Should my fiance have to invite his mom to the wedding?

I think that like you said, if he doesn't invite them it will cause more family drama. Not inviting them will only fuel the fire, and cause them to be madder at you.. possibly to the point of not wanting to speak to either of you again. Lots of families have drama, and more often than not, it's the same people that cause it over and over again! I think you're best solution is to keep them on the invite list and just act mature whenever that side of the family starts getting upset. Focus on having a great time at your wedding... and don't let them upset you that day. Good luck!

P.S.- While the wedding is just one day in your lives that you don't want them (his mom and side of the family) to ruin, I guarantee that they will see it differently. They will see that you didn't want them to be there on the biggest day of your lives, or the start of your future together. The damage that will be caused by not inviting them could take years to repair... just please give it lots of thought!

If they are like this now, I can imagine how they will be ten years from now, and I have a very, very strong feeling it won't be nice.

The real question is, are they going to be like this at your wedding? I say sit your fiance down, and have him speak calmly to his mother about the issue. If she is unable to speak like a civilized human being,and your get calls from her family, then there is your decision. If they get nasty with his father's side and your family over a teeny issue like an invite not arriving, I can guarantee your wedding will not be enjoyable.

Is it worth not putting up with the stress and the phone calls versus having your wedding ruined by lunatics? That is only a question you can answer yourself. Good luck.

under the circumstances you posted about, yes he should invite them and leave it up to them if they come or not.

if this were a lifetime problem or his mother was just evil instead of hot headed and a jerk, I'd have a different answer for you.

But right now you are dealing with high emotions which are usually a temporary thing. They have a tendency to sort themselves out when hot heads cool in a fairly short time or even a few years.

You shouldn't have to invite them, but I would. Chances are they won't show. My fiance and I do not get along with his mother or her side of the family. I have been with my fiance for 4 years and I have met her twice. His stepmom has been around for the past 12 years and raised him. We both consider her to be his real mom. We are inviting his "mom" and stepfather, but we are not inviting any other part of the family because they have never been a part of our lives.

A difficult situation that I can relate to all too well, unfortunately. Short answer is yes, he should invite his mother to his wedding. As far as the rest of her side of the family, that's not such a simple issue. For one, who is paying for your wedding? if you and your fiance are footing the bill, you certainly shouldn't feel like you "have to" pay for people who you don't truly WANT to share this special day with. People who will come in the wrong spirit for this occasion, should either not be invited or should be spoken to prior to invites going out and made to understand that they are expected to be supportive, loving, kind and gracious and that it means a whole lot to you that your wedding day not be damaged by drama or gossip or negativity.

My husband and I were married just a month ago and had the same issues. We did invite his mother and his sister. However, we made it very clear to his mother that unless she felt like paying for all of her siblings and her side of the family, we were unable to accommodate such a large crowd on our budget. My husband also went to his mom's house to hand deliver her invitation and said to her, "Mom, this is going to be the happiest day of my life and I would love for you to be a part of it....please understand how much this means to me and please try to respect my decision and be supportive of my dreams"...along with an explanation that the rest of her family would not be invited.

In the end, his mom came...she didn't speak a single word to me AND his sister let her 2 year old walk into the aisle and dance and play around there for about 10 minutes in the middle of our wedding ceremony while the flower girls were walking up the aisle...and there was no wedding gift whatsoever...and they ate and left about 2 hours before the reception was over. also, of course, there's more than enough hateful gossip going around by those who weren't invited. This was to be expected, though.

My initial reaction was rather hateful...but it's over, and I refuse to allow them, or anyone, to ruin the memories of my wonderful wedding day. At the end of the day, WE were happy and we're now husband and wife...whether they like it or not! haha I truly feel that sometimes you have to try to be the bigger person, do what you feel you can do with a clear conscience, follow your heart and don't let people force you into doing things you're not comfortable with. Try not to give yourself room to have regrets later on down the road. Not inviting his mother to his wedding is a decision I believe your fiance will regret eventually...

I hope it all goes very well for you. Congrats and the very best to you.

To not burn any bridges, invite them....

It will be up to them if they show up or not. He doesn't need to give his mom or anyone else any details, but just what's on the invitation...

Hopefully they just won't show :)

If deep down, neither of you would feel comfortable with the chance of them showing up, then don't... Do what's in your heart....

But, I know I have gotten into many long feuds with my parents... I did not want my dad to walk me down the aisle or be invited (this was many years ago- we have since made up) but I know the mature thing for me to do is still be respectful and invite him...

Drama is always going to be around... My (ex) Maid of Honor

and I got into a huge fight... I gave her a chance to at least tell me if she would still like to stand, b/c I would love for her to, but she never contacted me... Even though she isn't standing, I will still send her an invite, even if she doesn't try contacting me till then...

Good luck sweetie!!

Can you spell DRAMA???

There is no guarantee that those people will put aside their differences on your wedding day. They sound like a bunch of immature, spiteful jerks.

To avoid problems and keep your special day happy, DO NOT invite them.

Your fiance has every right to take them off the guest list. He obviously has a good grip on the situation. They're his family, and he is the one who must deal with them. He sees the freight train coming that will ruin HIS wedding. Please respect his wishes and don't invite people who have no consideration for you both.

you guys have to show the family you are the gown ups and be mature about this whole situation..so yea invite them..if they start arguing and making a big deal about little things..then you and your fiance should go over to their place and talk abut this...explain to them that its not fair to you and your fiance they are behaving like this..its emarrasing and if they want to continue this behaviour then THEY should choose not to go to the wedding...because its unacceptable..just make sure that its clear to them..

I know family can be difficult to deal with and I actually wont invite a couple of uncles and aunts to my wedding just because i know how they are and I wont regret doing that..because I've lived my whole life without them and it wont affect me in the future...but if hes really close to them, he might regret it..so talk to him about consequences in the future...

you say you'll support his decision but you also have a say on this, talk to him and try to start communicating with his family about these issues..if they cant talk to each other maybe you can be the mediator..but only if you want to do it..

good luck and i hope everything works out!.

Yes, she should be invited to the wedding. Use proper invitations to invite other family members, but make sure that your fiance makes it absolutely clear that his mom is heartily welcome at the wedding. Your fiance and his mom should have an ongoing dialogue about this, and it does not need to involve you.

All commentary and strife emanating from family members should be routinely ignored. Just pretend you never heard it, and basically just start humming or change the subject completely if someone tries to get you involved.

Well, I did not invite my father to my wedding because we hadn't really spoken at all in several years. However, now he claims that I hurt him on purpose by not inviting him. Just make sure he is prepared for that kind of response.