Parent's role in pet care for their kid's pets?

I am a 17 year old turning 18 and graduating in May who lives with her parents. I have often asked questions about pets, including questions about a pregnant cat.

You people probably hate me, but two of my cats live outside because their hair is so long and makes us very sick. My precious Lilly was killed around 2 months ago after being hit by a car and left with a broken back and paralyzed back legs. Her sister and mom still live outside, which keeps me stressed out. I have one cat inside because her hair is short and rarely sheds.

I have to pay for my own college tuition, gas, car insurance, and other major things. The fact that my parents won't allow my other two cats to live inside has driven me to find a cheap apartment that allows cats. I never pictured myself moving out of my parents' house so quickly, but I am determined to have enough money for college and rent by the end of July because I cannot lose another pet.

We have had pets throughout my childhood, but I can only remember the ones we have now without looking at photos.

When a stray cat I named Saphira(reference to Eragon :P) came to us a year and months ago, I took all the responsibilites voluntarily, including paying for her. I wanted to take her to the vet, especially once she got pregnant shortly after she found us, but my parents would not allow it. They still controlled my money that I earned from my job. My parents made her live outside until the last week of her pregnancy. My dad and sister didn't think it was necessary for her to give birth inside, even with the weather turning hot, but I did not give up and won the fight for her to stay inside. The kittens were raised inside, and I was permitted to spend money on vet visits for shots and altering.

I begged my parents to take our old-aged poodle to the vet for a check up, which she has never been to, but they refused. I was controlling my own money at this point, but they told me animals do not need to have check ups.

My parents like animals, my mom more than my dad, but they do not feel that they need a lot of special care. I am in a constant battle with them because they are set in their ways of how to take care of animals and will not listen to my deeply researched views on feeding and other health issues. I spend more money on my cats now than I do myself, which is upsetting but worth it. I drive 40 mins to buy them their special food and often buy them fun stuff.

Pets are huge responsibilities that should no be taken lightly!

Hi Pretty Kitty,

this question was sent to me by my best friend because she knows how I feel about this as well. It is simply incredible how much I agree with you and appreciate not only your concern, but your feelings about this subject. Although my children are grown, we have always had pets. As they grew into adulthood, I had already instilled the importance of having any animal as a pet was a big responsibility. They know to never neglect them in any way. Even today, one of my youngest son's Shih Tzu's had surgery. He had a little hernia removed and while he was on the table, he was also neutered.

I have eight dogs and three horses. Every year my vet comes out and give all of them whatever shots they need. It is part of being responsible and doing what my animals need. I firmly believe that animals need to be cared for, and that includes whatever they need.

I can see your point about children being forced to participate in animal neglect could be a form of child abuse, but even more than that, it is certainly not teaching them how to properly care for an animal, whether it be that the pet needs every day care, or something more serious.

I do not understand why people get any animal and then say they can't take it to the vet. I usually answer a lot of questions in the dog section and this subject comes up frequently. Some are really sad because it comes from a child that says their dog is shaking, can't walk, not eating, etc, and Dad won't take the dog to the vet. Those kinds of questions really get to me. As you can see from my long answer, I am very passionate about this subject. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent.

Source(s):

Lifelong dog owner and breeder

Horse owner and breeder

My personal opinion is that no parent should allow their child to "have" a pet that they themselves don't want or aren't going to take responsibly for. The reality is that no matter who we say the dog (or cat, or whatever) belongs to, it truly belongs to the people over the age of 18...and that usually means that parents.

I know a number of responsible people who have been training for years and when their kids are old enough they will get a dog that their child can call his/hers and is allowed to be the trainer and primary care taker. (I think kids who get evolved with junior showmanship have an extraordinary advantage in the life skills it will teach them.) I think this is a wonderful thing for the child, but when it comes down to it - it's only wonderful because the parent is actively teaching the child how to be a GOOD pet owner.

When adults take on the responsibility of a pet and don't see it as a direct statement to their child about how they should behave in their own lives, everybody's a loser.

Is it really any surprise that kids grow up to be poor parents when the examples we set for them are this pathetic? Getting a pet with the "agreement" that the child is supposed to take care of it and then getting mad that the kid failed is not the fault of the kids - it is a direct reflection of the parenting skills of the adults.

When I was very young my parents had a dog. An absolute nightmare of a dog. My parents knew nothing about taking care of a dog and it very clearly showed. I am very glad they did not get another one during the rest of my childhood, no matter how much I begged. Now my parents see my dogs and have a much better understanding of what it means to be a good pet owner. It also means more to me to have my dogs now than it would have meant for my parents to have given in and gotten us a dog when we were younger. Getting a dog because the kids want one is a horrible idea and I wish parents would embrace their authority and just say NO when they know they don't themselves want a dog. Sometimes it's the best way to teach their kids responsibility.

I can't imagine what it does to a child to be helpless while their pet is suffering. I don't think a court would see it as child abuse, but I certainly think it is. I feel terrible enough when one of mine is sick and has to go to the vet. I don't want them feeling badly ever. I can't imagine the pain of not being able to do anything.

I was lucky, my parents love animals. They had cats before I was born and my mother has said that if I had been allergic to cats she didn't know what she would do -- but I suspect I would have had to stay in my room. All pets were spayed and neutered and never came from pet stores. When one of them kept freaking out more than normal about car trips my mother found a vet that came to the house. Their current cats aren't referred to as pets, they're my brother and sister. And my cats are my parents' only grandchildren (they seem happy about that). I can't imagine things any other way.

Parents are the most important teachers to their children, it's a horrible shame that some either don't value animals enough to care for them or simply have no concern in general about the kind of values, or lack thereof, that they pass on. I hope all the children and young teens who can't do much now will use that frustration to do good things in the future. Parents are only human and sometimes the lessons they teach turn out to be lessons in how not to behave.

Oh what a powerful statement and question!!! I could not agree more. I have friends who have at least 1 pet per child (and they have 5 kids) 3 of the 5 pets die each year due to neglect. My friend will say otherwise to save face, but I see the big picture. She is just as guilty as little Suzie for not feeding kitty and she is just as guilty as little Jimmy for not making sure Spot had enough water in the summer heat. I think that if parents allow their child to have a pet...whether that pet is a goldfish or St. Bernard...the parent needs to take an active "LEAD" in helping the child to "LEARN" to care for their pet properly. I think that most parents assume because their child is 10, 14 or even 16 that their kid knows enough to care for the creature...the bottom line is no...its not enough. You are their parent so make sure it is done right.

Relax girlie!! =) First off, congrats on a new life-long birdie friend!! About your problem though~~ Cockatiels do form a layer of dust on top of their wings often. This is surely not a problem though! Just purchase a water spray-bottle at your local pet shop! <Make sure it is for birds only though> Use it at a maximum of twice a day (morning and mid-afternoon~ish) to eliminate most traces of dust! Another solution would be to fill a small, wide saucer with mid-temperatured water and let your bird play in it. Some birds enjoy this while others stear-clear! Your best bet for the saucer idea is to get your bird a younger age (within 1-5 months) so it gets used to the water as early as possible. The water spray bottle must be a light misting spray that feels like a cool breeze is flowing (to the bird). If the water spray bottle comes out ruggedy and is loud when squirted, try another one. Hold the spray bottle 6-12 inches away from the bird <depending on the force of the water> and spray gently once or twice. As for the vet bills, birds tend to hide their illness until a certain point where vets can, most of the time, do nothing. But my bird has been alive for 15 years with a dog in my house, my germy little brother and sister =)) and the flu season and everything....yep~~ he is still living!! If it does turn out your birdie becomes ill, then if it really feels necessary then use your own money. But if your bird shows symtoms of severe illness cases then I would just hope for the best. I prepare <if my cockatiel ever in the future shows signs of illnesses>, I would call the avian vet and ask if possibly I could do anything MYSELF without bringing it to the vet. I really hope I've helped and please take care of your birdie :) Best of luck!!

WOW tough question. I have also been made to feel pretty darn bad because I have been too hard on a child posting on here, but I try to treat every question I answer the same way, and if I need to be blunt to get my point across I am not going to stop being that way. I wish there was some way to talk to the parents, but some of them just don't care, and most I am sure are not even aware their kids are on YA asking these questions. I REALLY feel bad for these kids, as they want to do the right thing but just can't. I think if the animal's life it really in danger (not just quality of life) that the child can call the spca and report it, but other than that, I guess I just hope that whatever I say sticks with them and they carry that on to adulthood. Who knows tho, right? As far as the child abuse point, I think in some cases its bad parenting, sometimes its just ignorance and not knowing the truth about things, and sometimes its just not caring. But I don't think a court would see it as child abuse since its not direct, but might be able to convince them of animal abuse.

As you know PK I have a houseful of animals and 2 kids. McKenzie says that Dora (cat) and Pinky (dog) are hers, Alyssa says Phoebe (cat) and London (dog) are hers. I stand with them with they feed Their animals and they help me do everything else for the animals. I, however, buy the food, am responsible for deciding when and if they need to go to the vet and last but not least taking the to the vet. I can't understand how any parent can claim to be responsible and leave an animal to suffer, leaving their children to resort to Y!A for help. I believe that not only are they neglecting the pet I think that it is a form of child abuse. They are forcing the child to watch the animal suffer knowing there is nothing they can do to help the animal. I hope some of these children can rise above their environment and grow up to be responsible adults. The parents of these children are sending the message that animals don't matter and that animals don't deserve compassion.

It is frustrating, and I feel badly for those kids as well.... and for the animals who are at the mercy of their irresponsible parents.

There is, however, also a silver lining in these children posting in here looking for advice...... the kids that care enough to look for advice know better than their parents do already, and care more about their animals.... that's why they're putting in that effort.... so there's hope that the next generation can get it right.... even when their parents don't. Sadly that doesn't really help the animals they have now.... but could well help the animals they have when they're grown up, and they're clearly already animal lovers, so they're likely to have animals when they grow up.

I don't know why parents do that. My Dad was one of those parents. I wanted to take several animals to the vet and he wouldn't do it. When I got older and was getting my own money he didn't like it when I took them to the vet but he didn't say anything. He even made me give away a cat I had for years to the shelter cause she kept having kittens and we couldn't find them homes. My Mom gave her away and I cried and cried cause I loved that cat and wanted her back. Mom said that my Dad would never let me have the money to go to the shelter and get her back and I knew he wouldn't. Mom didn't have any money of her own and she really couldn't do anything about the situation either. I still think of that to this day and wish that I could have kept her or gotten her back. What's worse is my Dad was the one that brought that cat to me when my other cat disappeared.

What am I talking about? My Dad didn't even want to take my brother and myself to the Dr. When my brother fell and hurt his leg really bad it was my Mom that had to start a fight with him to get him taken to the ER. He had to have 7 stitches and Dad fussed and fussed about it. He wouldn't take me to the dentist and when Mom finally took me anyway and I had gum disease and the dentist told Mom to tell my Dad he ought to report him my Dad wanted to know why my teeth were in such a shape and Mom told him because you didn't take her to the dentist like you were supposed to.