How to handle being so close to family and boundaries?

Yikes you have a lot on your plate here. I don't think moving is an option because I am sure that you wouldn't have moved into that house if it wasn't a last resort kind of thing. I would approach the situation as a big group, maybe plan a dinner at your house and invite everyone over, during dinner you tell your sister in law the rules you have bestowed on your children to respect their privacy. Let the 9 year old know that you would love it if she could help you for an hour after she is done with her homework (possibly before dinner so she HAS to go home at that point). Use the time she is there to get some dishes done or read a book while she plays with the baby on the floor next to you.

I think you need to be open and honest, tell your SIL that you want to respect her family, their rules and their boundary's. Maybe as an extended family you need to set some rules together, I don't think any parent wants their kids snacking while they are slaving over a dinner the kid isn't going to eat because they are full. Suggest setting some "house rules", like everyone knocks before entering either house, out of respect. No one knocks before 8-9 am or after 6-7 pm. Etc...

If you start this conversation as a way to show respect to their family, your SIL will be a fool not to realize your family deserves respect too.

1) the kid's just excited. That will die down soon enough. If nothing else, if you don't feel like having her over just say you're about to take a nap and be done with it. You"re the adult, she's 9.

2) close the door behind you, and if you have too, lock the door and just warn your kids that is what you are going to do from now on so they aren't scared. You'd be creating some bad vibes if you tell your sister in law her kids aren't always welcome in your home if it is not something she hasn't already thought to tell them on her own...

3) sounds like a doozy. just tell her next time, no I'm sorry he/she really has been bad and deserves the punishment. Don't give in or she'll do it all the time. All it takes is once to stand up nicely for what you're doing and she'll get the hint.

She sounds like a very laid back person, while you may be a little more formal. It just may be the way it goes. You probably shouldn't have signed up to be her neighbor if there is more negative than good (which is what is sounds like). I would try to welcome the oppurtunity to have such friendly, trustworthy "neighbors" and continue to tell my own kids about the "rules." Maybe she'll notice it and realize she let her kids run hogwild, but then again maybe not. There's no nice way to talk about it. Like you said, "she was going to put her 2 cents in on how we deal with our kids..." well you bringing anything up will probably feel the same way to her, and possibly even insult her.

If you do decide to say something, just think it through first. Never say something in the heat of the moment or when you're angry.. it will never come out right. And try to put yourself in her shoes, as if it were you receiving the criticism.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

i hate to be an extremist but your problem can only be solved if you move out and find another place to stay.

dealing with in-laws / even immediate relatives can be pretty sensitive (this is based on experience..you are not alone). am sure others would advise you to talk to your relatives first and explain boundaries but most of the time you would come out as the "bad" person. even if you have every right to place the boundaries you've set for your home and kids.

so i suggest that you move out, get another place to stay that you can afford...only there can you be the queen of your domain :) and no one else can intervene / question your house rules

You should move out but if you can't make the little daughter help you out with the baby like get you stuff if you need it that way it won't stress you out and she can learn some responsibilty

gosh its not easy for me to advice this kind of situation.....u have a good heart and a nice atitude but sometimes even we rele try to take care for someone we cannot hurt....i dont know wat a good reason to tell them to dont hurt,,,,but then u can just talk to them easily in a good way but then still they can feel its hurt,,,,its because they miss u a lot wem ur not there already....

and even u can do it well still they think something wats going on but at least u try to make it.....

gudlak for the next place u have ,,,take care always and godbless....

wish u ok ....

She sounds like she is self concentrated and an exceptionally egocentric individual. She might desire to advance up and supply up taking issues on you for her very own issues. Your mothers and dads are meant to assist you and not your sis becos she is sufficiently previous to renowned extra beneficial. i think of your mothers and dads take care of her b/c she get away with abuse and that they desire peace and quiet. attempt to locate time on my own along with your mothers and dads (pref while your sis is out) and confer with them the way you experience. If that would not paintings, tell your instructor at college, they mite to have the potential to point something so you might objective at homestead. tell them your sis have maximum of your issues and you pick them returned so might desire to they be around once you get your stuff returned. i'm somewhat sorry your dealing with this, it is going to be depressing for you at cases. do no longer borrow no longer something from her. one extra element, attempt to talk on your sister devoid of accusing/blaming. it is with regards to the way you're saying it with the final tone of the voice. something like this, i've got self assurance drained for all time and that i desire sleep so i can bypass to college happy. i might like it in case you does no longer wake me up. I do wish it works for you.