i always feel like a terrible mother?

This answer is going to be a little long, because i had a relative who was in the same position as you.

First, take a deep breath. You sound like a good mother who is trying to make a good life for her children. Okay, Now. You're going to have to find a nice home, whether it's a condo, a large apartment, whatever as long as you can afford it. It can still be in the NY area- but it will be a much nicer,safer place for yourself,children,and (?) future child(ren). Second, you can hand wash your children's clothes. You can wash their hair and wash their body. Even know you think of your-self as 'poor', you can be ''rich'' in the poorest possible ways. If you're credit card keeps being declined, find out WHY. Thank your mother for helping bring your children up. Go into court w/ that scumbag of a 'husband' or 'father'. Divorce him and order him to pay child support so your children can be healthy,fed, & clean. To wash your child's' clothes by hand, plug a sink, and add about 1/4 cup of detergent. Fill the sink with hot water, as hot as you can put your hands in. If you're washing whites and want to bleach them, now's the time to add about 1/4 cup of bleach. Put your clothing in the water, and get it thoroughly wet & soapy. If it is stained ( which you claimed it is) let it soak for 20-25 minutes. Knead the clothes as if you would if they were bread. Unplug the sink, drain, and start the water running. Rinse it until the water runs clear w/ no soap. Wring out and hang to dry. It's as simple as that to send your kids in clean,fresh clothes. If they're a little wrinkled, no biggie. Find a job that pays MORE and one that you can actually enjoy going to. What was your dream job? Think about it. Attend a community college, and go for your dream job. Make the kids wash up every night before they go to bed- and when they wake up. They can be as clean as the next kids. Once again, you're NOT a bad mother. You're providing a home for your kids, not hitting them and taking care of them. That's not bad. A bad mother is one who hits,curses,drinks,doesn't give a crap about her kids. According to the quetion, YOU DO! So live it up, move out of NYC into Long Island. I live in LI,NY and it is a great place here. It's safe, and your kids will go to great schools. Your kids hair can be clean- wash it, comb it, do what-ever. as for being on a budget with clothes, the salvation army & thrift shops can provide clothes. Old Navy isn't so cheap. So i wouldn't reccomend that. Wal-Mart is a good place for clothes-whether its' online shopping or in-store, it's cheap and the clothes there are great. I wish you the best of luck.

Why are your kids clothes stained and from a week ago? It doesn't matter if they wear the same outfit every day of the week, couldn't you put a little effort into cleaning the clothes they do have. A little soap and water goes a long way. I'm not trying to be mean, but it's not giving your kids expensive haircuts and cool clothes that makes a great mother... it's someone who takes pride in them and is always there for them no matter what. Supporting two kids with no father is a good mother. Remember that. My mom raised me and my brother by herself and she did a great job. I never had the best clothes and a lot of my clothes were given to me.. but she made them the best. I felt like a million bucks going to school and nobody knew otherwise.

It sounds like you're doing the best that you can. I don't think that makes you a terrible mother. Have you ever thought of moving out of the city? I just read last week that to be considered middled class you need to make at least $120,000 a year. If you move to a smaller town, the cost of living is generally lower and you will probably be making about the same amount of money per hour. If moving is not an option, look for clothes at thrift stores. Most of them have nice stuff and they're cheap. Once in a while you can even find brand new clothes.

Can you get on food stamps or something? You may need to try and leave NYC.

As far as clothes go, you should look for thrift stores like salvation army. Even if they are not in-style, try to keep them clean. Don't compare yourself to others, that is not fair. Some people are not doing as well as you are. You are taking care of the kids the best you can.

1. your kids are 7. that's old enough to at the very least fold their clothes after you wash and dry them (my sister used to wash clothes for us, so i was a little spoiled, but she was washing them at a young age which is the only reason i was spoiled. i was washing, drying, and ironing my own clothes by 11)

2. thrift stores are wonderful. you can find great deals, and i still go there today even though i no longer "have" to

3. budget. you should be able to feed your children without using your credit card. shop for sales, store brand, etc. cook enough meals on your day off to feed everyone for the whole week. freeze them. this allows you to buy in bulk, which is cheaper, and have meals and not cook every day.

4. you clearly love your children you're not a bad mother. bad mothers hit their children, or drink, or worse drown then in tubs. first get over that part because you're not doing them any favors by being depressed.

5. stop comparing you or your children to other people. it's a bad habit and you don't want them to get into it.

You are working hard to provide for your kids in a tough world. I think it's commendable especially with an absentee father. Your kids may not appreciate it now, but they will when they are older. I wish I could tell you a place for clothes, but I'm from Chicago not NYC. And by the way, you are a good mother keep your head up.

Understand that your situation is not your fault. Your husband is the one who put you in this position. Sweetie, by working 2 jobs & providing for your kids, doing the best you can, is what really matters. Your kids love you. I'm not familiar with the NYC area but I wish you all the best.

for starters the way you just described how you handle taking care of your kids sounds like you are a superwoman. I live in Chicago so we have a hard time here as well, my husband and I live in the rough parts of chicago and we are expecting our second child and we live with his ***** of a mother. our apartment is two bedroom and both of our kids will be in our room with us, let alone his mother complains damn near everyday she wants us out and that our new baby isn't welcome. He's working and paying bills and what's left she tries to spend. She already taught my daughter how to curse, call people names and she's very spoiled. What you can do is google places that your looking for and maybe that will help you other than that don't give up, always remember who you're doing it for.

It sounds to me like you are a good mother. You're working your butt off to give your kids what they need. Just because you're in a tough spot right now doesn't mean you're a bad mother. You obviously love them a great deal. There are a lot of kids out there that would be lucky to have you as a mom.

you should not feel like you're a terrible mother or anything like that...you are doing the best with what you have for your children...and i'm sure they know the amount of love you have for them...i have a husband and we still have to have food stamps to buy food...it's just a bad economy all around...keep on keeping on.