Am I being selfish for not wanting my step-son to live with us and wanting some alone time with my husband?

You married a man with a child. What did you expect? His son should come first. It is not the boy's fault that your work requires you to be gone for long periods at a time. Nor is it his fault you married a man with a child. So, yes, you are being selfish. It isn't like you didn't know about the boy before you married the man. Perhaps, you can come to some other arrangement than kicking the boy out of his rightful home?

No and yes. No you are not being selfish to want to spend more time with your husband. Perhaps you should plan a weekend for just the two of you going somewhere special. But on the other hand you are being selfish. You married a man who already had a child, and you should of thought of the possibility that the child would at some point want to live with his dad. You shouldn't make a problem where your husband has to choose between you and his own child. It is also selfish, because the son just wants to be with his dad and he deserves that, because he came before you. Try making the best of the situation and get to know your step son a little better. You never know, the two of you could become very close and you may wish that he was your child.

Having a baby is a choice you make, and that involves devoting most of your energy and personal time for a very long time. No help can be expected. It is often why people wait until they are financially more secure to hire help when you need it. I am sorry to hear about your mother dying. That is always a tragedy to recover from. Any help that anyone gives to allow you to get away or out is a blessing. People in general are going to be who they are. Selfish is a wrong word. But that is neither here nor there. You can make guesses as to why people do one thing and not another. Maybe watching the other child is all she can handle. You are allowed to feel slighted by her. That's just the way it is, and you can probably expect it will be that way. It's not a double standard. It is her way to choose to do what she wants to do. Feel free to dislike it, and find a competent sitter or friend.

Yes, you are being selfish. You knew the man had a son when you married him. Part of being a father is spending time with the child. Father and son are a package deal. If you cannot love and accept the child, end the relationship. You're doing no one a favor by staying around and fighting about it. If you try to make him choose between you and the boy, I'm afraid you'll lose.

It has been five years and you are still more involved with

your job than your marriage? You may want to see if you

can change priorities and get more time at home.

Plan a week-end get away and hire someone to stay with

his son. Families with children manage to spend time with

each other. You and your husband should be able to do this.

Yes, you are being selfish. The son came with the package

deal. You knew this going into the marriage.

Sorry. Yes. You are being selfish. You knew when you got married that your husband had a son, and that his custody arrangements could change on short notice. You also just don't "get it". His son must come first. Otherwise, he's not much of a father, and won't be a good father to your children if you ever have any. If you try to pit what you "want" against his responsibilities, the responsibilities are going to win.

You should not have gotten married. You are immature, and too focused on yourself. Your focus after marriage should be, equally at the very least, on what your husband wants and needs, including those responsibilities that NEED to be attended to, like caring for his children. You should be happy that he has this opportunity to spend time with his kids. You should want his kids to have whatever they need because they are HIS kids, and you should want to help him to succeed as a father. Those kids aren't the competition, they aren't just another responsibility you didn't want, they are your FAMILY now. Family is what marriage is all about. The "I" in family is just one of many.

Bottom line -- if you weren't ready to have kids, you should not have married a man who has kids, and who has the responsibility to care for them. Kids come first, because they are kids. They need to be protected and cared for. They can't do it for themselves.

This reminds me of a great scene in The Parent Trap, where the self-centered fiance tells the father of two girls, "it's ME or THEM", and he smiles at her and says, "Them! Of COURSE." It was an "ah hah!" moment for the self-centered fiance who thought what she wanted should come before all else.

Honestly, it sounds like you weren't quite as ready for marriage as you thought you were. If you can't handle the responsibility and the sharing and the consideration for others and having to share some of the attention with his kids, it's better to let him know now, instead of dragging it out. You might want to consider some counselling. And, if all you do is argue, your relationship might improve if you go ahead and move out and get a place of your own. He has to live with his kids, but you don't. Some people actually stay married, but live in different residences. It's unusual, but may be worth a try.

No. You are not being selfish to want to have some private time to spend alone with your husband. Ask him to set a specific time for his son to visit that is agreeable to you before inviting him to stay in your home again. Surely, he has the right to spend some time with his son, but you should come first in your husband's priorities to please. If your husband does not respect your wishes, perhaps you do not need to be with him. Send him over to his son and his son's mothers house You and your husband need to establish better communication with each other so you can present a united front to the ex wife, the son and anyone who could possibly have an influence on your marriage. Best wishes.

YES you're being selfish you knew he had a son when you married him don't try to bring him away from his kid because you want him all to yourself that IS being selfish... plus he wants to live with his son i think that's great. like i said you knew what you got yourself into!!

EDIT:

and like the other lady said, his son comes first. believe me there's not a man in this world who would make me put my daughter second's. that's just not right. you are a selfish woman! and to the person who said to tell him, it's harsh but to tell him, well like i said before SHE KNEW WHAT SHE GOT HERSELF INTO... she has no right to come between the relationship he has with his son.

just tell your husband, that if you arent ready for your own kids how can you be ready for someone else's kids, sounds harsh but its the truth. tell him you want to be able to spend more time alone with your husband before you can take this decision. i dont think you are selfish, but try spending more time with your husband's son, get to know him and show your husband that you are making an effort in trying to get to know your step-son.

Grow the hell up or move out.

This is your husband's son. You are a vile, disgusting person if you would truly turn him away from living with his father.

Sick.