How do I find out exactly what kind of adoption I did?

Sadly - too many adoptive parents pull young pregnant women in by saying that they're all keen for an open adoption - and then when they have the child - you never hear from them again.

I'm so so sorry that they seem to be doing this to you.

Here's a couple of places were you will find support from those that have been duped by the wonders of adoption.

http://origins-usa.org/

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.net/board/phpBB3/ind...

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

http://www.adoptingback.com/

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

Make sure you add all your details to registries - so if you can't track him down when he gets older - at least he can track you down.

Start here -

http://www.isrr.net/registration.shtml

Also - do make sure everyone in your family knows about him - it's hard on an adoptee to one day search for family - and not be accepted.

I wish you and your family well - and hope that you can have some contact before he's all grown up.

Hugz.

Having the agency/counselors as the go between is bound to cause problems, as you don't know exactly what they are telling the aparents. The adoptive parents may think you don't want contact or something! Is there an open adoption agreement (even an unenforceable one) in your paperwork, assuming you kept a file of everything you signed? Ask the agency for a copy if you don't have one personally.

If at all possible, I would see if you can get a letter to the aparents, expressing that you would like direct contact (even if it's just email or MySpace or Facebook or something) due to the delays in the agency getting back to you etc. Give them your email address, mailing address, any online profile information, and phone number.

You may be surprised, they may choose to contact you directly. If not, well at least you let them know how you feel and that the door is open.

Also, please visit www.openadoptionsupport.com someone there may have other ideas for you

chevygirl. Visits are perfectly legal and possible. We have frequent visits with DS's first family and he is not even 3 yet.

I am sorry but you don’t have any rights its seems you were more in a semi-open adoption this is where the natural parent gets updates typical via photos and letters a few times a year. Now that you have indicated you want to have an actual vist(s) the child’s parents are probably not comfortable with that, that is the only reason I can think of you not getting an answers. Did you send this desire for a visit to just your counselor was this person suppose to forward it to the parents who adopted your natural son? I would think even if they had declined that your counselor would have informed you of this. Is there someone else you could speak to about this from the place where your AC is at?

Really his adoptive parents should not fret a small visit wouldn’t do anything. They probably have some false fear that you would try and reclaim him. Well its been four years so that wouldn’t be possible even if you wanted too.

Since your counselor is ignoring you, have your tried the director at the agency? Perhaps she/he will have the common courtesy to respond. The suggestion above about showing up in person is also a good idea. E-mails and messages are easy to ignore, but a flesh and blood human is a different thing all together.

This may be a long-shot, but have you tried the major on-line communities like MySpace, Facebook, etc? Since you know what they look like, you might be able to find them.

If I may speak with my rose colored glasses on, it's possible, just possible, the APs are sending info to the agency, but the agency isn't passing it on for whatever reason. Not all APs break their word, but I know some do.

I'm saddened to hear this has happened to you. Open adoption has its challenges, but a promise is a promise.

Don't give up.

I'm so sorry this is happening.

Unfortunately, in most states open adoption is not legally enforceable, no matter what agreement was made about it previously. It's up to the discretion of the adoptive parents, even if it was promised. Unless you happen to live in Oregon, the adoptive parents cannot be legally forced to keep in touch with you. Morally, they absolutely should keep their word, but sadly the law is on their side.

It's not wrong for you to have asked this. It's wrong for the adoptive parents to have broken their promise. All you can really do, though, is keep trying to get in contact, either directly or through your agency and social worker.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, and that your son isn't getting a chance to know you. That's a very sad situation.

Unfortunately, NO states allow first moms to have any legal rights to open adoptions. While they may have agreed to see, talk, visit, send letters, etc, none of that is enforceable. Legally, they do not have to provide you any info or even respond to your letters. Many mothers commit to open adoptions not knowing this fact. I would simply keep trying to reopen the lines of communication. I am sure others will have some more helpful advise. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Regardless of the law, it is still an awful thing to do.

Can you go to the counselor's office?

It's kinda hard to ignore you when you're live and in person. No need to be rude (at first). Make your wants and wishes known, then camp out in their reception room for days if that's what it takes to get some face time with your "counselor".

They don't like it, well, they should have picked up the phone.

I am very sorry that you lost your son to adoption, I did too, many years ago.

You said, "I have heard of so many success stories where the birth mother remains involved." I would ask, from whom did you hear these stories? Adoption agencies? "Birth"mothers who work in tandem with adoption agencies? I have heard of very few success stories that include the story line of mothers and their babies being separated - that just isn't something you can call a success.

I also felt the way you do. Even though I had a closed adoption I thought, why treat me like **** after reunion, "for god's sake, I gave them my child!" And yet, there I was at the bottom of the **** pile. Go figure.

I'm sorry that I can't help you, I'm not sure who can. We have no rights, nor do our children.

What state was this in? Also, it's probably not very likely that they will give you anything especially if they are dodging your letters for contact. Have you tried calling?

Also, been there done that with the whole thing about what I thought I was agreeing to wasn't really what was happening. It upsets me greatly that this kind of thing happens too frequently! (((hugs)))

even if it wasn't an open adoption, you wouldn't be allowed to have visitations until he's around eighteen but if his adoptive parents are okay with it, 16. My sister and brother are adopted and one of them is open and the other is closed.