Should I leave my wife? WE have been together for almost 9 years and married for the last 3.5 yrs.?

I am holding on and many times i want to go and leave but i know it will not work that way and for me, it is my life and it is my destiny no other. I just have to pray and work for it what's the best.

My husband for no valid reasons is enjoying seeing me miserable, i know i don't deserve it, and i know he loves me more than i do but he doesn't know how to relate to his wife as he doesn't have example at his home when he was young and what he is doing right now is what he just saw and learnt. If angry will keep it in his heart, wants to be over the situation even he is wrong, can stands without talking to me. Actually, he doesn't want to show any affection anymore. I am taking it easy, be still nice to him even he doesn't have money, it doesn't matter. I still want to give all the love, respect to him as it is better for me to do because i am living with him, if i would stop doing it, i better go.

No amount of counseling is going to help either one of you till you both realize what you are doing to each other. Money can cause some conflict in a marriage, especially when you are used to living a certain way and then you have to worry all the time about how much you have.

It certainly sounds like she is blaming you for all of her troubles and maybe you are taking some of your troubles out on her too.

If you have not had sex in 4 months then I think it is about time for you to try.

You never really said if she refused or if you just did not try because you were fighting, but without it then it is only going to get worse.

Have you tried to take her in your arms and tell her you love her and tell her that you will make it through this because you have each other?

I try to make the best of each day I am alive. I will not get depressed for any reason. When one of you is depressed it drags down the other one. One of you have to stay happy to help the other one.

Try to bring some of that love you used to have back into your relationship. Try to remember how you once treated her and try to be the same way even if she gets angry, don't stop..

I hope you will keep going to counseling - for your own sanity, and to help you make and cope with a very tough decision - either to stay and keep trying - or to call it quits. Either choice will be hard to live with, from the sound of things.

If your wife won't go to individual counseling, and you can't find a couples counselor who will work with both of you, and she doesn't want to do anything to fix your problems and is withholding intimacy, she isn't leaving you a lot of options - misery, separation, or divorce.

I hate to see things like this happen. It seems like she is blaming you and punishing you for everything that is wrong in her life right now. And you are reacting to that by being nasty back. You both have a lot to lose by not working things out. Good for you for not complicating matters by cheating. At least you don't have to climb over that hurdle.

I hope some additional counseling will help you sort things out. You seem like a nice person. Good luck.

Is your marriage based only on money? Financial woes are to blame for more divorces than anything, but these days most of us are having it tougher but not everyone is divorcing over it. You can't be the only one fighting for this relationship and think it's gonna work out. She's acting like she doesn't even like you much less love you. Are you certain she's not cheating? Continue individual therapy because win or lose, it's going to help. An argument over poinsettias? This is ludicrous! You sound like an amazing guy, it's so sad you're going through this, but if she's not willing to do anything to make your marriage work you don't have one anymore. Once a woman has checked out of a relationship on an emotional level I don't think there is any turning back. No woman interested in saving her marriage behaves this way. Trust me, there are a million women out there who would be thrilled to have you in their lives.

It's ultimatum time or soon will be. The longer you two hold out in anger the less chance there is of reconciliation. In my opinion you are already past that point but I am not you. Tell her she has a certain date to make the necessary changes, in the meantime contact an attorney so your assets are covered and she cannot use that time to reinforce her position.

If she decides she wants to give your marriage a chance then seek counselling again, but with the caveat that she has to do it willingly and with the intention of creating a good marriage.

The other choice is contacting your priest and begin annullment proceedings.

You poor thing, here's what I recommend you to do.

You both need to sit down and have a good talk. Ask her of she would be willing to go to marriage councelling. Either way, she has to start opening up because putting her head in the sand won't make the relationship better. You both need to face your problems as a couple head on for the sake of your marriage. The good and the bad.

If she is not willing to do so, I don't see your marriage lasting for very long. Mariage is 50/50, give and take and most importantly, communication. You're not a mind reader

Money is the issue, huh? Just by reading what you wrote it seems to me that without money she doesn't much want to continue. Maybe she is continuing to harbor negative feelings toward you because she can use them as an excuse to her behavior. If she doesn't open up there isn't much you can do until then, it's how long will you be willing to wait it out? Dating or having a on going relationship with someone else during this time is only going to confuse you and if she finds out then she just has one more thing on her list to use against you.

If you can honestly say you have done everything on your part then you have to do what is best for you then. If she REALLY loved you she WOULD work it out with you. Try not to justify yourself because you say she still loves you down deep. We do many things for love and not wanting to be lonely but don't give up your dignity for it. You hand over your dignity to someone else you have nothing to sustain you through the tough times. Just don't isolate yourself at this time.

We too are having financial problems because we didn't live within our means. But we realized that we are in this together and that in the end it's only money, we still have our health and have our love. If you two really love each other just communicate and work your way through it. Find ways to be romantic and get her in mood, you gotta get laid!

Btw - I am wondering why you waited over 5 yrs to marry her, was there something holding you back then?

welcome to the club. i am in the same scenario as you - only longer. me and the wife don't talk about our relationship anymore. i have already voiced out my concerns and she doesn't seem to care months ago. what i am doing now, and so far it is working, is that i dedicate my home time with our kids. we play and i also get in touch with my inner child and it relieves much of the stress. and as I noticed, when we have fun, the kids share it with their mom. and there are rare instances that we all end up playing together. i do hope that if this keeps on going on, me and the wife will end up in a better relationship.

In addition, i would also suggest that you start a hobby and I suggest it should be similar to what your wife wants so you could both do the same things together. this works for me like a charm when i get to do this -- our common interest -- a car, a garden, decorating the house. :)

i think she has no incentives to get closure whatsoever - she gets the benefits of marriage with none of the costs. you are going to have to force the issue by asking if she wants to move out and separate. you can not make it work unilaterally and sometimes, you can not fix the resentment that has built up. not every marriage can be fixed. you do not need her permission to move forward - assume the present conditions will continue so long as she is financially comfortable, give yourself a deadline, and if you can not get a commitment from her to fix the marriage, file for divorce.