I was adopted. How do i tell my mom i want to meet my birth mom w/ out hurting her feelings?

I don't agree with some others, it is not your job to sit her down and tell her,...but do it in a way you are comfortable with. I felt most comfortable by sending her a bunch of flowers and a card telling her that I loved her and always will but that now that I am able to, I am searching for my mother. Now some people may think that isnt giving her enough support, but to be honest as my amother said to me later - that isnt my job, it isnt my job to reassure her about her own emotions. It's not to say it was easy for her, but that as the parent dealing with her emotions about me finding my family was for her to do, and not for me to reassure her about other than I love her. If your smother is really ucofortable talking about adoption, maybe a conversation now isnt the best. My amum was uncomfortable about it back then too...now she regularly seriously asks after my sister/mother etc and I can share freely about my original family.

As an adoptive parent, I would want my children to come to me and tell me if they wished to find their birth parents. And I would give them every support and consideration in helping them to achieve this.

Is your mom a single parent, or do you also have a Dad? I am thinking that perhaps if your Dad is more open to discussing adoption, you might start with him and let him know you are thinking of searching for your birth mother. Then, with his support, you could sit and talk to your mom about it. It sounds like you love each other very much. She might be a little upset at first, but because of her love for you she will surely be supportive in the end. Good luck!

I know how you feel...i was adopted too. When I was 16 I found my birth mother....my mom was anything but thrilled....she cried and threw a fit. But it was very hard to make her understand that it wasnt because I didnt love her...because I do more than anything. I was just curious...for once I wanted to see someone with my face...It was hard at first but eventually she understoof and she is fine with it now. I have been up to see my birth mom a few times, but we mostly communcate through letters....and I never talk about my birth mom around my adopted mom...just to keep the families seperate.

First of all how old are you? I think you should wait until you are at least of age. Only because you dont know the reason your birthmother gave you up and it may end up hurting you.

Speaking from an Adopted Parents point of view it really hurt me when my daughter reunited with her birth mother at first. But now I am so happy for her. I felt like someone was trying to invade my space but really it was her space and she should be able to fill her space the way she wants. I did however tell her that I will always be there for her. And today I took her to her birthmothers house to pick up some wedding pictures.

Just be careful not to say harsh words to your mother. An old saying is "dirt washes harsh words dont"

Good luck, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mother so you should just be able to talk to her and be honest about the subject. Be careful with words and be tactful. Let her know that you love her very much and this in no way an attempt to hurt her. You have no intentions of looking to her as "Mom" b/c you already have one. The one who raised you. Maybe she can even help you on this journey to find your bio-family. After all, anyone who has ever adopted has to be aware of the possibility of their child wanting to search. It's only natural. Just work her in slow. Reassure her that you aren't going anywhere. Be honest with her. Momma's always know, even what we don't always want to tell them. So she is bound to find out sooner or later that you have a desire to find your birth mother.

Say a silent little prayer and ask for guidance. Then in the best way that you know how, let her know what's on your mind. I wish you the absolute best and I hope this helps to encourage you.

Wow this is difficult. My sons are both adopted. I love the adoption process and world. Your mom was given a loving gift (you) from a woman she most likely doesn't know. If it hurts her, comfort her...let her know that you have 2 mothers. One that bore you and one that raised you.

As a parent of adopted children, I had to realize "before" I adopted, that if I was going to ever fear them searching, then adoption was not for me. I don't know how else to say, their mothers, gave to me a gift I could never repay. They shared their children with me. I hope this helps.

Just know this, regardless, you are beautiful. You mother may be sensitive, but if you invite her to meet your biological mother with you, perhaps to thank her, she may end up being very supportive.

Good luck!

I am both adopted and have 2 adopted children- so I see both sides of your issue. It is so wonderful that you love your mom as much as you say you do- start by telling her your decision to meet your birth mom has nothing to do with a lack of love or respect for her. My son met his birth family for the first time last year- he is 19- some adoptees need to meet them and others don't- I have been fine not meeting mine- but if you really feel you want to - I really believe she will understand. The most important thing that you can do is re-assure her of your love for her.

One other thing, how old are you? My kids knew that when they were 18 I would help them search if they wanted too

I am sorry your mom does not appear to you as wanting to talk about your adoption.

Is there someone that your mom is very comfortable talking to that also you love that can get some information for you?

Maybe your dad? An aunt? One of you mom's best friends?

Your mom must feel insecure some how or maybe she does not want you to get hurt. It is best to find out first.

Then, you can have a heart to heart and explain to her that looking into your bmom has nothing to do with your love for her. She was the one who raised you or is raising you and has taken care of you: give examples.

Then explain the reasons you want to find out more and let her know that you are ready for the reality whatever that maybe.

In life I have found that to embrace what is given gives you much more joy and is more fulfilling than when we focus on what is not given which can bring pain, anguish and ultimately lead you to waste precious time toward the positive in your life.

I wish you the best in your journey.

I know it is very scary, I just came out and said it to my adopted mom when I was 14 and she said I have no other mother than her, this made me mad and I ran away. I never had to go back I lived with real siblings, I wish I had waited to decide to search when I turned 18. Good Luck you have a tough decision.

Sit her down. Be honest, sincere and look her straight in the eyes and tell her how much you love her. Then tell her that you want to search for your birth mom. Remind her that your search has nothing to do with her. That your search is about you and your desire to know where you came from.

I hope your mom can get over her insecurities and support you in your search. Thats my advice as an adoptive mom. Good Luck.