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Fug-azi asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Abstract Poem - Critique Please?

~Hollow Echoes Of Retreating Breaths~

Sighs contents litter

across ambit’s reassurance

where security trails ‘in’,

and the language

of a thousand-yard-stare

reveals natural rhythm

for meanings hidden.

A glass-eyed iris contracts

when clouds weave scripts

across vulgar clarity,

deafening the onslaught

of voided accords,

and what of furrowed brows

ploughed into fallow expression,

are they proof of a presence?

Update:

Aquarius .. I've been writing poetry for 20 years, I have three books published. Why should I add a paraphrase, if you are so stupid you can't understand what is written try going back to school.

4 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This isn't "abstract".

    It's drivel, an insult to the reader.

    Try writing a paraphrase - I'll bet you can't. Which should tell you something.

    20 years eh?

    Nearly as long as me.

    Rubbish is still rubbish, my friend. Mixed and meaningless metaphors don't impress me, I'm afraid.

    Source(s): Published poet.
  • 1 decade ago

    I will not insult the work because I can not understand it. It is like a painting that does not express reality but conveys shapes, colours texture and word sensation and many abstract and sometimes unrealistic thoughts. The imagery is abstract and appeals to subconscious thought.

  • Matt H
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    It's not abstract enough! good though; it's like a Ted Hughes style poem.

  • 1 decade ago

    Fug Azi -- can you let me know which three books you've had published? I'd love to read them! (Don't like your poem much, if I'm being honest)

    Add. Fug Azi -- you haven't told me where I can see/buy your three books, please let me know. Titles, ISBN numbers, publisher etc, thanks looking forward to reading them.

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