how to help her adjust?

Forgive my saying this, but could she be feeling that you yourself aren't that happy about her going to her father? Children (like animals) are very good at picking up non verbal signs. In that case, it becomes a vicious circle which has to be broken. But as an adult you may find it easier to work on yourself and your negative feelings about his visiting rights before you work on your child. If you come to look forward to this moment as a precious occasion for her to relate to her father and create a bond with him, then she may also gradually come to enjoy her visits.

Of course, this is pure speculation - he may be mistreating her or be rough with her. Men often are awkward with children that age, esp girls. They often rely on mothers to offer bonding in the family, don't they?

Good luck, not an easy situation. Hope it improves with time.

she obviously has separation anxiety... you should sit down and ask her WHY she doesn't want to go and go from there...

remind her every minute before she goes how long the visit is going to be, and remind her that you'll be right there waiting for her when she returns - maybe she feels as if she's never gonna see you again.

maybe you can even tell her how dad misses her so much and loves spending time with her too.

also, it helps to start preparing her for her visit at least half an hour before the actual time, tell her dad will be there in 30 minutes - maybe you can spend a little quality time with her right before she goes - like reading a book, coloring or something...you can also encourage her to take something she feels safe with (ie: some kids have a security blanket, maybe a favorite toy, etc)

How does he feel about her reaction? Does he insist she go anyway? Are you and he able to be civil together?

When I was a kid, I did the same thing. I didn't want to go with my father, didn't want to see my father. Neither my father nor my mother pushed it. Then after a while he started visiting, just hanging out with both of us with no pressure to go anywhere. I relaxed eventually, but it was possible because they were able to get along and I wasn't forced to do anything.

If he insists on his visitations however, that makes the situation more difficult. I would talk to a child counselor about strategies-maybe the guidance counselor at school could recommend someone. I feel really bad for you for the position you're in.

Oh wow what a tough situation....I know that's got to be difficult for both you and her. I don't know how you get along with her father, but it seems that he should be more helpful and give her a break. I mean I know that he wants to see his child, but is he comforting her at all? Is there a reason she doesn't want to be there or is she just uncomfortable. These are all questions I feel I'd need to address with the father. It just raises red flags for me when a child is so against being with a particular adult. You're a very strong woman to remain so positive and encouraging your daughter to pursue a relationship with her father.

I would talk to the dad, have him bring some fun stuff she can do in the car ride on the way to his house, to keep her distracted... He's *got* to start talking to her, hugging her, etc., to comfort her, *himself*... Finally, if this is more about a power play, on his part, I'd tell him he's not helping the situation, and this is all supposed to be in the best interest of your daughter. (I'd say this away from her, of course.)

Good luck.