Need a lot of opinions on this? I don't understand..?

You might want to stay out of this one, sis.

I think after that much abuse, its hard to trust people. Your future brother in law sounds like a great guy. Does your sister have ANY reason to believe that he is lying? Because if she doesn't, she is probably really scared of being hurt again.

In a good marriage, both people are very vulnerable, because you must open yourself up to each other in a way you wouldn't do with anyone else. You know all the good and bad things about each other. But if the marriage is healthy, both people love each other unconditionally, and don't try to use the other persons deepest secretes against them. In an unhealthy relationship, love is often conditional, and is on the controling parties terms. They manipulate the other person by violating their trust. That is a very hard thing to get over.

If there is anyway your sister can get some counseling, that would probably help her a great deal. Sounds like she has gone into self preservation mode. The easiest way not to get hurt, is never let someone have the chance to hurt you.

But if she is distancing herself from this guy out of fear, she is also distancing herself from a great chance for love and happiness.

Unfortunately trust takes time. I don't know that you can force it in just a couple of months. Just be as supportive as you can for you sister. Let her know how much you love her and want what will make her happy. Try not to get frustrated if her mindset doesn't change as quickly as you would like. If this guy really is as great as he sounds, try to help her see that.

Good luck hun! You sound like a wonderful sister!

she is scared to death to trust her new BF, she is waiting for him to turn into the way the others were. You wouldnt understand unless you went through it yourself... lemme explain...

I was in an abusive relationship. He was a prince... at first. the longer you're with him, the less nice he gets until the abuse starts. and beatings are one thing, but the mental abuse is a hundred times worse, because its like they get into your head and dont ever get out. Thats what is happening to her. She is doing the exact same thing I did.

She is afraid that now that her ex is out of jail, he will come after both of them. So she is pushing her boyfriend away for a few reasons- to protect him from the psycho and because she is afraid the new boyfriend will be a jerk too. She wont stop it until she pushes him away completely (thus reassuring herself that all men are jerks) or until she goes to counseling. The fear that the ex can have over you is paralyzing. I left the abusive relationshp 8 years ago, and i still have nightmares to this day. I am with a man now, for 7 years, who is a complete sweetheart, but i put him through hell and back. I feel so bad about that, because i made him suffer over what someone else did to me. Don't let your sister make the same mistakes i did. Make her get some help. Please!! it doesnt feel good to be guilty about being mean to someone who had the best of intentions.

She's terriffied its a mistake, and I would be too. Forget about the money and wedding plans, what is important is that she feels safe away from her ex, and maybe the wedding is too soon and shes overwhelmed. She needs to build up a trust for her new guy and this cant be rushed. If her new guy is as great as you say, he'll wait for her - she's more than vulnerable and needs time to trust and let herself be happy.

She wont be happy until she understands that NONE of the abuse was her fault.

Poor love, hope all goes well.xx

merely be quickly with him and ask him if he needs to flow out. adult adult males celebrate with women individuals who're direct. a minimum of you will understand if he's dropping a while or no longer, so which you would be able to flow on! he's the two rather into you yet is merely too shy to ask you out or he's a participant and is messing around. people who return and forth a lot an stay in inns lose interest and subsequently all the messages. recover from the video games and merely get quickly to the element! you will experience greater effective for it!...:)

She has been through a lot of pain. She seems to be concerned about the ex's threats. After the bad experiences - if someone is extra nice - you get suspicious, that's another thing with her. If you can - let her read these responses - may be her morale gets a boost. Talk to her and convince her to go ahead with the marriage. You are not unlucky forever. You do get lucky and this time it seems she got it ok. Take help of future bro in law, friends, family. Best of luck.

wow....touching and depressing...okay well as u said that she has been abused. so that will leave a big impact even after being pregnant with one of them. So emotionally she is scarred. She is not so willing to be open to this guy once the wedding has came closer and that her 2ex has been released. She fears that he may become angry and try to kill her. she wants to leave him out of her past affairs and try to keep him safe. but its late to do that and she loves him and likewise for him. she also may not believe that she is with someone so great after her past relationships. he will trully do anything to keep ur sister happy and enjoying their time they have together. And safe from any harm that might come after her. she is just really hurt from her past memories which have been starting to haunt her and possibly became nightmares. she doesnt want him to have harm dealt to him in fear that was planted into her head from the thoughts and actions that were forced upon her from previous relationships. i hope this helps and possibly show this to her if it makes since and maybe she will realize that her family is behind her back with her fiance at her side always going to love her and care for her when she is at her best and her worst. plz show her this it would b an ashame that two jackass' r ruining her life with fear that was forced upon her and r screwing up her happy future she might have if she can believe to have faith in friends and family.

It sounds like she's afraid of actually having someone who loves her sincerely. She has been so use to abusive type relationships and here's something different. Then you also have to hold in consideration that one of the guys that abused her has gotten out of jail and threatening her life is alot to handle as well. This dude was in prison you don't know what kind of mind set he has, so I can understand the nervousness in that. And also it sound like she is dealing with trust issues as well...be it that she has been through years of hurt. My advice to you is to continue to pray and be there for her.....help her to see that all men are not like that and her fiance is really a good guy. (That's if he is)

Your sister seem like to be more protective. She do care about your future bother in law. so that she tried to get him away from her live (after being threaten by second husband). u should give her morale support and keep close to her and give your shoulder that she always needed. i could take more time to make her stable agian.

I think what you said is correct.

She had so much pain in the past, she probably can't imagien that there can be a happy, painless relationship.

Try to explain this to her.

Maybe they should just live together for a while first? (If your beliefs/culture allow this of course:)

If not, I say try to help her udnerstand why she's feeling liek this.

It's clearly that she finds it hard to trust.

Let her know that whatever happens, her family will always always be there

Once burned twice shy. In her case she got burned twice. She could see signs in him that she ignored in the other two. She just wants to protect herself which is understandable.