Now if the child was11 years old I would teach It's always best to tell the teacher, but If he feels he needs to defend him self that's up to him .I would stress to him that there are consequents even though he didn't hit first.

That's just what she wants-a boy to grow up being a hitter! What is wrong with some people? Little boy was smarter than mom when he told the teacher. That's how it should be handled. When I worked preschool, we would then take the 'hitter' aside and tell him no hitting was ever allowed. You discuss the problem between you two with an adult and try to solve it.

2 wrongs don't make a right. her son handled it in his own way in the first place. that was defending himself and rightly so. my husband tried this same thing with our kids it gets them in trouble at school and puts a blemish on their school record for fighting. if her son takes care of it by going to the teacher as he should and that child continues to bother him she may then need to go to the school and have them call the childs parents in and confront the problem that way. but the other way all she will do is get her child labeled as a problem child just like the child hes trying to defend himself from. i know i have 2 boys, and 1 girl. i went through this with my boys.