Should my 12-year-old son really have incest stories and videos saved on his computer?

At the age of 12 he is just getting into his hormones.

I'm not saying that it is a good thing, but it is in no way abnormal.

Don't tell him you looked at his cookies! If you tell him what you did then he will just make sure that he cleans out the tracks next time.

You SHOULD sit down with him and explain that some things are just not age appropriate and porn in GENERAL is not a positive thing.

REMEMBER! HE IS MALE!

If you take his computer away from him or install a filter he will just whack'it to something else... Find mag's, download stuff at friend's houses...

HE IS MALE AND HE WILL MASTURBATE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

If you freak out about it then he might think it is a shameful thing instead of the NORMAL AND NATURAL act that it is.

If he likes incest stories then that is what he is into... I know an 18 year old FEMALE that has never been molested that has her fiancé write her incest stories.

It may not be "Socially Acceptable" to have erotica of this nature out in the open but it is in no way "Abnormal".

People are into what they are into and freaking out about it will only make them hate themselves.

He is your son, you care about him, but he is a NORMAL MALE and though you may always see him as a baby, he is growing into his hormones and there is nothing you can do about it.

It is age appropriate for him to start figuring out what he is into sexually at this age... Again, everyone here will say "But he is still a BABY!" but his sexual urges are making themselves known to him and if he happens to be into the whole "Teacher & Student" idea then you may not LIKE it but there is nothing you can do to CHANGE it.

Teacher & Student is one of THE MOST sought after themes in erotica... It is really high up there on the list...

He is exploring… He is trying to come to terms with this new surge of sexual feelings that has flooded his brain.

Tell him you dislike him looking at porn and reading erotica but that there is nothing “Evil” or anything to be ashamed about.

Good luck… But PLEASE remember… He is a NORMAL adolescent boy.

If it were me, I would definitely not let it go.

There are a few things I would do to do, if I hadn't already:

1.) I would accept that my son is a sexual being going through puberty and no longer a little boy, and that curiosity about some things doesn't mean a sincere interest or compulsion.

2.) I would put the computer in a central location and monitor his activity.

3.) I would teach him what is and what is not deemed appropriate sexually by society, the law, and your beliefs while he lives under your roof.

4.) I would get him a male role-model to spend time with - preferably someone who won't molest him; like an uncle who you know has never molested his own kids and is a stellar parent. If not possible, I would get him onto a sports team.

5.) I would read books about sexual behavior and boundaries in the event that I had to take things a step further if he did something inappropriate or developed an addiction to pornography.

6.) I would remind myself that his father "just let him go" and that I would not ever consider stooping to his level of negligence because it is hard enough for a boy to see his father abandon him. I would remind myself that I am mother and father.

At 12, your son does not have the emotional maturity yet to deal with a confrontation. It will most likely clam him up and you know what's going to happen next, he will make sure that he will delete his browsing history.

I came across something similar with my son i.e. unsavoury sites he had gone to. I waited for an opportunity to speak to him when it was he and I. Calmly, I told him that I am aware what he is looking at in the internet. He went very quiet and couldn't look at me in the eyes. I followed this statement with re-assurance that I understand he would be curious but it is not yet the right time for him to be exploring these things. I also assured him that I am not angry, but rather I am concerned, and explained how in the internet there are a lot of unsavoury characters lurking and prying on children. I then talked to him about trust --- that it has to be earned. So for him to earn my trust to use the internet appropriately, then he has to prove that he is not visitng those sites again.

At the end of the conversation, I told him that I love him that is why I am concerned and I only want him to be safe. He hugged me and said sorry and we never spoke about it again.

In the meantime, I changed from desktop to laptop, so when he is accessing the internet to research his homework, he can do that where I am. I don't tell him that he has to do it there so I can watch what he is accessing, but instead, I told him that it's easier with a laptop so he can work on his assignment for example in the kitchen while i am preparing dinner, or work on it in the loungeroom while i am folding the laundry.

My son is not dumb, he's a straight A kid. But he's keeping to our agreemeng about trust.

Be gentle. Just tread carefully so you don't push your son away to sneak off when you're not watching.

Allow him to go to fun sites (my son loves manga nd anime), and start a conversation what the site is about and take interest. Most importantly, keep your side of the deal. We too have to earn our son's trust.

My main concern wouldn't be whether or not he CAN access these things, but WHY he is. He may have had experiences you don't know about. It's common for young people to look for stories of things they can relate to, so they don't feel so alone. Especially when it comes to something as private at sexual abuse. Be prepared, though, for him to lie if you ask him about it. Even the most honest, trustworthy kids won't be forthcoming with this information. He'll probably be mortified that you found that on his computer and will try to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible. If you believe there is an underlying cause, I suggest setting up an appointment with a counselor- a third party who isn't emotionally involved- and drop him off alone. A therapist would be more likely to get to the bottom of it. If you mother intuition tells you it's just a kid being curious, drop it, and keep your eyes open for future signs/signals.

The first question is why the question? Of course you should talk to him about it. Some curiosity is natural, but this is way off center.

The second question is what took you so long to check what's going on in his computer? 12 is too young to operate on-line with no parental controls.

Your daughters probably know a lot about what's going on in his life that you don't know. Ask them if there is anything you should be concerned about and ask for their help in communicating with him effectively and sensitively about his sexuality.

He's a young boy probably having feelings he does not yet understand, however, you need to talk to him. Its there for a reason. Seek help now, as early as possible just in case....I know it's probably an awkward situation, but talking to him about this and being there for him is the best thing you can do right now (in addition to getting help of course).

Good luck :)

That's an interesting question

i'd definatley talk to him about it, but not in a way that's going to embarass him. if he feels embarassed or like he's doing something wrong, he'll just end up doing it more, but more secretley. (not that he shouldn't be embarassed, or not that it's ok to do)....if i had to approach my son with an issue like this, i would want him to feel like he could talk to me about it, without feeling judged. so i would start off by letting him know that i found what was on his computer, and that he can tell me anything he wants to. just put yourself in his shoes, and imagine how it would feel to be busted in a situation like this, then think of how you would want to be approached. just don't be pushy, because it could push him into not telling you anything about why he's doing it. i hope this helps!

Firstly it is quite normal for little boys to want to marry their Mums and for girls to want to marry their Dads. It takes a while for them to realise that they have to find someone new of their own. Also as teens they often flirt with their opposite sex parent as a way of practise, also normal.

But I would be very concerned about finding this stuff on his computer. Does anyone else use it? Could it be that someone else has been looking at this stuff and not your son?

I would look into other areas of your lives together and make sure everything else in your relationship with him is normal. Chat to him about how things he looks at now will stay with him if he is not careful and they will colour his sexual experiences for life, therefore he should make sure what he looks at is 'normal' stuff. Make it quite clear what normal is and supervise his computer use. My son only got his own computer at 15 and there were severe lectures about what he should look at on it.

Younger kids on a computer should be in a communal room.

You seriously need to have a serious talk with him. That is extreamly disturbing. You need to ask him why he has been looking at such stuff, if there is a reason.

Who told him about the site? etc etc.

Do not shout as he will just clamp up, and deny everything claim it was a pop up or something.

talk to him alone, when your daughters are not about.

I realise it's disturbing for you, and you prob feel sick to your stomach the thought of your little boy, viewing such filth.

But you are his mum and he may need help.

Talk to him asap.

I wish you all the best