How do I deal with this? I need to vent....?

I simphatize with you since it is such a frustration... but all you can do to deal with this situation is to leave it alone and learn how to control yourself... the more you talk about it the higher anxiety he will feel and the more cigarretes he will smoke... Every non smoker says quit it as if we did not know as a proved fact what we are doing and the dangerous of it... but trully not even ourselves can just choose to quit until you feel you are ready to do so... I am sure he loves you and your children deeply and this has nothing to do with him not seeing what he is doing or igoring the signs much less being inconsiderate towards your feelings or the consequences his bad habbit could bring... it simply has to do with a choice he made long time ago and today it controls him more than he can control it... Breath deeply, concentrate in his good qualities and stop being so afraid something will happen, negative thoughts attract negative things, since you can think anything positive about this try to distract your mind from it and dont think at all about it... If one day he is ready that is the only way he will light up his last cigarrete and never touch one again, he will hate the bad smell of cigarretes after that... other than that all you can do is pray for him ( but please not with him about it...)... Best of luck to you...

You're in a difficult position, which I'm sure you're quite aware of. The fact is, when you met him, he was a smoker. You would think that life altering instances would make someone stop living dangerously, but it doesn't. You're dealing with someone who has an addition that is stronger than an addiction to Heroin.

Quitting is an extremely hard thing to do. I'm not sure if you were ever a smoker yourself, but truth be told: You can't help those who don't want to be helped. If he is not interested in quiting, he's not going to. Regardless of the family ailments.

It might sound selfish of him and I agree that it is, but really it doesn't sound like there's much that he's interested in doing to rectify this situation. It's obvious he does not care about your concerns or feelings because if he did, he'd stop.

I don't want to tell you to give up, but you may be beating a dead horse here. You've made your point clear on several occasions and unfortunately, he's not willing to back down.

He won't stop smoking until he's ready and don't think that for a second he will stop if he gets sick, God forbid. Most smokers don't stop due to an illness.

I don't want to put a dark cloud over your day, but this is my honest opinion. I do feel for you and your family and I pray that he chooses to quit. Take care.

Well those are all valid reasons for quitting but smoking is a huge addiction it's the hardest habit to kick-if he wants to quit-he'll quit-but even if you give him an ultimatum he might not quit-it's a control thing or "his" thing it sounds goofy and believe me he knows it's a horrible habit but if you had a problem with the smoking it's kind of "too late now" for better or worse. Especially if you knew-it would have been worse if he hid it from you-I'm not trying to sound rude but instead of quitting see if he'll cut down a bit

yes smoking does cost money but a pack might cost $10 and a smoker just doesn't care-it's an addiction-You can get angry and threaten but it's his choice...

Good luck but have faith!

There is a device which can put small holes in the side of the bottom of the cigarette.

I'll try and find a link.

Basically this allows more oxygen into the cigarette and each draw / puff contains less smoke.

The smoker feels as if they have had the whole cig, but have reduced intake by about one third.

Often this will be enough of a trigger for their own body to want fewer cigs to smoke, and may reduce their intolerance to your suggestions.

Hope this helps

I know this from 1st hand experience. Like me, your husband won't quit until his "want to's" are in the right place.

Here's what you do. Draft a spreadsheet that shows what you have coming in (income) and what you have going out (bills). And don't forget about the little things either. Note every McDonalds, gas fill-up, grocery purchase, car repair, insurance, utilities, credit card payments, etc... etc... Log EVERYTHING.

Do this for a couple of months to see where your $$$ is really going. Then sit him down and show him the figures of what is being spent on what. Figure out together where you can make cutbacks (and don't leave out the cigarettes). He may try to fudge what he is really spending (on cigarettes) when he catches on to what your doing so where it won't look like he's spending as much.

Watch those ATM withdrawls - log every dollar of what's spent on what. Remember, those pennies and dimes add up to dollars.

What you're doing is forcing him to face reality. You NEED that cigarette expenditure to stare him right in the face so he can't deny it.

When you sit down with him don't be condensending or a b-!tch. Discuss things calmly and he shouldn't have a reason to explode when he's slapped with the truth. Most men are logical, and you have to appeal to his logic to make any headway.

I have asthma, so does my sister. Practically my whole family, including mother and father obviously, smoke. My mom's dad even died from lung cancer--yet she refuses to quit. I love that woman to death, so my sister and I have tried slipping quit-smoking packets in her purse, et cetera. It makes the house smell bad and everyone in it. but what the hell can ya do? I guess the only thing to say is sit him down and tell him how angry it is making you, maybe try buying some of that nicotine gum/patch/whatever. Good luck with it! :)

First understand that nictotine is more addictive than heron. Your husband is an addict.

However, he cares about you and your children very much BECAUSE he does not smoke in the house or around your asthmastic son.

There are new medications available that make it much easier for an addict to quit. Talk with him about talking with his doctor about what is now available. Realize that as with any other addict, you cannot force, quit or nag to get him to quit - it won't work.

you first need to realize that you have to accept him for who he is. He may never be able to quit smoking. You accepted him for who he is before - you married him. Now you need to accept this also. Do not judge the fact you are angry about this situation. You also need to accept the fact that his smoking has an impact on you, and you have a right to be angry with that impact. When you are able to accept this, you may be better able to support him when and if he decides to quit smoking. He will need all the help he can get.

First of all, you have made that mistake by getting married to man who ony thinks about what he would light up!.

Second hand smoking is definitely dangerous for your kids especially the asthmatic one, and there is no way you will tell him to stop even now that he is married.

If he doesn't care about you and your children's health, then i must advice that you move to a more cleaner environment before you regret what might happens next! good luck!

This is a difficult situation for you. I hate cigarette smoke myself, never mind the health effects! Firstly, stop stressing about it as you will only end up ruining your own health as well. He has to come to the realisation himself. Sooner or later he will get a fright of some kind healthwise and finally quit. Hopefully he doesn't smoke inside the house around your kids or you. I'd never allow somking inside my house personally.