scarred for life? or can it heal with time?

Question

OK, its pretty complicated, but I need your opinions as I am falling deeper and deeper into a depression. 
I got out of a 7 year emotionally abusive and draining relationship, and family that is of no support. Luckily I got out of there with no strings attached, although it was very challenging to finally leave, and get over him. I fell into a bad depresion. Was single for about a year, started dating and finding myself again. I dated a lot and was looking for something more than the usual, and I'm very picky, so I wasn't going to settle for any guy.  I finally  met this wonderful man, coulda been the man I've been dreaming of. We dated for a month and everything's going great, when one morning I get a phone call and its his wife!!! I quickly ended things with him, and told her that I was sorry, but never knew he was married. He continued to pursue me, and let me know that he and his wife was going through a separation. So...low and behold, I'm back with this guy. He held back info that woulda made me stray the moment Id find out, but I had fallin' hard for him, and it's not ok in my book to be with a married man, but I made an exception for him. Lowering my standards. It's been almost a year he finally filed for divorce. I love him, and I know he loves me too, but I can't help to feel insecure at times, what if he does that to me? ...am I ever going to get over the fact that i was with a married man? We fight all the time, and its because I get these bad jealousy/insecurities that I blame on him for putting me through this. But he thinks its from my past relationships. 
Help me, I want to feel peace of mind again. Will I get it if I stay with him? I feel like I'm always out to sabbotage my relationships, because with my ex, I was always afraid that he's do me wrong too. What am I afraid of??

sweetmama · Accepted Answer

Tell him you have to break it off with him and that you will be single again... he can call you the day the divorce is finalized and if you are still single.. you can make a go of it together if you want. It is the only way it will work longterm. The percentage of cheaters that go on to healthy, happy relatiionships is low. so  end it and start it again later when he is truly single and it can be "right" for you both.. the waiting will only make it better and more valuable if it is meant to be.

Anonymous · Answer

You must release your guilt feelings and your insecurities and live this love in the present.  If you continue to create arguments he will definitely move on and then what?  You must first of all concentrate on what you want from a relationship as well as what you can give TO someone (in terms of support etc).  If you decide that he's a good man to you (after all he's filed for divorce for you, right? so he must love you) and that you can be good to him and his life, then be strong and live your love in the present.  

I don't believe that once a cheater always a cheater.  Why?  Because people grow and mature.  But if you continue with your fears and doubts, there is only one outcome...

Crazzeee X · Answer

You are carrying a lot of baggage from your past relationship!!!! And you need to deal with it otherwise you will never be able to move forward in a healthy relationship. Your fear of him doing the same thing to you is not unfounded, its a huge possibility

Sashi · Answer

Ola....
babe... u are the reason he is ruining his marriage....(atleast u are a catalyst)
second, he lied to u.... (hiding truth = lie = cheating = DANGER ) 
what he did to his wife , i'm confident he will do it to u....
a man with morals will never do this without divorcing his wife.

Anonymous · Answer

you're scarred for life.. you need mental help.. figure out why you go after losers..

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scarred for life? or can it heal with time?

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