Sticky situation with friend and her daughter....opinions plz?

This young woman is in desperate need of an advocate right now, and you and your hubby are in the position to be one. Her mother is planning to use her as an incubator, lie to her, and steal her child, a child that she wants to raise, and she is thinking that her mom is just going to help her out for that first little bit so she can get on her feet. It also sounds like mama is doing her level best to discredit her own daughter and make her look bad.

I think that you both have good ideas on how to handle this situation, but I do think that this young lady needs to know the whole truth. You and your hubby can offer a safe place for her to land and to deal with it all. Otherwise, it's putting this girl at risk to be preyed on by her own mother.

I know it hurts to lose a friend, especially a long term one, but it's good that you are willing to end that friendship for the sake of this young woman.

I would tell her everything and once I had told her everything, I would call her Mom (for want of a better word) and tell her that her Daughter knows everything...then tell her that you have no interest in hearing from her again. I would WANT to lose these people as friends, they sound like terrible parents and I can't imagine that they make much better friends. Bipolar doesn't mean that she can not handle the truth, in fact it is being lied to that makes things harder for the sufferers to deal with. Sit her down and discuss things with her and make sure she understands that unless she wants to sign away her rights to that baby, she isn't to sign ANYTHING her Mom puts in front of her. Get her benefits and her WIC back into her pocket so that she can fund herself and eat and get her set up in your travel trailer and then just offer whatever help you can. The girl and her child deserve a chance and I'm almost certain you are the only person going to give it to them.

You're a lovely aunt :)

Your husband is right, you need to explain the situation to her and tell her everything her mother has been saying and her "plan" to trick her into giving her baby to them. Even if this will be difficult for her to hear, if you don't tell her what's really going on then she may still fall for her mother's lies, and then there'll be little you can do to help.

I think it's great that want to help her and allow her to stay with her until she can get housing, but the most important thing you can do is let her know what's really going on so she doesn't get taken advantage of. Your husband is also right that this will probably end your friendship with her parents, but honestly, do you really want to continue to be friends with people who would do something like this to their daughter with no remorse.

no matter what you do in this situation you are more then likely going to loose the 'parents' as your friends. if you take in the girl and help her and get her to keep her baby then the mother will hate you, if you simply tell the girl what her parents are doing and saying then the mother will hate you. as long as you don't mind loosing their friendship i would say talk to the girl, tell her what's going on and then let her know that she has the option to stay with you.

i personally wouldn't care what those parents thought of me (if you were to tell the girl everything and let her stay with you) sounds to me like they are a bit crazy... i mean it's not right to try and steal your own daughters baby.

anyway, no matter which way you cut it SOMEONE is going to get hurt here. i PERSONALLY would talk to this girl and give her the option to stay with me however i would make sure she knows what her mother is up to. i would be more concerned about the 18 yr old pregnant girl then anything else. the girl is still just a child with a baby on the way and that would be my priority. good luck

Mindi, I really think that even if all hell breaks loose, you need to help this girl. I understand your heartache about that because I have friends who I don't understand much anymore, but have been there since junior high, so I put up with them. However, this is a matter of two lives: the young mother and her baby. It shouldn't be legal for her mother to be lying to her the way she is. I can't wrap my mind around it.

I think you should help her in the way you are planning. Stay strong and know that you are probably going to lose the grandparents as friends, but the bigger picture here is that this girl needs her "Aunt Mindi" much more than they need you as a friend.

What type of a mother would she be to the baby if she can't even look after her own daughter who is ill??? That is absolutely disgusting to say the least.... This poor girl needs help and it seems they you and you're hubby are the only ones prepared to step in. What is the world coming to when people can take advantage of someone like that?

I think you have to tell her what is goin gon. But I think before telling her I would work on trying to show her that she can handle this and that she will be able to be a good mom if she wants to be. Then after her convidence is up then I would break it to her that her mom is making these crazy plans. But dont wait too long to tell her because you ahve no idea when the mom may spring those papers on her.

Your friend is not showing that she is a very good person and as hard as it is I would not be as concerned about your friendship but be more concerned abotu the furure of that baby and that poor girl.

The mother is using her pregnant daughter and it is wrong.

OMG - If I were you, I wouldn't want to be a friend with someone who could do something so horrible to their own child. I know you're conflicted about this, but I can tell that you already know the right thing to do. The hardest thing for you may be to actually go against your husbands' opinion (that's always hard - especially when doing it for the benefit of someone else)... but she really needs you. She deserves to know the truth about those papers so she can make an informed decision. It may be hard to hear, but she needs to know. Maybe you could assist her in finding a low-cost attorney to help her look over the papers before she signs them... she needs to know what she's signing.

please make sure that girl knows that her parents are planning on PERMANATELY KEEPING that baby. I dont know about you, but I would feel sooooooo guilty knowing about something like that and not letting the girl know. The girl is making a very mature decision by wanting someone to keep the baby for a few months until she can get on her feet.. but she needs someone to help her that is HONEST and that she can REALLY trust, and who will give her baby back. I think you are a wonderful person for trying to help her..

You should take the girl in the best that u can.. dont worry about loosing her parents as friends.. I realize that yall are all like childhood friends but WHO IN THE HELL WANTS FRIENDS LIKE THAT?????

do what is right!!!!

The best thing is to tell her about her mother's plans. The girl deserves to raise her baby, not her mother. Your friend is using very coercive and manipulative tactics to get her hands on that baby. She shouldn't be treating her daughter like an incubator. I find it disturbing that she had been planning on using her daughter to breed more babies for herself, especially when the girl was so young. Definitely tell her daughter everything.