I was invited to a wedding shower - long story?

This sounds like the classic case of the bride to be inviting anyone she knows for the presents.

I would get her a card and leave it on her desk at work when she isn't there and decline the invitation. Say in the card that you are happy for her, but you have other plans for that day already and you can't make it.

If you think other people at work are in the same boat as you with the invitation, see if anyone wants to go in on a group present...if you feel so inclined that is.

The good thing is, you are a supervisor, so if she acts like an idiot about you declining to come, she is the one who will look like a moron.

No, that is very rude. It's like expecting a gift but not caring if they are there to see you get married or not. That's horrible. If you're on a budget - only include the people you can afford to invite. Leave them out entirely if you can't afford to follow up with a wedding invite. WOW - if any of these people are your future in laws friends - you're really headed down the wrong path there! If you are limited on space for your wedding - then you are limiting the number for your shower. Your wedding shower is only supposed to include your closest friends and family anyway. The shower isn't just to try to include people so they can celebrate by buying you presents. That's awful. It seems like a selfish attempt to get people who like you to give you presents without having to spend money on them. The whole thing is - that by the time all is said and done - you are going to end up with more checks and gifts than you can imagine. You are going to end up way ahead. So, if space is limited - it's limiting your shower too. If they like you so much that they have to buy you a gift - fine. But, you can't invite people to the shower like you love them sooooo much and then don't invite them to the wedding. It's just not nice.

Sounds more like a taker than a giver. There is nothing wrong with declining an invitation to a shower. For that matter, you aren't required to give a reason, either. Just let her know you have other plans if she insists on an excuse.

Remember, too, that etiquette for a bride is to invite her boss. It's thought to be considerate and polite. You will probably be getting an invitation to the wedding as well, which you also do not have to attend. The thoughtful bride (though perhaps not the most thoughtful employee) is just trying to include you in her celebrations.

I guess it's too late to ask why you stuck your neck out for her. That's something you should only do for an employee who will be an ASSET to the company.

The polite, but better, thing to do would be to tell her you'd do what you can, then be honest with HR, or not even talk to HR about her at all.

Anyway, you can decline the invitation; you aren't even friends. You are "unable" to attend (express regret at this, even though you feel none).

Then spend the time however you like.

Do NOT make up bogus reasons. You can't make it.

No, you needn't get or send her a gift.

Follow your gut and decline the invite. Sending a gift is optional. I wouldn't even offer an explanation or excuse..... a simple "sorry, can't make it" should suffice. As a supervisor, it's probably better to keep your distance anyway, plus given her history with the company and current "bad vibes", it's best for you not to get involved with this woman on a personal level. As you say, you put your neck out to recommend her for the job she has currently, so you've done your "good deed for the day" re this woman, for a long time to come.

If you usually buy for those you work with then get her something even if you don't go to the shower. Or go in on a gift with other co-workers that may have been invited. Most women register for gifts for a bridal shower so that is really common. It is up to you but if you have to work with her I would be the bigger person and not cause any rifts.

Don't put yourself through such torture. If you don't like her and don't want to go, then don't. Also, you do not owe her a gift either, so don't bother with that. At the most, and only out of kindness that she clearly does not even deserve, maybe just get a card. Otherwise, keep your relationship professional. Weddings are personal, so don't cross that line if you don't really want to anyway.

EDIT: If she wants to get another job, I'd say good riddance. The sooner the better.

I agree w/ the person who said she may have invited you only to look like she wasn't excluding you. It's tricky to decide who to invited to a wedding, especially when you are talking about someone who is your supervisor and the two of you have as rocky of a relationship as you describe.

I think, if for no other reason than to be polite, say that you have a previous engagement that day, get her a small gift, and give her your best wishes for happiness.

I would make up an excuse to why I couldn't attend, then later on give her a congratulatory card with a small gift like 10 dollar gift certficate. Or maybe not even that much of a gift. Up to you!

Setting an example of the best etiqute you go. Then be cautious about how to keep the ralationship alive and whether to keep it or severe depends upon your judgement of the person.

At least due to this neutral gesture she will realise her mistake (if there was any)