why can't my husband leave his ex-wife alone?

Well, I hate to break the news to you but your husband is a cheat.

His first wife kicked him out because he was cheating on her (with you) and now he is cheating on you with her.

I don't know who is more gullible (or man stupid), you or his ex.

You need to jerk a knot in his tail and put him on a very short leash.

Trouble is that he is drawn to her based on how their relationship ended. I was cheated on by a previous girlfriend and it was very difficult to get over and move on from her emotionally. She would call and continue to try and drag me back to her. He needs to stop all contact with her that isn't directly related to their child. This is the toughest part of dealing with an ex-spouse. They will still have to contact each other, but if it isn't open and strictly about parenting their child then it may be time to move on. I am in a similar situation with four kids together and a wife that has found a new shiny toy somewhere else to talk to. It is tough, but I think that you should nag and pressure him. Don't back down from it. Either he wants you or he wants her, it doesn't get to keep you in the side just in case the other doesn't work out.

Ok if they gave up a child together, they have that in common. Only the 2 of them understand what they went through.

You have a major trust issue, and rightly so if he says he'll end contact but then goes back on his word. You cannot force him to end contact, he has to decide that himself or you're just going to drive him away and drive yourself insane. If her partner can understand their friendship, maybe you should try too. If you had full trust in your husband, this would not be an issue. Then again, as your husband he should do anything in his power to keep his family. The past is the past but maybe he seeks some comfort from her that he cannot seek elsewhere, giving up that child will forever play on their minds no matter how much they might deny it, and they may feel they only have eachother who understand.

If you think he's cheating on you, you don't trust him and any relationship without trust is not a healthy one. Maybe come to a compromise, say you don't mind them speaking but you would like him to let you know when he's calling her, no more secrets. Ask if he would be willing to let you see the phone bill without being sneaky about it.

Monitor it from there, and in time you'll be able to let it slide and all this tension and paranoia will fade because he will not be hiding anything and you'll have no need to feel the way you do now. If he has a problem with you checking, he obviously has something to hide.

I fully understand your situation, but I'm not very good with words so I hope you follow what I mean. I know in your heart you'd love that chapter of his life to be over, but your daughter has a biological sibling out there and so long as that's true your husband and his ex will always have that bond no matter how badly it ended.

I wish your family the very best, good luck :)

Because he doesn't want to. Because he doesn't have to. He doesn't care if you get upset because he'll just tell you it won't happen again, his email to her says it will.

He cheated on you with this woman after you were together. And you took him back like no big deal. So he thinks what's the big deal now? Lying to you like he already has, so what? Just telling you what you want to hear, until you find out the truth, then make something else up.

He divorced her only because you forced him to. He married you only because you were pregnant. He knows he can keep her on the back burner just in case. How they "understand each other" when she supposedly has all these mental problems - doesn't that make you wonder? What are they saying, that you and he don't understand each other? Well, you don't understand this, for sure, and who in their right mind would?

It doesn't make sense because of his lies. You are the woman for right now, that's all. He isn't committed to you, or he would do whatever he could to make you happy, to make up for cheating on you, instead he justs rubs salt in the wound and you are the crazy one. Pay no attention to the people here who say you're paranoid and to leave it alone, accept it. Why would you do that when you are faithful and honest to him, but he doesn't give you that in return? When it should be a given that he would? Don't you deserve the same respect and honor as his wife that you give him as your husband?

I would file for divorce and tell him he can have his mentally ill ex-wife since he refuses to leave her alone. He's obviously willing to risk losing you, his child, and his marriage, for her.

I sorry to hear that you have been going thru this roller coaster relationship but you had the chance to walk away from him prior to forcing him to divorce someone he is still in love with. They have a bond that you will never be able to break. The hand writing was on wall when someone has to convince another to make a major decision in their lives, it sounds as if your loving husband is plyable. He will bind when its needed but you don't have his heart, I'm sorry to say. You started something that he isn't and won't ever walk away from. Now your daughter is in the middle of it all. You will either accept him being in love and still attached to him or walk away from him. A marriage is one man, one woman and the family they start. He will never leave his ex-wife alone, make up your mind and do something about it. But know this, if you force him, which way do you thing he will go? It pays to pay closer attention before getting married. Having a child doesn't always mean getting married to that person is best. You must have seen the sign prior to the wedding now you have been bought into a very strange relationship and again, your little girl will suffer the most. Keep the ex-wife and the bond that she has with your husband or walk away. He never will, he will hooked on her emtionally and it is sad that he doesn't have the special place in his heart for the woman he is now married to. No one can break this but him and he doesn't want to.

Actions speak louder than words & his actions are shouting. The first mistake was that you got pregnant while they were still married. Second mistake was that you had to push him to divorce her. Third mistake was him having to marry you just because you were pregnant. You said he was a great father so don't tell me he doesn't think about his first child a lot more than he is saying. Now that he & his ex are older & more mature & they are thinking that these were the things that broke them up in the first place, maybe they feel things would work better this time around. If there were not a strong tie between them he would not be calling her so much.

"They divorced in late 2006 (after I found out that I was pregnant) and only after I took out a loan at the bank to retain an attorney for him. I had to push him to file."

You answer is in your question. He cheated with you on her. You became pregnant with a child by another woman's husband (not smart). Then you paid for the divorce after much insistence. Hmm, and you are wondering what is going on? I would say, they have a history that goes back to high school, he is probably still in love with her. And she with him, she is simply giving you what you gave her ( a cheating spouse) now you are the wife and she is the other woman. Karma is a horrible thing to deal with. We must be careful what choices we make in life. The seeds we plant produce the crops of our lives. You are obviously in denial and need to grow up and smell the coffee.

girl you need help, you so insecure and worst your selfesteem is so low that you leeting a man drive you nuts

remember you help him get his divorce, you beleive him whe he said that she was crazy that is why he wants to divorce her, and you truly beleive him about yor child together is the only child he consider that is his

well why do you think is the reason why they are still talking

it is because of the child the had giving up, you nor your daughter can make him forget the child he has giving up,and my advise is you either accept that they will stay friend or get a divorce

as you say they leave very far apart but they have a connection

and you should never call the x again your business is your husband

fight with him, read his email but you should never let the x know your insecurity

You met a married man and you knew he was going to have an ex wife with baggage. Are you insecure and that much of a control freak. If you cannot seek some professional help, the both of you, then you need to decide on what you should do. You want to be happy or worried all the time, not trusting anything about your husband. Only you have your own answers.

it sounds like this is going to drive you crazy no matter what we say here. remember they were marreid and had that deep connection before. He will always have a spot in his heart for her...and for you too if you guys ever divorce....he will still communicate with you here and there especially since you have a child together.

Its a tough situation but this come with the territory of dating or seeing a married man or a recently divorced man. It was only 6 months? I am telling you he was not ready yet...and needs more time before settling down. I for one will not see any divorced woman if the divorce was less then two years ago...you gotta give these ppl time to heal cuz they are very confused and emotionally fragile and can feel one way one day or week and totally oppisite the next.

Your hubby obviously was not ready or moved on from his wife when you met and he might feel tied down now because of the kid and your jealousy is only going to make this worse!

Since you took on this man when he was not ready you will have to deal with this...let him be...in time he will get over this maybe this is what this will do for him...give him closure on that where he can then focus on you completely...but keep nagging him and it will make it worse! They live 6 hours away 1st of all.....and its not like you are not going to know wehre he is at every day.

Id let him talk this out so he can get over that part of his life.....but yeah keep acting like a raging jealous wife and it will push him away...he was not ready for you girl and needs his time now to get ready for his commitment to you. I am sure he loves you and wants to be with you but just needs time to get closure from his past

What is your biggest fear? Loosing your husband? loosing your sanity?I doubt very much that he is going to stop all contact with her. I can only suggest that you let it go, if you don't your marriage won't last. By the sounds of it her new boyfriend is ok with them talking, why don't you stay in contact with him.

He is probably the only one that can help you let this go. Talk can do no damage. Is there any chance that the 4 of you can get together? Their body language will tell you all that you need to know.

By the sounds of it your husband only thinks about is own needs. Maybe it's time for you to sit down with him and set some long term rules in this marriage. Ask him how would he feel if you left him and took you baby with you. Tell him that that's the point that you have reached with him and that female and does he want another divorce on his hands. That could shock him into growing up and respecting your needs and wants.

Keep your chin up and become peaceful. Take a holiday time out with your baby and leave him at home on his own. You get the rest that you need and he get 2 to 3 weeks left on his own to do some serious thinking.