Bedtime for our 13 year old daughter is earlier than for our 11 year old son. Is this fair?

I personally agree with your daughter on this one. She shouldn't have to go to bed that much earlier. While you are rewarding him it also seems to me she's being penalized unfairly. You're also running the risk of causing unneeded animosity between them.

While we all know life isn't fair, that doesn't mean that as a family we shouldn't try to be.

That's very unfair and I think any kid would feel humiliated going to bed that much earlier than their younger sibling, especially when the bedtime is so early to boot (7:30 pm is more suited for an 8 year old). And to add insult to injury your son is now going to bed later than your daughter ever has.

Personally I'd give your daughter a 9:00 bedtime and your son an 8:30 bedtime. Just warn her that if she starts falling asleep in class or has a hard time waking up in the morning that you'll roll it back another half hour until she's well rested (probably best to wait a week or two to see if it needs to be decreased in order for the effects of a sleep debt to go away).

Things don't always need to be equal to be fair or the best for your kids, but I still think your daughter has a point. It's certainly true that people need different amounts of sleep, but I wouldn't make a 13-year-old go to bed at 7:30; that is a pretty embarrassing bedtime for a teen and probably more than an hour earlier than her peers' bedtime (not to mention her brother's). 7:30 is fine when you're 2, but even my kindergartner goes to bed at 8:30 and wakes up at 6:30. How can she even get homework and dinner in after school if she goes to bed so early? How would she have any time for activities, playdates, or downtime?

How about letting both kids stay up till 8:30 but making the last half hour be reading in bed, so if they're really tired they'll fall asleep? Since there were other options for your son to "reward" him, I'd choose something later than the late bedtime. No point stoking unhappiness when you don't need to.

IMO, 7:30 is a little ridiculous for a bedtime for a 13 year old. Right now the Sun isn't even down at that time. That's 10 1/2 hours of sleep and is entirely too much. Experts recommend people (Adults) need 7-8 hours of sleep to function best. Getting more or less than that amount of sleep can be more detrimental to your health/functioning abilities.

---

Teens

Adolescents need about 8 to 9.5 hours of sleep per night, but many don't get it. And as they progress through puberty, teens actually need more sleep. Because teens often have schedules packed with school and activities, they're typically chronically sleep deprived (or lacking in a healthy amount of sleep).

And sleep deprivation adds up over time, so an hour less per night is like a full night without sleep by the end of the week. Among other things, sleep deprivation can lead to:

decreased attentiveness

decreased short-term memory

inconsistent performance

delayed response time

These can cause generally bad tempers, problems in school, stimulant use, and driving accidents (more than half of "asleep-at-the-wheel" car accidents are caused by teens).

Adolescents also experience a change in their sleep patterns — their bodies want to stay up late and wake up later, which often leads to them trying to catch up on sleep during the weekend. This sleep schedule irregularity can actually aggravate the problems and make getting to sleep at a reasonable hour during the week even harder.

Ideally, a teenager should try to go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning, allowing for at least 8 to 9 hours of sleep.

Maybe instead of having the girl go to sleep at 7:30, she could have quiet time at 7:30 till 8:00-8:15 and then go to sleep. Then to just make it fair, move the sons bedtime to 8:30, until he gets a little older. Talk to the your daughter about it, let her know if she is doing well in school and isn't having problems staying awake in class then her bedtime can get pushed back a little bit.

I think she needs to be able to prove she can or can't stay up until 8:00 or 8:30. When I was her age my folks had a bedtime of 8:30 and we were able to read or have quiet time until 9:00. It is possible to get too much sleep and that's why she was so sleepy before. Give her a chance to have that little bit of responsibility. Also consider changing your sons bedtime to earlier to make it more even.

Good luck.

A 13 year old should only need 8 to 9 hours of sleep. Perhaps her dozing in class is due to grogginess of over sleeping. The best thing you can do is try adjusting her bed time a week at a time and have her make notes on how she feels the next day with 8 hours sleep, 9 hours sleep and 10 hours. You may find that she feels better when she gets 8 or 9 hours.

Her circadian rhythm should be established now and she will be able to tell how much sleep she needs.

For more information google circadian rhythm.

Sorry but i think you are being very unfair on your daughter. Firstly 7.30 is way too early a bed time for a teenager. How embarrassing for her.

Secondly, you are treating your son much better than her. I sense favouritism. So will your daughter.

She only needs to get up half and hour earlier than him. So if you weigh up the age difference then not only does he not need to go to be an hour and half after her but he should in fact still be going to bed AFTER her, because he will need more sleep than her, being younger.

Thirdly. How do you know that she did badly in school due to lack of sleep? She may be naturally not as bright as your son, so she may be acheiving as well as she can no matter what time she goes to bed. Plus her work will be harder than his so you cannot realistically make a comparison. Maybe she isn't eating a good diet and this is what is making her tired and lethargic. She has hormonal changes, these will also affect her energy levels.

Reward your son for doing well in school by all means, but not at the expense of your daughter. Choose another reward rather than letting him stay up later.

I feel very sorry for her, especially as I know how it feels to have a brother who is favoured by parents. You are being very unfair.

Another thing is that you are making the biggest parenting mistake ever - you are not LISTENING to your child.

That is 10 1/2 hours of sleep! The 13 year old will start to get envious.

Give the kid a little break, obviously your kids are disciplined, but but too much sleep can do just as much damage as not enough.

I am in high school, graduating with an AA in philosophy, and I get 5 hours of sleep on a good night, and I have no problems functioning, mentaly, or socialy.

I see your reasoning on this, and think it is fair given the circumstances. However, I think that 7:30 bedtime is too early, you really only need 8-9 hours of sleep, not 11 thats a little excessive. Actually, if you let her go to bed at 9, she would get 9 hours of sleep and thats plenty. I would give her a chance to show that she can do okay going to bed at 9, if she starts falling asleep in class (which thats not always lack of sleep, sometimes its just the teacher, or sometimes the classroom is kept at such a warm temp you cant hold your eyes open), but anyways, if she starts falling asleep in class cut back a half hour and make her go to bed at 8:30.

Heres a link about the amount of sleep you need for you

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-needs

Sometimes you have to just put your foot down. You know what's best for your kids. Why not try letting her stay up until 9 like her brother and make her get up at 6, just as usual. Tell her that if she falls asleep in class or if her schoolwork starts suffering she'll go right back to where she was...? Chances are she'll eventually realize why she needs the extra sleep, if not, you'll just have to be the bigger person, and the boss.

Are you sure your kids are actually sleeping when they go to bed? That's surprising that a 13 year old gets more than 10 hours of sleep at night. Does she have a TV or something to distract her while she's supposed to be sleeping?

I remember when I was 14 I used to do work for the church and they gave me a laptop and my husband (then he was my bf) and I would stay up until 2 a.m. on MSN chatting. Just a thought.