If your friend were not a good mother?

~What you describe is at least borderline abuse and certainly neglect. By all means, let her child come to your house and perhaps you can repair some of the damage being done to the poor child before it is too late. Let your child go there? How often to do want to have to 'unteach' the lessons your child will learn there? Are you prepared for the battles you will undoubtedly have down the road when your kid demands the same kind of "freedom" that his/her friend seemingly has? I wouldn't want the grief. I would consider a call to the local hot-line if the situation is as bad as the picture you paint. Such a call, in the long run, would be a favor to your friend if he/she is mature enough and ambitious enough to want to learn to be a parent. If she/he is not, then the call would be a favor to the child and to society at large.

EDIT:

You find it "damaging" but don't consider it abusive? Interesting. The law takes a different view. What you describe is clearly neglect, and depending on the extent, probably abuse. Ignorance and intent are not the issue. Abuse is the conduct and the effect (or potential effect) on the child. Psychological and emotional abuse is serious and name-calling is but one method. The unjustified, unjustifiable and seemingly uncontrollable yelling might qualify as another. The lack of supervision is unconscionable. Shall we wait until the kid is hit by a car and killed or spirited away by a pedophile during one of her momentary lapses before stepping in? This situation sounds serious and if the child is only 2 1/2, I fear the adolescent and teenager that is being created, never mind the adult. Something should be done now, before the damage to the child is irreversible.

Oscar is right. I totally agree with him. I think it IS neglect and it is abuse.It may not be violent abuse, but it's definitely abuse in my opinion. If that is happening when you are around, what do you think it happening behind closed doors and when no one is around?!? Think about it. Chances are there is more going on that you don't know about.

I think you are enabling your friend as well, but continuing to go over there and not stepping in or saying something. By going over there and associating with her, is basically saying you are OK with how she is "parenting" her child.

A 2.5 year old should never be left unsupervised. It sounds like she cares more about smoking her precious ciggerettes (or perhaps something else, you didn't state what exactly she was smoking) than her own child. She's probably the type who would smoke in front her baby too, and in the car with the baby as well.

With that being said, the well being of that child is more important than your friendship. You should take action. If I was in your place, I'd do an annoymus call to CPS because in my mind your friend fits the description of an unfit mother. But that's just me.

I may not be a mother, which i thinks a darn good thing seeing as i'm sixteen. But i know what your going threw. Sometimes i think my step mom is more a child and i am my stepsisters mother. The only thing you can really do is sit down with her and tell her whats going on, show her steps she can take. Tell her what could happen if she lets this continue. In my high school 97% of the teenagers get away with EVERYTHING. And that's because their parents don't care. Tell your friend if she cares about her kids future, she should be there for the child and the best way for it to be raised would be in a clean environment.

I HAD a friend who was very much like the person you are describing but she WAS a drug user. I hated that my daughter had to witness all that went on and i know that my ex friend's daughter felt neglected. You could see it in her eyes, she was 4.

I did end the friendship but only after she started abusing me and putting my own child in danger. I actually walked in on her once lighting a bong in front of MY daughter. I went to the bathroom and came out to see her standing in the kitchen with mine and her daughter only a few feet away. I was disgusted and that was it. I ended it.

I don;t think your friend is this bad but it could possibly escalate if she is distracted all the time. I will of cause effect your son as he would look at her and see a "scary person".

I don't know hun, i would say be very careful and if things are starting to get too much maybe try and talk to her about it.

Sorry i can't help.

Can I ask a question? Is the mother a teen, I have seen that some teenaged moms just don't have the experience and or patience when it comes to raising a child. I am very old school when it comes to having children. Teens, who are barely grown up shouldn't have children. How are they going to raise a baby by themselves, when they still rely on the help of their parents?

Maybe you should suggest she needs to pay more attention to her son, if she's having problems suggest maybe getting a nanny or maybe put him in a daycare.

One of my bestfriends got her first baby taken away bc the child was a month old and "mysteriously" got her ankle and wrist fractured. I stopped talking to her when she told me she was pregnant again a month after her daughter got taken away bc I was pregnant and had a 4 year old step son and I refuse to associate with someone who doesnt know how her 1mth old child fractured some bones, and then gets pregnant again. She says she doesnt now how it happened, and I personally think her husband did it bc he doesnt know how to deal with children. Hes verrrrrry immature and one time he screamed in her ear all loud. (this was before she got taken away so she was still really tiny)

I miss my friend alot, and I love her and her children more than anything but I cannot let my children be around someone like that.

Her daughter is 9mths old now, and still is in foster care, and shes due in the same month her first child was born, and it makes me sick bc I know she got pregnant again to replace the daughter she probably wont ever get back.

I know this is not your friends situation but it could turn into that.

She needs to watch her child, and if she isnt then she is NOT trying her hardest at being a mother. A real mother watches her babies extremely closely for atleast the first 8 years of their lives, and if the child is 2 and half he/she should NOT be playing outside by themselves bc they could get seriously injured and they could get abducted.

I personally wouldnt associate with a person like that even if we were bestfriends since birth, bc its basically showing her what she is doing is okay to you, and obviously it isnt. You should NEVER have to go searching for a child ever, that young especially.

..oh and about teen mothers not paying too much attention to their children..

I am a teen mother. I was 17 when I got pregnant and took on the responibilty of taking care of my 4 year old stepson, now im 18 and have two children to take care of and Im doing a great job. Me and my boyfriend live on our own, and I have been living with him for over a year now since my parents kicked me out when I was 17 and they didnt, and still dont care about me. I take care of my kids better than my parents ever took care of me and they were grown adults when they had me. Being a teen mom doesnt mean your gonna be a bad mother.

she might be in a situation that she feels trapped or depressed or no ones not their for her and her child..their could be many reasons why shes acting that way.she should go to a therapist...poor baby.i hate hearing things like that when it invovles a child.What the hells wrong with her!is she using?if i were u call cps on her ***..i know its ur friend but for the sake of the child,what kind of person would u be if something happened to the child?i wish u the best of luck

sounds like your tired of being the "good mommy" all the time while others don't seem to put as much responsibility and thought into parenting.

perhaps you'd like to do the same and not really give a **** anymore, but you can't, so you focus your frustrations on what other mommies are doing wrong. what makes you think your such a good mommy?

getting a bit tired of the whole thing huh?

not so fulfilling anymore is it?

too late, you made your bed.

I think if she really doesn't know then you need to tell her. The most important thing is not your friendship but what is best for the child. Be careful though make sure that you really are making the best decision before you sacrifice your friendship. People are over sensitive these days espically when it come to their kids.

Tell her what she is doing wrong because if it were someone else somebody will call CPS and child will be taken away. Tell her to take it easy and let her know her child is just a child.