Do you think it makes some sense that those who promote adoption are answering out of fear?

I do think fear plays a huge part of it.

For example, I was raised in a fundamentalist dinosaurs-are-the-work-of-the-devil creationist house and so whenever I encountered anything remotely to do with evolution...even if it made sense...I completely wrote it off, called people idiots, whatever it took to keep me from really having to examine the facts and to really examine what I "believed" (or was taught to believe). Stretching my mind to include more than the little bit I was taught was HARD...so hard...I risked being ostracized by my family and friends who didn't understand why I didn't see the world the same way they did.

I think it's similar in adoption. If adoption is believed to be the best thing ever, then when we encounter a different story, we either have to expand our awareness/thinking/hearts to be able to include the new information, or we have to shut it down and lock it out because it threatens our very schema.

Some people have a good experience with adoption, and some don't. Some children want to seek out their birth parents, and some never give it a thought. People are different like that, and you can't expect someone else's viewpoint to be the same as yours.

I think everyone agrees that whenever possible, it's better for a child to be raised by both his/her natural parents. But that's simply not always realistic. Parents die, or they abandon their children on street corners, or they're mentally ill, or abusive, or they have so many personal problems that they just can't cope, or a hundred other things. At times like that, if someone else will step in and love that child as their own, then that's a beautiful thing.

On the other hand, there are also times when teenagers especially are pressured into giving up their babies when they really don't want to, and that's one of the cruellest things I know of, even when the intentions are good.

You should also remember that not all adoptions involve babies. Some involve older kids or even teens, who are capable of having some say in what happens in their life and how they feel about it. I adopted a ten year old boy many years ago (he's 22 now), and he and I are as close as it's possible for a father and son to ever be. He's my best friend and the light of my life, and always will be. But our relationship turned out that way only because I never tried to take anything away from him, you see. . . I understood the difference between loving someone and just wanting to own them. I never forbade him to have contact with his family if he wanted to, I always supported him when he messed up, and I didn't expect him to be perfect. And if you love someone, then love is usually the reward you get in return. That's what adoption ought to be. . . something you do for the child's sake, and not simply to please yourself.

Maybe that's expecting too much, but it's what I think anyway.

I don't think all of them speak out of fear. Every adoptive family has different experiences. Some good, some bad. It's not fair for anyone to label anyone or disregard the other's opinion or story. No one can speak for anyone but themselves. I think that there are people on this site who are against adoption of any kind. And that is just not practical. There are children in the world with NO parents. They are orphans. So its either adoption into a family life, or institutionalization. Which is better? It's a sad reality. But to say ALL adoption is bad, or ALL adoption is good, is painting everything with the same brush. And that's not fair.

well, i guess i fall into the category of "happy" adoptee, though I'm hoping that your post is not directed at me (as I can think of a few other people on here who would fall into the "happy" category that don't act very compassionately toward others).

I have no problems with *my own* adoption and have no desire currently to meet my biological family. I *personally* do not feel a sense of loss, pain, etc.

Now, while *I* do not feel/experience these things, I would *never* tell anyone that their feelings are invalid or that "I'm right and you're wrong" because they don't think how I do.

I feel like sometimes *my* opinions on here are dismissed as me being "in denial" or I was "brainwashed." I think neither side of adoption is more right than the other side (except that it is absolute fact that some adoption industries are corrupt).

In my opinion, it is great for everyone on here to share opinions with one another. It is when it turns to attacks (i.e. "You must have been brainwashed to think that" or "You're just bitter for thinking that.") that people begin to become defensive and spew things without thinking (that's how I am sometimes lol)

ETA: However, I am aware of some people on here who I think *don't* want to acknowledge another side to adoption than what they see (whether they be on the "happy" adoption side or on the "not so happy" side).

Many of them are answering out of fear but I also think a large percentage of these people are just in total denial. They cannot imagine any other way to describe someone who describes a negative adoption other than bitter and angry. It's as if the mothers and adoptees who complain here about the pain of our experience - should be keeping our mouths shut - seen but not heard.

What a rediculus question! i was adopted 14 years ago, when i was 10 months old. It is not out of fear, it's helping. IN china u can only have one kid, or else... that's where im from.

humph,

zoey

I promote adoption if it the right thing for your family, whether you are the bio family or the adoptive family. And no, it does not come from a place of fear...esp not of anyone on Yahoo Answers.

ETA: Adoption can be beautiful for all if done right. And there are many that are! Mine was...the bio mom knew what she wanted and if I did not decide to parent then she would have choose someone else. She did not wish too. She has her reasons wish should be respected by all.

Hmmm - long question. Short answer - yes, they are answering out of fear that choosing to parent hurts the bottom line.

Adoption is a despicable industry.

I'm not sure a personal relationship could be the motivation behind the amount of fear recently displayed here. I tend to lean toward monetary and religious motivations. Someone must have a great deal of faith that the non-nuclear family is a threat to society (and maybe their pocketbook) before they could have such an outburst regarding the opinions of internet strangers.

ETA: The unique view on genealogy/lineages this weekend gave me a big clue.

Considering how those who are "speaking out about the other side of adoption" are saying that anyone who disagrees with them must be paid by the NFCA, I think the scales are pretty even on who is labelling and minimizing who.

I think the "fear" you're seeing is fear that if we (speaking as an adoptive parent here) actually bring our concerns up, talk about anything that isn't the "happy" picture, that we'll be attacked, ridiculed, blamed and probably have some snarky poetry made up about us on another site.

No thanks.