How would you handle this soon to be 12 year old boy?

It sounds like he has nothing that is motivating him and a life that has allowed him to become "fat and lazy".

You need to change his diet. I don't mean calorie starving him or denying him the occasional treat but he should be drinking water not soda. My 3 year old never gets soda and my 7 year old only gets it once every few months. Soda consumption will certainly add to "fat" but it will also lead to "lazy" because it provides him with no nutrients (the stuff to keep him going). Take out foods, quick prepare foods (Side Kicks, Romin Noodles, tv dinners) are not good for you. They contain a lot of chemicals that are hard for the body to process while also leads to "fat". Diet AKA proper nutrition WILL make a big difference to your child.

More on the side of "lazy" as a parent have you insisted he clean up his toys as a child or did you do that for him? My sons clean up their own toys (which is physical activity) because I've insisted on it since they were old enough to do so.

Have you tried to enroll your son into an after school community program (Judo, Tae Kwon Do, Baseball, Soccer)? Maybe he's not a very independent person and can't organize himself in an active play activity. If that is the case an organized sports program maybe a great starting point. You could also set a good example by enrolling both you and your son in a parent/child program. It may take a few tries but if you can find a physical activity that does interest him it will follow him home (he'll want to play/practice at home).

His hands may not be big enough to pour the soda with one hand (holding the glass with the other). If Styrofoam cups are a problem try letting him have a 'special' plastic cup that is just his. Look around for a fairly thick plastic glass and it shouldn't "run away" on him. Or you can get up yourself and pour him a drink, make him walk with you to the kitchen to get his now full cup, if he doesn't pour it and leave it in the kitchen. If he asks about it explain that he's a big boy and you want to help him with pouring since it's hard for him but he can walk to the kitchen to get his cup once it's full.

If you usually give into him after he "is stubborn" for a while he is learning that being stubborn gets him what he wants. Stop giving into him, you are the parent. Once he learns you will not give into him (consistently, all the time) then he will give up and stop wasting energy complaining about it.

He's not a bad kid, just needs some guidance and some small changes. Remember he can pick up on your feelings toward him so if you go around only thinking of him as fat and lazy he won't want to have anything to do with you.

For yourself and your relationship with this child (and to really see an improvement in him) make a list of all the things you like/admire about him. When he shows you his negative traits (ones you don't like) go back to your list of positives, read it, remember specific times he used his positive traits and try to re-create a positive situation to give him the opportunity to show you his positive traits and for you to use an effective way of showing him which traits you prefer to see.

Best of luck!

If I can sense that you don't like him (you may love him, but you don't like him) - then he is sensing it too. Give him more positive attention. Buy bikes for everyone and get him moving as a family adventure. Emphasize the ways that he is amazing.

Angst caused your step-sons gifted brother to give up - don't put this kid on the same path. He is around a lot of negativity - he needs something to counter that, or why would it make sense to make the effort to be your best self. All of you need a break from the negativity.

Truly LIKE the kid and want what is best for him - then take it from there.

Edit***If the boy's father is yelling at you in front of the boy, then the father has taken away all of your authority. That is a relationship problem. He sees you as weak and therefore cannot feel safe or trust you. You will not be able to help him much, not because of the twelve year old, but because of the way you and your husband interact in front of him.

First thing I would do is STOP thinking things like "its just his way" or "Its just how he is" Those are giving up statements. You never want to give up on a child because then you are the loser and so is the child. Maybe you and his father need to do things with him. Do not expect him to just go out and start riding his bike for hours alone...Take him places that encourage physical activity. Kids learn by example more than all the words imaginable. I do not think hes on a path of destruction. Its worse. He is on a very short path that leads nowhere. The problem with getting active and enjoying physical activity is that its not fun when you are out of shape. You and his father need to gradually get him into it and the better he feels the more he will want to do. As for the bikes...why were they bought for him? You sound like you blame him for having the bikes. Did he buy them? Did he earn the money working and pay for them? I think not. I think he asked for them and you or his father bought them...Blame, if you must place it is not on the child. If I bought everything my kids wanted for one I would be a fool and two I would see a lot of unused wasted items. Anyways whatever you feel are his bad habits...they must be un-done by example and not making big deals out of his short comings. You say he acts like a younger child then teach him like one...encouragement and example....easy solution about the soda thing...do not have it in the house when hes there. That goes for cookies, cakes, chips, anything he would snack on that's bad for him. I read you saying "theres probably nothing I can do" that's not true. If you teach him while he is in your home you have done your part. You need to do your part in this boys life and lead by example. If you do this he will have the knowledge in his head and the choice to use it will be his.

When kids become teenagers, they want time away from their parents. You have to give them space to do what they want to do. If you want to make him stop being stuck up, try bringing him to the mall or something like that and then let him be on his own for a while. Give him some money (not a credit card, maybe $40 cash) and a place to meet you at say 2 or 3 hours later. This will help him realize that you respect him. Give him a little space to grow. It's usually the parents that have more trouble letting go of their little child. So, tell and show that you respect him and realize he is growing up and can't hold onto him forever.

From watching countless episodes of Super Nanny, you probably need to be more firm with him starting as soon as you can.

-Tell him that he either rides the bikes or they get donated

-Tell him to clean up the messes he has made or there will be a punishment

-When he's being lazy, tell him he won't be able to do something he enjoys (such as watching TV) until he has done whatever you want him to do.

First off I have a son who is a genious(IQ 142) who has no common sense. They are 2 different things. Some folks can think on such a deep level and yet have no basic problem solving skills and common sense. My husband is the same way. First off, how much controll do you have with this child? If you are in a rule making position then you must make some giant changes and soon. You need to start with diet and free time. If he doesnt go out to play because he can sit and watch TV and play video games then obviously that is the frist thing to go. My kids, and I have 6, ages 1-11, dont play video games at all on the weekdays, they come in from school at 2:45, they get one small snack, something prepackaged like a bag of chips or crackers with cheese, cheese stick, fruit cup, jello, bags of teddy grahms, granola bars, ect.... then they go outside and play until I call them in for showers and dinner, If they choose not to go out, they dont get TV or video games or computer or telephone time then, they can stay in and write in their journals, draw, or read. After dinner and homework and their one assigned chore for that week, then they can have what we call free time, which is computer time,Not video games, but learning websites, like yahooligans or Discovery channel stuff, or they can watch TV at that time, Also they can take their ipods outside to listen to while they ride their bikes around or swing on the swingset. (we live in the countrym, by the way) Some of my daughter(age 11) s friends have said that our rules are kind of strict but the kids dont mind it too much because it has always been like this, also all my kids make great grades, have super vocabularies, have a healthy glow and are in good shape, none overweight. Lay some ground rules for this kid and let him know he can be part of this new lifestyle by giving his input on what types of healthy snacks will be in the house and what kinds of activities he wants to do. And then you must actually take his suggestions into consideration, If he says Id like to walk around the zoo or the museam, you should take him, get him moving. And be forgiving of his lack of common sense, which is hard to do. My son drives me nuts with some of the stuff he still does at age 9. When he does something like that you need to literally have a talk about it even though to you it seems like a pointless discussion. Say: look, juniorm when you you pour soda, youve gotta hold the cup, and if you spill it, you need to wipe it up with a paper towel, then a damp towel because it will dry sticky, do it like this next time. If he still does it the other way, then take that priveledge away. Say"Ok you cant pout your own drinks anymore, wait for an adult, and do this with every single thing he doesnt do the way youve instructed him to. This is a tough road but a necessary one. or else he will turn out just like the other useless adults youve noticed. Kids need structure, the idea isnt that youre micromanaging their life, though it feels like exactly that, The idea is that you're laying the groundwork for a healthy lifestyle, they wont make wise choices on their own at a young age, so you force them to, Think carseats and immunizations, kids dont choose this, we force it because its good for them. So you get with your hubby and say. We need to make some changes for the better of the family, and bounce these ideas off of him, tell him you really want to parent this kid not just witness his downward spiral. Its hard work but I promise you will see it pay off in the future, it wont be in 2 weeks or a month necessarily but you will see a change in this kid. Good Luck and you can message me if you want any other ideas or parenting tips that I found have worked out for me.

What can I say...

Should have done a firmer job when he was younger. Really nothing else to it. Asking nicely? That's the problem. You need to TELL children, firmly, what needs to be done. Watch a couple episodes of Super Nanny. It may help?

You need to show him who is in charge! If this goes on then I feel really sorry for you if he reaches the age of 15 or more

You clearly dislike the child; no wonder he's being difficult.

"His mom is a flake and completely selfish."

Yeah, that's harsh, but kudos to you for making an honest self-assessment.

Give him some personal attention, maybe get him a psychologist not a psychiatrist, there is a difference, a psychiatrist will drug him to the gills and make him worse.