Should a bride/groom REQUIRE family members to attend their wedding?

I have a close family and I nor they would have a problem with the kids staying behind with the explanation you have given. No comment would have been given at the wedding even without the explanation, though a polite query would have been posed asking how the kids were, etc.

If the sibling has a problem after your explanation then he/she has an unrealistic perspective of the real world that doesn't revolve solely around her.

You should be there to support her if at all possible with anybody that can make it, even if it is just you. Suggestion, get a video camera and have the ones that stayed behind make a quick video stating their congratulations and anything funny of note about how they would like to be their rather than taking final exams, etc. Put the tape into the gift box

Its understandable that your sibling wants you and your family there to share in their big day with them.

However, you have very valid reasons for not wanting your children to attend. Final exams are important, especially for high school seniors, and I'm sure your son's autism makes things a bit different.

Your sibling and soon to be spouse SHOULD understand the circumstances. They were in high school once. Your sibling has had 14 years to get to know your son's condition.

Hopefully your sibling's marriage will be in the 50% that last, so you and your family should have plenty of time to visit with the newlyweds. It sounds to me like your sibling is a bit out of line "requiring" people to attend the wedding.

Best of luck to them, and to you anyway!

I agree with much of what has been said. You are not required to attend any event, even as such. An invitation is simply that - an invite. If you feel that it is within your children's best interest for them to stay behind, than do so! They are YOUR children, not your siblings. If they have some kind of problem with that, than they are just going to have to deal with it.

I have to say that I totally agree with your decision, and would have done the same.

Good luck to you - hope things go better than it seems they will.

Your sibling is a brat.... I can't image demanding anyone to be at my wedding except for the groom! LOL

It's completely understandable that your children can't go and it's insane to demand it. It's very selfish on their parts- um so your daughter should fail her test, get a bad grade and go to a second rate school because of a wedding? Plus with a child with autism... IT's your decision as a parent to decide if this is the right thing to do. And your sibling should understand and respect your decision.

I think your wonderful for putting out the effort to go- just the two of you.

I can understand them wanting their close family there...but the fact that you have an autistic son and a daughter taking finals that week needs to be taken into consideration on their part. It is ridiculous for them to expect the kids to be there, and why on earth would they want someone they love to be so miserable at a gathering that makes them uncomfortable because there is too much stimulation?

I think it sounds like you have made the right choice and if your sibling can't understand that, then what can you do? Having kids means making sure you have their best interests at heart always, and they will realize that one day. For now though, if they can't get over it, its not your problem to deal with.

And if you don't drag your kids with you...to their detriment...are they gonna sic the Wedding Police on ya....

This is a wedding invitation...and by it's very nature one has the right to decline, either for themselves or their minor children if it's in the best interests of their children.

Your 14 year old should not be made to suffer thru a wedding for the gratification of your sibling...your child comes first.

Attending your sibling's wedding will not help your daughter graduate high school-passing her exams will. Attending the wedding will not help her in her future or college/career choices....passing her exams will. Her future comes first.

Your sibling is waaaaay out of line and should be told so..this is a wedding not a command performance before The King....let him be very angry....if it were me I'd tell him the welfare & future of my kids comes first...so we come alone,my husnabd and me, or we don't come at all.. and if they were a truely loving and concerned uncle & aunt they would want was is best for their niece and nephew and not insist on gratifiying their ego to the detriment of the children's well being...Good Luck.

No, your sibling is being ridiculous! In my family, one of my parents would have made a big effort to go while the other stayed home and looked after the kids. That way, even if your whole family cannot attend, at least YOU, the sibling, are there and I would think that would mean a lot to your sibling. I would understand if one of my siblings whole family couldnt come, but at my least immediate sibling did.

It is sad when people forget that golden rule. Would they want to be demanded - no matter anyones circumstance. Most people don't respond well to being told what to do. It is understandable to want to share such an occassion with family... even understandable to be dissapointed if they can't/ won't go. but very pretentious to demand it.

I also firmly believe, it is the responsibility of the one inviting to offer up options and maybe even money to those who claim they can't or wont come (for what ever reasons) IF they so badly want them in attendance.

The right answer is do what you need to do, at the end of the day that will be what matters.

The recommendation is, if what you do is different from thier expectations, take the "bigger man" path and do it gently.

All the best!

My dear basket. Darling, no, you are not required to do anything. Your sister cannot subpoena you to a wedding, nor order you to bring your children. Tell your bratty sister that you are coming, childless. If she has a problem with this, and cannot be a gracious hostess, then you will stay home, and save yourself the aggravation of listening to her childish babble. End of conversation. And, have a splendid time. Try to focus on visiting with some of the elderly aunts or family friends that you have not seen since you were a tyke. Don't focus on such childish brats such as your sister, the bride.

I hear you, we live in the back of beyond and its an ordeal that requires great planning and time off work and extra money to be found in order for us to attend family gatherings. we do our best but we miss the odd one and our family has no 'issues' with it!

your sibling is out of line demanding attendance of everyone, especially under circumstances such as yours. i think that although we try to make everyone happy most of the time, there comes a time when we have to say enough, you have to put yourself and your family first. that time has come.

send your apologies, your reasons and a lovely gift. if she/he can't understand then they arent' the person you thought they were. good luck with it all and you are right, so stand firm! take care!