My wife gets very jealous about a old friend who had/still has a bit of a crush on me?

Sounds like you wife has no self esteem,

has she got fat and lazy in the sex department and your friend is trim and fit sexy out going?

If so there is your answer.

If you have banged the friend or even kissed, felt her up in the past then dump her especially if your wife knows these things. I bet your wife has put on a few pounds and has self esteem issues so don't make things worse by throwing this hot sexy other female in her face, how would you like it if she told you one of her past lovers was hung like a pony and she was still craving it you wouldn't so have some respect for your wife.

Sounds like you have a choice to make. I think that if this woman makes your wife uncomfortable then you should respect that. She is your WIFE! I think you should put distance between you and your friend. Even if you have been friends with her for so long, it doesn't really matter because you got married. I think that your friend should understand that being married means you have one woman in your life.

I do appreciate the fact that you are open with your wife. You let her see texts and e-mails. That is awesome of you.

But regardless, it makes your wife uncomfortable and you should respond to that instead of getting mad or annoyed with her. If the story was the other way around, and you were uncomfortable with some guy in her life, she would have to give up a friendship for you.

I think if you really love her so much than giving up some time for this friendship should be no big deal. You lover her!! =) Just don't let there be an 'other woman' in this marriage. Even if she is 'just' a friend.

Good luck and try to respect your wife's feelings a little more.

I think it is very selfish to keep a relationship with someone even if your wife has a problem with it. People who keep these old relationships do so just to boost their own egos. If you want to eventually get divorced the keep your old friend - if you love your wife quit being a selfish jerk.

Part of the problem is you. The fact that you admit your wife to be unable to make it on her own is a sign of lack of admiration which must exist in a relationship. Your wife can sense that whether you realize it or not. Another thing I noticed is that you mention your great friend but not once you mention how much you love your wife. That could also attribute to your wife's insecurity and jealousy. Women need to be told how much they are loved and how wonderful you guys think we are. Try to pay a lot more attention to your wife, find her virtues and let her know like for example, what a fantastic cook she is, how beautiful she looks, how wonderful she is in bed, and even if these are not all true, try your best to make them true. I can relate to your wife, same thing happened to me with my ex's cousin. All he would talk about is his cousin, his cousin this, his cousin cooks good, his cousin dances great and I was neglected in so many ways. Turned out that I realized he did not really love me, his cousin had nothing to do with it, I still talk with her but I divorced him.

It's not a question of friendship, it's a question of respect.

If your friend is willing to accept that it is not meant to be with you, and will move on, and behave as such, then that's one thing.

It sounds like she can't though, 'cause she still has this "huge" crush she can't let go of. That is different than just "fondness"/"love you as a friend/sister"/whatever. If she lets it affect her behavior then that's not respectful to your wife and it's time for you to step up.

The problem is not you. It's this friend. I understand people get crushes, but you gotta know when it's not appropriate and let it go.

It sounds to me like you are the one with the problem. You talk about this "great friend" that you don't want to lose in one sentence and in the other you say that your wife can basically be nothing without you. I think when you are defending this woman, you are probably putting down your wife in front of her. How do you think this makes her feel? If she is insecure, then its because of something you did. Whether it be physically or emotional. Your wife senses your feelings in the way you talk about the "friend", and so do I.

It is time to ditch the broad and be courteous to your wife! Can the "friend" not find a man of her own? I guess not, because if she had one, i am sure he wouldn't like this "friendship" anymore than your wife does!

You keep the friend. Its your job to be faithful to your wife, not calm her down and reassure her that no other woman in the world wants you. In fact, its probably healthy for her to know that other women DO want you.

Who is more important your wife or your life long friend? If you have to think about that then you must not really love your wife as much as you think you do. Yes, I agree your wife shouldn't be overly jealous of this friend of yours that you've known for years, YET this is your wife and she is jealous -- I think you should respect her feelings. This could only hurt your relationship more. I"m not saying to dump your life time friend but maybe she should back up. Espically if she has a CRUSH on you? I don't think I'd be to fond of that either, I'd be a bit upset if you ask me! She should back off a little and you should respect your wife's feelings a little.

If you don't it will only get worse, Sit down and talk with her about this. Express your feelings to your wife and explain to her that there is nothign going on and this is JUST A FRIEND. Your wife SHOULd have some understanding of that. but just talk calmly and listen to eachothers side of view, it's important to hear her feelings.

Good luck hon!

Think about your FRIEND. If she still has a crush on you after all these years, don't you think you might be hurting her by continuing your friendship? Does she date much? Does she ask your opinion on lots of little things and seek to spend time with you? Do you secretly, quietly, way down deep, kind of like it that she has a crush on you? (I don't mean you want to do anything about it... I just mean, does it give you a little ego boost?) If so, there may be a problem here, and your wife may be sensing it.

It's very difficult to "move on" when you have a crush, even a small one, on an old friend who allows you to keep that crush going. And you are wrong... normal people DO get over their childhood crushes. They move on. If your friend is using you as a crutch, and secretly hoping that some day you will divorce, she is probably never going to find her own husband. That's not good. For you, her, or your wife. Ick.

If you truly think of her as a little sister, think about this... what would make your friend really happy? Do you want to see her fulfilled, married, getting on with her life? If so, you might have to let her go. Push her out of the nest, so to speak.... a crush on a married man is a very safe place to hide from a "real" relationship that might be waiting out there for her.

On the wife side, I'd have to say this "friendship" would bug me, too. I'm an extremely confident person in a happy marriage, but if my husband had a woman friend who was hanging on a little too tight, I would consider it unhealthy. I don't think your wife should be angry with you, but she does have a point.

The fact that you are so frustrated with your wife is NOT a good sign. In a healthy marriage, you would respect her opinion and needs. If you feel you are married to someone who is too insecure, maybe you are using your friend as an outlet for your frustration. Ultimately, you SHOULD choose your wife. Over all things. If you have trouble doing that, maybe it's because you haven't really chosen your wife at all. Ever. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but you need to admit it.

For everyone's safety and sanity, I think it's best if you encourage your friend to go elsewhere. Introduce her to some guys you know, tell her to take that job in Idaho... whatever. Just be sure you tell your wife about your plans, and ask her advice if necessary.

If you can't (or won't!) let your friend go, then you need to have a serious chat with your wife about where your marriage is heading. I can't imagine, even for a second, having a problem with my husband over something like this. If any of my friends made him insecure, I'd drop them FAST. I picked my husband. He is my favorite person. If you don't feel like that about your wife, you guys might need to seek counseling. Or, ultimately, you might just be staying with her out of guilt. (But I won't speculate any more... I don't know you, so I don't know what your relationship is like.)

Good luck... this is a tough one.

I think the first thing you need to do is to sit down with your friend (DO NOT do this through email or text) and explain to her how uncomfortable she makes your wife, and ask her to tone down her aggressively romantic behavior. Maybe the friend doesn't realize she's giving your wife the heebie-jeebies.

Next, sit your wife down and tell her that she can either trust you and get over it, or she can be a bitter old hag over a singular friendship that will never go any further than it has.

You shouldn't have to relinquish a friendship; your friend should be willing to bend, as should your wife.