Step moms without children?

no i don't think no one should come before anyone children!!!!!! and i hope dad's never let someone come between there children!!!! if a woman knows there kids involved then they should not get married to a man with kids!!!!!

It's a balancing act. Children do come first, but I really believe tht it's not a black and white statement.

You should be treated as if you were their mother. You do come before them because you are his wife and their stepmom, but not BEFORE them for purposes of choosing between them and you. He shouldn't have to choose between you and his children and a good father will never choose the woman over his children in a situation of divorce and remarriage.

example 1: if you are disciplining the children he needs to back you up. you need to provide and show a positive united front...the same way the biological parents should be with their children.

example 2: if you are clearly disinterested in the children and can't wait for them to be at their mom's kinda thing and the kids bring it up to him... he backs THEM up and discusses the matter with you.

example3: if you are a good step-mom and the kids are rude to you because they are "mad" about things... then he should back YOU up and put his kids in their place.

Fact of the matter: you have married a man with children and they are a package deal. You have to learn peacefully with all of them. Best wishes!

I am not a step mom but my best friend is and she would never even CONSIDER thinking she should be put first. She loves her fiance's daughters to pieces and treats them as her own. Also-on the flip side I am a single mom and my b/f of almost a year makes no question that my son comes first in every aspect of my life. They are buds.

Well, if the children were put first in the first place, there would be no divorces.

As his wife, you should strive to fall in love with his children as much as you fell in love with him. Children are the only victims when adult relationships end. I put his children first, even better than he did. For christmas, I bought a plane ticket for him to fly to where his children lived, so he could spend the week between christmas/new year with them. To this day, his children thank me for restoring their relationship with their father, even when his marriage to me ended. (He was a piece of work-long story)

I feel that when women stop competing with children for their husband's attention, and immerse themselves into the role of mother to his children, and develop a true affection for the kids, that is when a real family is healed and established. Why do you need to come before his children? I am not a step mom without children, but I have been a step mom that did everything I could to strengthen the relationship between my former husband and his own children. I have never regreted that decision. God knows what I was trying to do, and He took it from there. And I am also a mom that sees my ex's wife being so petty whenever my sons are there-she competes with them for their father's time to the point that they really dislike her. It is so sad. She is missing a great opportunity to touch the lives of her husband's kids, but she is too busy being jealous and insecure, to realize the gift she has been given as a woman-to influence the next generation. And she may never know just how much her husband would have thought of her for being in love with his kids, too

Children are not the enemy, they are not competition, and if you truly love HIM, why would you have to come before them?

My current husband loves my children, and calls them his own! And that makes him the greatest man ever in my eyes, and I love him more for it.

No! His children should come first. Just as you would want yours and his children (if it came to be) to be first. The kids should be the first priority! He can love you, provide for you, support you, respect you, etc. without having to say "look kids, she comes first." Part of what you love about him is probably the fact that he is such a good father and is willing to make sacrifices for his children, don't force him to change that, you will regret it in the end.

Interesting question. Children should always come first and the majority of step moms will say that. But the question is - how many of them actually live it? In my experience, I have seen step moms say this but when the man puts his kids first, they do things to cause trouble, i.e. sulk, pout, etc.

No such luck>wives come an go children are forever> If you try to be #1 you will lose>Place yourself with not between them>don't forget the X wife she is in there also>Between you and him & the children>Good luck you have taken on guite a large task>

Nope! His children were there way before me, and therefore they should always come first. Although my stepkids are grown, they are still their father's children! I know that I am very important in his life, and accept that and wouldn't change it! It's very important they keep their relationship!

The children should always be the first responsibility in a second marriage. Chronologically and biologically and logically... :)

no one should EVER come before the children. even in the original marriage.