I need help - obsessed with husband's ex!?

Before I married my husband I dated guy for a long time. We had one of those super passionate, spiritual connection relationships. We wrote the most passionate love letters, we did amazing things together - but ultimately we were really bad for each other. We were definitely in love, we were connected on a deep lasting level, but we couldn't be kind with each other. We couldn't be good for each other. I broke it off with him, and started seeing my now husband. Things are different. Things are better. I am much happier with my husband. We don't have the same kind of connection sexually, or that weird spiritual like feeling connection - but I am happier. Do I still check in on the ex sometimes? Sure! Would I ever get back with him? No way! Things with my husband are more comfortable, and I am happier. I love him more. Its just that different relationships are, well, different. I don't write the same kinds of love letters for my husband - and I wouldn't want to. It would remind me of the ex, and my husband deserves more then just my reruns. Try to forget about it. She tried to get him back while you were together and failed. He obviously loves you very much - so try to relax. See a therapist if you need to. If you aren't feeling as desirable, spice it up - you can inject some more passion into your relationship! Make more quality time for the two of you. If he didn't want to be with you, he doesn't have to be, so try to give him the benefit of the doubt, and try to stop obsessing about this girl. If he finds your creeping on her, that will definately put an odd spin on things.

You have a need to feel wanted and to be in love. At the moment you have broken hearts. You need closure. If you can't turn off the computer and start a new hobby like collecting stamps. Then maybe try approaching the situation head on. This advice is bad, I know. Create a fake facebook account. Put a picture of some woman you know that he would look at. Before you add him, add other people to the friends list and then add him, so he will not be suspcious. If he takes the bait, you can then trawl through his messages and photo album and cross reference comments with dates with events when he was with you. I'm sure, it will rip and even tear your heart apart. It will make you angry too. But when you think about it, you will see he was a right dick head and you are better off without him. As for meeting people. Can you cut down your hours? Do some volunteer work in a homeless shelter perhaps. See how tough life is for people struggling to survive on the basics. Your life might take a turn for the better.

That fact that he doesn't want to talk about her doesn't mean that he still has feelings for her he probably got hurt by her and there is something there that you don't know and shouldn't know. We all have a past you just have to get over his. You say that talking to him is not an option but it is probably the biggest option you have because he loves you and i'm sure he doesn't want to deal with you obsessive, jealousy, insecurities.

Realize that she is not in your lives no more she's somewhere in Australia with her boyfriend. The fact that your husband Google her might just mean that he wants to know how she's doing. I'm sure he still cares about her as a friend I know I still care about a few of my ex's and i still look them up to see how they're doing. Just get over it.

You are making him more interested in her by bringing her up and acting as if you are insecure. Guys are not attracted to insecure women. they are attracted to women who feel good about themselves.

Outer attraction does not have all to do with why a person is "unbelievably" attractive. It is the combination of their looks, their personality, intelligence, and what ever else he sees beyond her physical appearance. You do not know her, so you will never know. She probably broke his heart. You should know that the first love is always the one that stays in the back of your mind, even though you move on.

Quit acting so immature and insecure. You are the mother to his child, something she is not. You are the person he is with right now, something she is not. She has moved on. If the met again tomorrow, they would neither one, be the same person, because of the things they have experienced since they were together. Remember that you are the one that loves him now. Show him the best of you, and make him fall in love with you, the same way he did with her. A relationship does not keep its spark without some help. It takes work, and you need to find ways to get that spark again!! Spend your time doing that, instead of obsessing and studying her. They did not make it!!! Hopefully, you and he will!!!

Good Luck!!

Is this about your lack of security or about her?

Leave the past where it belongs, he is with you, not her. Obsessing about her is just going to make you unhappy and drive a wedge between you. He had a life before you, you need to accept that.

On the subject of googling exes I have done so occasionally out of mere curiosity, not out of any desire to hook up with them. If it didn't work then, why would it work now?

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/nxDQV

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

That is his past. You know the time in his life where you were non existent. Really, it's none of your business. If he doesn't want to discuss her with you, then stop pushing him to do so. He married you not her, and you should be trying to make a future rather than prying into his past. We would all be fighting with our partners if we wanted to dwell on their pasts. Get over it and move forward.

Omg im in completely in the same situation its as if i had wrote this!!

Its horrible isnt it, my fiance has this ex that i cant stop obsessing about i wasnt too worried about her when i first met him but i found all these letters and messages they had sent eachother they seemed so happy, they was one letter saying they dont know why they had broke up. He dumped her i think but then tried to get back together with her but she had met someon else, think he never ever got over her. Why did your guy split up with his ex btw? do you know?

Shes absolutely gorgeous as well long blonde hair really sexy prettiest thing ive ever seen (believe me that makes it so much harder when there stunning). They still keep in contact because they have a dog together and she comes round and walks it now again it drives me mad im so jealous. He kept her underwear in his draw for the first 6 months we were together (said he never knew it was there) but i knows thats rubbish because i found a old message saying he would keep it as a reminder. It took him ages to throw out all her stuff (presents and stuff off her) only when i said something to him did he throw it out.

Its so hard i know he loves me and says how gorgeous i am but i feel as if how can i possibly compete with her she seems so much more than me. I look at old photos of them he looks so happy with her compared to the ones with me. I cant help but obsess. I alwyas wonder if he had the choice again would he pick her?

I totally understand how you feel it drives you mad, starting to affect my relationship because im becoming more and more insecure. I check her facebook all the time i cant help it im still trying to work out how to get over it.

I would be furious if i found out hed been googling her though that must have been upsetting.

I think the only way to get through this is just to put her out your mind easier said then done like

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