Need help with some problems with my step daughters mom?

Question

Okay my step daughter I have been with since she was 14 months. She lives with her dad and I . Now that it is summer she stays with her mom a week on and week off. During the school year she goes every weekend to her moms. 

Now we have mainly had decent contact and have got along. But about the last  months things have been strained so to speak. 

Okay lets start by saying she pays no support at all for her daughter, my husband had it dropped so she wouldnt go to jail (this was both our decisions)
He told her he would drop it as long as she helped with things like school clothes  and you know the stuff kids have to have throught the year. She was fine with that. 

My step daughter will be 10 at the end of august. 

She broke her wrist at her mom's house- her mom took her to the doctors and they gave her things that the insurance doesnt cover so we got the bill.
When it came time to take her to the specilaist her mom said she would take her and then never took her it was me, and then when it came time to go back after another month it ws me. each time was she had no gas. okay. 
Then she came home with ring worm, okay we went and got medicine, and was applying it. We went to her baseball game on her moms week and we checked it and it looked as it was getting worse and she told us she was putting anything on it , she didnt have the money for the medicine(over the counter cream 2-3.00. But she never called us to say hey I know you guys had medicine for hr can I come and get it cuz I have no money to buy it. 
My step daughter is some what over weight. Her mom came over and thru papers at us about children being over weight but lets lay on the couch and watch tv all day if that is what she wants to do. which I have been working on getting her moving more but her mom tells her mc donalds hamburger and french fries are only a snack. her mom doesnt make her eat vegatables if she dont want to eat them , and let her eat 13 bagel bites plus 2-3 hours later tell her this about mc donalds.
Then her mom doesnt have deoradnat for her so she goes all week with personal hygiene items and so I sent some with her to her moms house. Now the next issue is about a bra- she very much in need of wearing one of these and her mom thinks this is not nessacary at all. 

Also her mom is constantly saying well i dont have gas money you will have to pick her up or bring her to me. 
Now i understand everyone is upon hard times as we are as well, but I feel we take care of everything - She hasnt spend more than 200.00 on her child in over 2 years. We beelive it is her respoability to at least pick her up and drop her back off. We are doing everything else. 

How do I deal with this? Do i not worry about is she smells at her moms house, or what she is eating? or id she is being properly dressed? or if she isnt getting the medicine and she gets more sick, and the fact that she is contanstly getting something from there and we are having to foot all the bills with no help.
Any suggestions to handle this in a way that doesnt come across as You did this you did that, but get across that we need some help but we dont want to have to go to court and make her pay just to have our daughters mom throwed in jail cuz we dont want that either.

AmberP · Accepted Answer

ok, this is not some simple thing...she is putting the health of her daughter at risk by not being able to afford the meds for her ring worm, and that is BS. I'm going through hard times too, but 3 dollars for some over the counter stuff is just stupid...ROLL SOME DAMN PENNIES if you are that broke..ya know!
She doesn't have the gas money to pick her up nor take her back home, she doesn't have this she doesn't have that...how on earth is she even thinking about mcdonalds if she doesn't have the money for anything?
I think honestly the only way to get through to a person like this is simply to tell them that they need to get their crap together or they are not going to have the child. Any lawyer will tell you that while she is in the custody of her mom, it is HER responsiblity to take care of what is needed for the child..unless it is something like medicine that she has to take for so many days, etc...then you of course pass it on for mom to give to her. 
If she tries to say anything about her not being able to see her daughter...well then you file for emergency custody until she DOES get her crap together and she is actually taking care of the child the way she should be. 
Now, as for needing help with funds...this is a tough one, she is saying she doesn't have money for gas already and she is going to tell you she doesn't have any extra money to help out either and you know that, you may have to just take her to court and make her pay 50 dollars, 100 dollars...what ever a month, just so that she is paying SOMETHING..
I don't know what else to tell you, other than what she is doing and pulling is a bunch of BS.

blondebarbie82 · Answer

First of all let me tell you it seems you are really great stepmother there is not many stepparents who care enough.i have a step daughter also she has lived with her dad and i since she was ten and now she is 17.she is my whole world i love her so much just as much as i love my son who is  5yrs and my daughter who is 2 rs old.we have went through some pretty hard times with her real mom she dont pay support or dont call she text her her birthday and i thought that was pretty shallow but i still tell my step daughter that is her mom and we cant help the way she is.love her unconditionally.so listen if i were you i ould tell her real mother that she is her daughter also and that the world dont revolve around just her that there are alot of people i the world who are short on cash including yourself and if she cant come up with alittle gas to pick her daughter up or bring her home than she dont get to se her.tell her either pick you daughter up and drop her in time to get redy for school the next day or dont take her for the weekend and most parents get a second job just so they can see there children and tell your stepdaughter its not her fault and its her mother who is missing out on a great kid if she dont come and i promise you put your foot down and she will find a way and if she doesnt than its her lost.keep up the good work and tell the mom to be responsiable when she is at her house.i will be praying for you and your family god bless.

eelfi · Answer

uh! it was too long!
but i must say you are a wonderful step mother! not many step mother are that caring.i think your husband must talk to his x as they must have been close once and he would know it better how to deal with her. that's all i could think of.
hope i helped

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Need help with some problems with my step daughters mom?

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