What's the point of Step parent adoption?

I don't get it either, Lady. It baffles me as it reeks of entitlement and what the PARENT wants -- namely, to punish the other bio parent. What I don't get is how this person was once good enough to make a baby with but suddenly is a drug user/criminal/generally bad guy. There are so many posts on here day in and day out about how to adopt as a stepparent, yet no one ever seems to have a really good reason for it.

I'm with you on this one.

ETA: I stand corrected. I never realized there were actually GOOD reasons for a stepparent to adopt, but Kidmindi has proven me wrong. Good job, Kid. :)

You deleted the other question so I post the answer here since it's the same one pretty much: If you can not find the father so he can give up his parental rights you have to go to court and claim he abandoned his child since he has never been there. They can then remove his parental rights. Then the step dad can apply for adoption. A 7yo have no problem understanding where babies come from. Children young than that understands. Only 3 years left until he will be in pre-puberty. And yes, it would be a mistake not to tell him because he will probably find out one day and have questions and you might not be there anymore to answer them. What it his biological father have some illness running in the family? Like cancer or being prone to heart disease. Those things you want to know when you have a family of your own and the doctor starts to ask. He might want to meet him one day. By not telling him you are taking that choice away from him. Personally I think you should tell him when the adoption thing is about to start. The focus is not on his bio dad not interested in being there but the fact that his step dad chooses HIM! When he has got used to the idea and the news make a party out of it. Celebrate the dad and his son. Tell him by telling the story about how you and his bio dad met, fell in love and fell out of love and how some people want kids and others do not. You wanted kids and therefor he stayed with you. Then you fell in love again because people can fall in love more than once but this time it was Prince Charming and he wanted kids too so he became your son's dad and then you had more children because you love them so much. But now, since this is the real world and not a fairytale, the law comes in and everything must be done in court so he is his son on paper. So you and his dad will fix this and then throw a party to celebrate. And his dad CHOSE to be his dad in court and everything because he loves him so much and nothing can change the fact that he is now his dad in every way. Wow that got long but I hope you understand that you can make this into something positive. Don't focus on "his biological father did not want him". Answer him if he asks about him. And tell him that when he gets older that you have the information if he wants to see him. Collect photos,addresses etc in the bank just in case. Maybe he needs a kidney one day who knows. Let it be his decision when he's an adult.

I agree with stepparent adoption when the couple have been married a couple of years and when the natural father is not part of the picture. I am COMPLETELY AGAINST stepparent adoption when the father is involved whether or not he pays up on child support or not unless it is the father's choice.

Child support should not even be part of the equation. Otherwise, women on welfare would be subject to loss of their children for not supporting them.

If the father was not involved, there are any number of good reasons for a stepparent to adopt the child because (a) he is raising the child and (b) if something happened to the mother, the child would very likely be taken from the stepfather. It is VERY common for a judge to simply ignore the fact that the child been raised by this guy for 6 or 7 years and pluck the child from his home to place with blood relatives. Blood relatives can easily get a will overturned. Splitting up the family is not in the best interests of the child or the (step)parent.

I would have been happy to stay my daughter's step mom. However her first mom came to me and asked if I would adopt her. She had several reasons. First off she didn't want to have to pay child support anymore. The court required her to pay support when my husband got custody.

Also my daughter is special needs which translates into a LOT of doctor visits, both scheduled and ER. In my state a step parent cannot consent to medical treatment of a step child w/o written consent of the bio parent. In an emergency situation, that is not always possible. I once took my then step daughter to the ER and then had to call my husband home from a job to come and consent to treatment.

Another reason my daughter's first mom wanted me to adopt was that my husband is in bad health. He has a heart condition and his father died from the same condition when he was 45. In the event of his death, we were all concerned that his mother would be able to get custody of our daughter and neither she nor I would be allowed to see our daughter again. (my MIL is a serious b*tch...trust me she has the money to fight a legal battle and she would do ANYTHING to keep her first mom out of her life) A________ (first mom) knows I would never cut her out of her daughter's life.

And from my own standpoint, I have raised this child from the time she was 8 months old. If my husband and I were to divorce, I would want visitation with her.

I think alot of people do step parent adoption for this last reason. They marry someone with a child and help raise the child and if they should divorce their spouse, they still love and have a history with the child and they want o have the right for visitation.

Another reason to consider is in the case of domestic violence. If a first parent is/was violent, the other parent my want their new spouse to adopt to keep the violent/ abusive parent away from the child.

And then of course there are those who just want to forget the child has another parent.

If your friend does not want to sign away his right then he does not have to. If he is supporting his kids and being a dad to them then no judge will take his kids away.

Hope this helps.

I don't really get it either. I do know families where one of the parents are step parents raising a child or children and in all but one case none of them have adopted the child/children but then both parents are still alive and have an input. The one case of step parent adoption the adults thought it was in the best interest of the child and father wouldn't see his son so the son wouldn't grow up confused. They know they were naive now as the son did grow up being confused as to why his dad didn't want to see him. The son does see his dad regularly now.

I wanted my step-mom to adopt me, but my biological mother wouldn't let her. It was all MY idea and my stepmom was actually pretty shocked when I brought it up.

My mother is alive, but she lives in her own "self pity, abusive, alcoholism life" where no one else matters. I was taken from her for abuse and neglect as a child and my stepmom and dad stepped in and raised me. My mother never ever made any effort and I wanted a MOM. My stepmom was my MOM... and I wanted that to be legal. It didn't happen and our relationship isn't any different- nor would it be if she had adopted me.

If both parents are in the child's life I don't see any good reason at all/.

I'm sorry for your friends situation. I know that my ex-husband recently adopted his step-son, and they made that choice because the child's dad had never been interested in being in his life, and his step-dad is the 'dad' he had known and loved since he was very small. I'm not sure of the exact reason to go the adoption route - but it meant that he had the same last name, I would assume makes it easier in legal situations etc... and for them just made sense. It was far more expensive and invasive a process then they thought it would be, but they all seem very happy.

There are really good reasons for a step parent to adopt.

~~BUT~~

I think most people are just in it for the illusion that their "old lives" don't exist anymore. After all, if everyone has the same last name, everyone will be happy forever, right?

Tell your friend to fight to the death for his kids. Tell him he can sleep well at night knowing he's doing the right thing. Tell him even through his kids can't tell him now, they will be happy and grateful he didn't give them up like a bunch of stray kittens.

In my opinion this has nothing to do with the child and everything to do with financial backing. The child knows who their father is and they may not even want to let their stepfather adopt them. As a kid they have no idea what all that even means. At least this way if the new marriage doesn't work out then a father who isn't even the blood related father can now legally have to pay child support. I think this whole situation is stupid.

If you are getting your support from your ex then you shouldn't be pressuring your child or your new hubby to adopt. Usually the case is that the ex isn't paying child support so the spouse wants the new hubby to adopt. This ensures at least that when this marriage fails like the last they can take a new person to court.

If you're asking why for reasons other than financial (to get the absent parent out of paying maintenance **or** so that the kid can inherit from the AP, f'r example) or medical (not all places will allow step-parents to wield Parental Rights), then I don't have a clue other than spite and greedyness.

*hugs* to your friend - and my advice to him is to NOT sign his rights away.