Do I have a cash bar at my wedding when everyone drinks EXCEPT the bride and grooms parents/grandparents?

Hey, it's your wedding, not your parents wedding. Have the bar and don't make it a cash bar. That would be rude to have your guests pay for something at your party. You wouldn't have them pay for stuff at a party at your house and a wedding should be no different. You want alcohol and your fiance wants alcohol, Um.. who is getting married again? There shouldn't be any drama from the parents and if there is put them in their places. Toughen up your backbone and make a stand. The parents can deal with the fact that you are paying for the alcohol. "We want this at our wedding, and we are paying for it" should be as far as that conversation goes.

I don't drink. FH is a social drinker. My mom & his parents are social drinkers.

However, considering the fact that likely many of my guests would like a drink or two, I'm having an open bar. When throwing a party for a couple hundred people, I like to consider what the majority of the people would like, not just us and our parents.

If you need to you can limit it to cocktail hour, close the bar during dinner. Just have beer & whine. You can also limit the number of drinks each guest can have, after that you can do a cash bar.

If you are having your reception at a place where you can bring in your own alcohol, buying a few bottles every week will help with the costs rather than buying everything at once.

Though, honestly I think cash bars are tacky. When asking someone to be your guest, you're not asking anything of them.

Good luck

I personally don't agree with cash bars for any sort of formal event. This is simply my opinion and a reflection of where I live and the events I attend. If you are looking at cutting costs and don't have that many drinkers it would be cheaper for you to be charged on consumption rather than simply doing an open bar for that additional amount per a person. This way you are only paying for the drinks that are actually drank not everything available. In addition, I think that you are sending mixed signals by actually having a champagne toast. If you are providing your guests with alochol for the toast you are not making it about the fact that the two of you don't drink. If you were to use sparkling cider or a clear carbonated beverage I think this would be different. You could always offer beer and wine for your guests and make them pay for hard liquor.

The most significant part of your question is that your parents and grandparents are paying for the wedding. This changes everything, because even if you offer to pay for any alcohol, if they are strongly against it, they are the hosts of the event, and unfortunately what they say goes. So people saying you can "do what you want" are incorrect. This only applies if you're paying for it.

If I were you, I'd come up with a compromise plan with my fiance and then present it together to the people involved. A cash bar is considered rude, unless you're in a part of the world where this is ok. But you could offer just beer and wine, or just wine during dinner - there's all sorts of options to consider.

I would either go with an open bar or no bar. And if you decide to go with no bar then I would have a Saturday or Sunday afternoon brunch or lunch reception. A Friday or Saturday evening reception sets expectations for an open bar (at least where I live). Unfortunately it is what most people will remember and tell every one about when asked how it was. Food, alcohol & dancing seem to be what people talk about most when recapping on the event. I also think people will leave your wedding early, perhaps an hour or 2 after dinner if there is no open bar.

Maybe you can all sit down and talk about this. Maybe they will agree to drinking in moderation as it is your celebration as well as theirs. Perhaps you could cover the bar, or they would agree to providing a bar that does not include shots, or just wine and beer and not spirits, and you can run it for a certain amount of time and then close it off before it gets too late. That should help to let people enjoy the reception, but not over-enjoy it and offend your families. If you need to have a dry wedding, perhaps you can get around it by hosting a party for your friends soon after the wedding to toast the marriage or something like that. Also, perhaps you could organize a place for the friends to move on to after the wedding (whether you can join them or not) and you and your fiance could pay a certain bar tab in advance, or something like that. Good luck.

you have to take into consideration the feelings of those who are paying for this wedding. if you have a bar, you and your fiance will have to pay for it....please do not do anything so tacky as to ask your guests to pay for their own drinks. cash bars are simply poor etiquette. so, if you can afford it and really do not feel it will offend your parents and grandparents, then do it....but if you feel they will be hurt or offended, then your guest can either tank up a bit before they come to the wedding or all go somewhere afterwards if they simply must.

there are many many weddings which take place all the time with no presense of alcohol. some people don't have it because of the high cost, some don't have it because someone in their family is and ex alcoholic and they are sensative to not putting temptation in their way, some don't have it for religious reasons....so there is nothing wrong with not serving alcohol at a wedding.

you can put bottles of sparkling cider or sparkling grape juice on every table to use for toasting if you decide to go totally alcohol free....you can go with just serving champagne, or you can have beer and wine choices but please do not set up a cash bar.

Have a bar! and I'm going to say make it a cash bar... as long as you are paying for things like juice,water,pop, wine. then it shouldn't matter. I'm having a cash bar because 90 % of my guests will drink until they are throwing up on the dance floor. maybe its just where I'm from but every wedding ( except one) has been a cash bar. I didn't find it rude. I figure if i want to get intoxicated i should be paying for that. if you win concert tickets do you expect to get free bear? no you don't. I don't see alcohol as a Must for a wedding, but alot of people like to have a drink or two so its nice to have that option. you can also do a Signature drink, that you pay for and the rest will be a cash bar! I don't see anything wrong with it like i said i have only been to one wedding where it was a host bar, and one person was so drunk before dinner even finished she was puking....real nice! i would rather not have that at my wedding! so I figure if they have to pay for it they are less likely to get that drunk. people take advantage of host bars. why not its free! But i do agree with everyone saying have a bar. It makes it fun!

This is YOUR wedding. The bar is up to you. There is no reason why you should have to have tons of alcohol available, and a cash bar (while I have no problems with it personally) isn't really wedding appropriate.

Discuss with your grandparents and parents the option of just having wine and beer available, only serving alcohol during the cocktail hour, or perhaps serving a dry bar with a signature cocktail of your choosing. This will help control the level of drinking that goes on at your wedding, as well as keeping just about everyone happy. You shouldn't have to worry about pleasing everyone - that's impossible. Having a limited bar is a good medium and shows courtesy to both sides of the drinking issue.

No...cash bars are rude. You are hosting the reception so your guests should not have to pay for anything.

There is nothing wrong with having a dry wedding or a wedding with a bar (be it full, just beer and wine or just signature drinks). There doesn't need to be family drama. If you decide to go with having a bar then your grandparents and parents are going to have to accept that some social functions involve alcohol. If you go with a dry wedding then anybody mad at that will have to accept that some social functions don't involve alcohol.

Personally? I would go with the bar since you, your fiance and your friends drink socially and (I assume) responsibly.