What would you do if your Step son did this?

The SS is acting out badly and this will only get worse. Hitting, rebellion, cursing, and flashing himself will eventually lead to worse behavior. At 11 he is starting to get big, and the aggressive streak is not going to help. Don't wait until he is raping the girls, doing drugs or whatever.

You need to get your husband on the same page with you fast, and probably bring in a professional family therapist. Ideally, you need to get this kid's mom involved as well. Everyone needs to be in this for the sake of the kid. If the kid's mom is actively encouraging this bad behavior, then the visitation needs to be rewritten to "supervised visitation only" there at the courthouse.

The MIL is not going to improve matters as long as she encourages this behavior. The passive-aggressive junk cannot be allowed. It would be better to find a neighborhood kid to some in and sit instead of the MIL.

Do whatever you have to do to get control over this kid. That means taking away favorite toys, grounding, and spanking. Don't back down because there are 3 other kids at stake here.

Your next step will be to send this kid back to his mama to deal with.

Consider getting a privacy lock for the girls' room now.

I had a similar problem when I first got married. SD & SS were both spoilt rotten by the in-laws and could do no wrong. When I came along and laid down some rules, they started playing up and throwing fits (because thats what they did in the past to get their own way), the choices were to give in and they would carry on being like this, or to discipline them and change their behaviour. I chose discipline because I did not want (or have) to put up with any additional crap. I was not popular for the first few years and was even accused by their grandfather of abuse (he later apologised very tearfully when he saw the change in them). The are in their early 20's now, and I still get birthday cards and fathersday cards from them, and yes I am still their father.

The problem with discipline is that is has to be consitant or else you are wasting your time. Kids will always test their boundaries, but without boundaries they are lost.

Good Luck

I have been in similiar situation. But we had 7 kids between the 2 of us, his, mine and ours.

Anyway, your hubby needs to back you and support you 100 % or NOTHING will work. Next hash out the house rules ( not just for him, but for everyone, ) and the consequences for the infractions. Be willing to compromise and put yourself in hubbys shoes, and be careful not to seem like you are attacking or picking on his child or he will become defensive.

Next , hash out rules to the MIL and this is where hubby will have to stand his ground and make it clear to her what the rules are not just for the kids, but your house and respect of you and all.

If he is unwilling to stand his ground to the MIL or she is unwilling to support the two of you , then I would suggest getting a baby sittor that that hour. MIL can visit the kids when one of you are home.

The ex is going to be the problem. If you 2 are not on a very civil manner , I would suggest hubby speak to her on his own. If things are civil, then maybe the 3 of you can get together and find out how the boy acts with her or see what the sister says. If mom says he acts like that at her house, then I suggest counseling and he might need a psychiatric evaluation to find out if he has other problems , such as Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

The 2 of you are going to have to be firm, and CONSISTANT.

Also when he is being good, or helps you out like taking out the trash, etc, call him on it and tell him Thanks, or I appreciate you sharing with your sister, etc.

He sounds jealous, not just of you and his new step siblings, but also of his own sister. Normal in this situation, and he blames you for his parents being divorced. No matter he knows the real situation. You being married to his dad means his parents are for a fact not getting back together. I would love to say it gets better or easier. In some ways it does, and hopefully with maturity and both you and his dad being supportive of each other when dealing with him it will.

at this age kids are very difficult specially when they are going back and forth between parents who are separated or divorced.. they dont seem to really understand what has happened in their lives.. be patient with him i know he gets the best of u.. but dont let him feel that he is right about u.. more likely he feels he isnt part of the family and that u love ur children more then u will him ,... try to spend more time with him and talk to him.. about how he feels.. ask ur husband to do the same and spend more time with him and the family.. u have to know why he is acting the way he is.. good luck

wow, it sounds like your boyfriend or husband really needs to sit down with his son and talk to him. The boy may be having a really hard time, all of you should sit down together and explain to the vhildren that you are trying to be a family now and they will need to support each other. Is the boys mother in the picture?? she might be able to help also..

This kid is 11 HOLY COW! I'm really sorry, but you need to talk with your husband because your husband is that boy's drill srgt. not you... I'm not saying that your a bad step mother because I remember my step mother, I didn't dislike her, I just wasn't going to hear it from a woman who wasn't my mother. This boy needs to realize that he can't have his way, when he sees that he can't push daddy around and daddy is going to support you than he's gonna realize he can't get to you otherwise daddy will be discussing the facts with his bare hand against his son's butt. If you want your child to love you, you need him to realize he needs to respect you, and evolve to the revelation of your love for him (which I'm guessing you do as much as your son as your true children) I come from a really messed up family as far as whos whos kid. I know what stepparenting is all about from the childs point of view.

But, I'm only 18 so don't consider me a seasoned true expert on this thing. I just know what I had to go through before I respecte my dad and his wife. I didn't respect my stepmom so I disrespected my daddy. Hope I helped even though I'm prob young enough to be your son :/

Im sorry you have to deal with this.

There are alot of great ideas here, I suggest that all the adults to sit down and address his behavior together and you guys all have to work with each other, by agreeing to keep the childrens interests everybodys top priority. SS behavior can no longer escalate.

kids suffer quite a lot emotionally in the aftermath of a divorce.... and when they have to share a parent with a new spouse, sometimes the sh*t hits the fan.

your stepson's behaviors seem to be those of someone who is emotionally troubled... he probably feels that you and your kids have 'taken his father away'.

we both know this isn't true, but your step son probably doesn't. i'm sure he has lots and lots of issues and feelings over what's happened in his life since his parents divorced.

some kids think the divorce is their fault.

blacking out your kids' faces in that picture told quite a story -- he feels left out and perhaps as if his father has abandoned him. pulling his pants down is a cry for attention -- even if it's negative.. he wants some attention.

i was divorced and i noticed my younger child had many issues, and also acted out. i took him to a therapist and she did him worlds of good. believe me, it was worth every dime.

Your son is being dealt with unfairly in that he had to come back living house from his grandmother's to entertain his step brother. the doorstep son has visitation to work out his father; no one else is fairly obligated to visit with him. notwithstanding, I understand the doorstep son desirous to spend on my own time consisting of his dad. like it or not, he's your husband's "actual" (organic and organic) son. He merits some on my own time consisting of his dad. also, your little ones stay consisting of your husband; the boy only receives to visit consisting of his dad. They actually are entitled to some bonding time, in basic terms both of them, at the same time as they get to visit. On visitation weekends, enable all and sundry do their very personal element: your son can visit consisting of his grandmother if he needs, and Hubby and Junior can carry out somewhat father/son issues.

where is their dad? why is he not doing anything about this? i'd be making him deal with it. as for MIL... she shouldnt be stopping your child from calling you and she SHOULD be stopping him from exposing himself to your daughter! I'd be having a serious talk with his dad about this and making him deal with it. You shouldnt have to.