Is their discrimination amongst adoptees?

yes there is. of course there is. i get the impression that they feel so high and mighty because if i don't feel like them (i'm an adoptee), then i'm in denial. they overgeneralize how adoptees should feel because they choose to surround themselves with only like minded individuals therefore, in their world, EVERYONE feels the way they do. No need to listen or hear anyone else now is there? instead, if they were open to other thoughts, ideas, etc, then they wouldn't generalize so much or have the attitude "i have all the answers; i am the know all be all end all"...

whatever.

ETA:: I should add that there are a few really good anti-adoption people / people in reunion here who are able to voice their opinions and *generally* do a great job of not being offensive. Gershom, Mei-Ling are just a couple. Those two really impress me with their ability to get their point across without being rude, condescending, etc all the time. I'm sure there are others but those two come to mind. I don't mind open dialogue with them and in fact welcome and encourage it!

it seems like the people that answer are not even adopted

Good Question.

Although I am troubled by your comment about Non adoptees not telling adoptees how to feel. First off no one should tell anyone else how they 'should' feel. But if it is true that non-adoptees should not comment on adoptees, does that mean adoptees should not comment on how non-adoptees should feel?

I mean they don't know what its like to grow up with their bio parents, so should that exclude them from understanding what that might have been like?

That is so segregating; when we should all be able to openly encourage, as well constructively criticize others. Just because I was not adopted does not mean I have no understanding or knowledge of what it is all about. As well as an adoptee has understanding and knowledge of what its like to be a bio-family. Do you take into account bio-children who are siblings of adopted kids? Do you think they truly have no understanding of what their siblings experience is? That is such a narrow way to look at adoption. Sorry but that just really bothers me.

This is a very interesting subject. I know more people who opt not to search than who have. My impression is that they are the inherent type of people who are able to feel complete without that type of "closure" or wonderment. Its as though they naturally feel OK being who they are without that knowledge. I was recently speaking with a friend who is not reunified with her birth family. She does not care to be, but she had an open adoption and has all kinds of info on who her parents are. Maybe that plays a part in diminishing that drive to seek them out, as opposed to someone who had a closed adoption. Those adopted out of foster care; some of whom remember their parents and chose to never see them again, others I've known on the day of their 18th B-day they are seeking them out and return to live with them. It is such an individual thing.

My heart goes out to international adoptees as it must be very difficult to seek and find their parents. As well as the compound issue of being a minority in a primarily Caucasian world.

I've received some really hateful emails from non-searching adoptees spitting venom about now my mother is not my mother; that they hate their bio mother and couldn't give a toss about her; that I'm living in the past; my glass his half empty; there's something wrong with the need to search; insulting my adoptive parents; and generally stating I must've had a 'bad adoption experience' blah blah blah

I think it's the other way around to be honest - I've had numerous hate mails from anti search and reunion adoptees, telling me how to think and feel and particularly not to call Mom my Mom! searching has also been referred to here as 'hunting down' like we're some kind of stalkers! it's really nasty.

It's as though because THEY don't want to search that there's something wrong with someone who does search.

Personally I think it's sad that adoptees can feel so much hate and anger towards their first families that they would not even let them know what happened to them.

I'm wondering if you are an adoptee

Well, there are really two questions here. I'm not sure which you want an answer to. (I suspect the second one, about hypocrisy, is rhetorical. So I'll ignore that.)

I cannot speak for all adoptees, nor would I want to. Thus, my answer is only about my feelings, not anyone else's.

I am NOT resentful towards adoptees who choose not to search. I do not think those who do not search OUGHT to search. I think we each need to make our own decisions about search and reunion.

What I do resent are adoptees who, because they don't want to search, argue that NO ONE should search. (There have been several around here over the year I've been posting here.) I resent adoptees, or anyone else, trying to prevent me from searching by sealing MY records.

I respect the decisions of others who have decided not to search. (I do think it odd when some of them talk about their natural parents in negative ways. If they haven't searched, they can't possibly know the circumstances of their own relinquishment. But that's a different issue.) No one should search who doesn't want to. Indeed, it could likely do more harm than good to be forced into a search.

But again, there have been several purported adoptees who chastise those of us who do search. And that I do resent.

(The "fog" issue is yet a different issue. One I've said many things about in the past. You can look through my past answers if you really want to.)

ETA: I also do resent those who characterize searchers as "glass is half empty" types. That seems both resentful and discriminatory. At the very least, it's disrespectful.

I don't have a problem with other people (adoptees, adoptive parents, first parents or whatever) not searching as long as they do not object to MY searching. That's when the fur flies.

When I first found out I was adopted (age 31) I didn't even consider that there was something to search FOR. Over the last 20+ years, I've changed. People have different opinions at different times. I can respect your opinion even if you don't respect mine - but if you get in my way, expect me to be really really angry.

Some adoptees want to search but don't because of (1) fear of rejection, (2) fear of upsetting their adoptive families, or (3) any other reason that's personal to them. They should be supported in working the issues out, not flamed.

the main important discrimination is information being sealed - perpetually. no count if an adoptee turns 18 - they nevertheless are no longer allowed their unique delivery certificates and papers touching on their adoption - as a results of fact the state seals them away. there is likewise an underlying discrimination that many adoptees face. Society has deemed that an adoption capacity that the new child no longer has a known relatives - the relatives that they are genetically related to. particular there are some great adoptive dad and mom who save those hyperlinks - yet maximum folk do no longer. some bypass so some distance as making the adoptee experience in charge for wanting to hunt for his or her first relatives - only out of a egocentric ought to pretend that the adoptee is born to them. Adoptees come from someplace else earlier they're observed. Relinquishment and adoption are accomplished by using adults - the youngsters have genuinely NO say in any of it. Then that's left thoroughly as much as the adults as to whether they arrive to a decision to offer their adoptee their certainty - or cover it away. it incredibly is discrimination. each new child merits to appreciate the place they got here from. it is going to no longer be as much as the adults to return to a decision if that's 'sturdy' or 'undesirable' for them to appreciate. that's with regard to the adoptee. that's their assistance to have. If a new child had dad and mom that tragically died in a vehicle crash (for occasion) - in many cases yet another relatives member could look after that new child - they could be allowed to grieve - they could be counseled thoughts and shown numerous photos of the dad and mom that have been lost. In adoption - too many don't comprehend the complexities in touch. Adoption is with regard to the new child dropping his/her dad and mom. that new child ought to be allowed to grieve. ought to be allowed to maintain touch with first relatives. shown photos. informed thoughts. No - this might't continuously take place - yet to blatantly pretend that that new child got here from only in the adoptive relatives - is risky to the adoptee. those adoptive dad and mom that save secrets and techniques and lie - do it generally for his or her very own desires and thoughts. Adoption is largely incredibly paper delivering possession of a new child. only as a results of fact there is incredibly paper - shouldn't wipe out the new child's former existence.

I was adopted and found my biological mother and father and one of my sisters. My sister and I are still super close.

I am not discriminating against anyone who was adopted. I think its a personal choice. For me, it was a sense of seeing who I looked like and wanting to know why my mother didn't want me. For some people, they may be perfectly secure in their adopted family and that's fine.

I think if my adoptive family would have treated me better and like one of their own kids...I may not have needed to find my biological family. I don't fit in with my biological parents or my adoptive parents...but Im comming to terms with it.

you know who is doing the discriminating is the non adoptees the non adoptees are discriminating me the adoptee that's who is doing the discriminating

I searched as an adoptee and I found my whole birth clan :)

I would NEVER judge someone for not searching; tho I might ask "why not?"

And, if a 30 yr old said. "Because my mom would get mad."

I may counsel otherwise.