Is my husband oblivious or just doesn't care?

Question

Here is the background: I have been married for over seven years with two children.  Before I had children, I worked and was very active in film and just life in general.  When I found out I was pregnant (I had very difficult pregnancies), I quit my job and then became a full time mom.  After my babies were born, I had no support from grandparents nor a nanny to help me. The idea of hired help offended him. So I became supermomma-meaning I became a full time caregiver, housekeeper, chef, nurse/doctor, host during holidays to my not so welcome in-laws, and handy woman around the house.  Now I am getting ready to go back to work (which in my field is not really easy to do) and would like to have my daughters (one is 5 whose birthday was 1 day off the cut off date for kindergarden and the other is 4) in preschool.

Here's the problem:  For over a year and a half, I have talked with my husband that I would like the girls to be more active and be in preschool.  Not only would they be making friends, learning, and be more active, but for once, I would get some help as mom for the first time!  GO SELL YOUR CAR was my husband's response to me.  Mind you we have some money, and I do not drive a fancy luxury car.  He controls all the funds but only gives me an "allowence for family groceries and misc. needs." 
He later gave me an apology but never made any attempts for the girls' schooling.  I forgived him but could never forget.   Month after month, I politetly and calmy attempt to bring up the importance of our daughters being in school.  He simply says okay but THAT IS IT!  All talk not action and refuses to sign papers for preschool.  Now to top things off, we do not not have health insurance, and he refuses to have our kids covered due to the reason he "never had insurance growing up."  Here's the probelm though, my girls have asthma and paying cash to see physicians is not cheap.    

My spouse can fork up cash (I mean hundreds to thousands) for his company (he runs his own company) but not a dime for the kids.  I NEVER ask anything for myself.  My children, however,
ALWAYS come first.  

Is he oblivious or does he just not give a dam*?  Has anyone been through this experience before?
Am I alone?   Help me out people!  What the hell am I suppose to do?

Wisen Smart · Accepted Answer

You must have your reasons to put up with this control freak.   The world I come from I make the suggestions, the decisions and the actions when it comes to the well being of my children as far as health insurance and the healthy decision to put them in a good pre school.   He does not only have you hanging by a string but is doing it to his girls also and they could turn out to be not very happy.   If that is putting your children first ALWAYS, I must not be understanding your question.

Brooke · Answer

Honestly? It sounds like he is oblivious and also doesn't care. He is oblivious to his child's needs and the importance of what you say, and he doesn't care because he isn't doing anything to change that attitude. He seems to think in terms of what he had when he was growing up (or didn't have - ie. health insurance) and that it is not important for his children to have. Which, as they have asthma, it is definitely important. You need to take charge of this situation and do these things without his consent. He doesn't seem to care or put his children first, and someone has to. Also keep focusing on getting the things you want for yourself out of this life. You only get one to live, don't waste it away with a uncaring husband. I'm not saying divorce him, of course. I'm just saying you talk to him once more, tell him that you wish you two could compromise and meet in the middle on parenting issues and if he still doesn't listen, tell him you feel you have to take matters into your own hands. Do all you can to ensure your children are protected and are in preschool. Hopefully, he'll come around and change his attitude.

kanosh · Answer

Most of the time it is both for the reason that they consider that they've him, and he may not pass wherever or for the reason that she is aware of that at each time she will be able to rake him via the fireplace in court docket for the reason that the court docket procedure is slanted closer to ladies! Either method is fallacious, however two different elements to don't forget are those; that ladies overlook what attracted him within the first location and begin to allow themselves pass, or that she doen't "participate in" the best way she did within the commencing! There are plenty of guys available in the market who do love their other halves/gf's however consider trapped within the courting for the reason that guys, as boys, have been continually taught to not harm a ladies emotions. So they suck it up and do the high-quality they may be able to within the courting. The factor that the majority ladies do not discover approximately guys is that guys are particularly functional beings. Look well, flip it up in mattress, do your wifely tasks, and do not be top protection, and also you will have to be equipped to preserve so much guys completely happy! Most ladies do not, and that is wherein the concerns begin. I'm now not announcing guys don't want paintings, simply answering your query from the standpoint that you just requested it from.

Lizzi · Answer

He sounds dangerous. I feel like you're scared to ask him anything. You need to assert yourself. You've been working a 24 hour/ seven days a week job for the past 5 years. You deserve a break. Get the papers for school, get the papers for insurance. If he refuses to sign them, you need to give him an ultimatum: provide and care for the family or get the f*** out. 
If you really do love your husband and you think this could work out, get marriage counseling. 
This really worries me because he really sounds dangerous and I'm wondering if you're keeping some details out.

Anonymous · Answer

Girl try and put the kids first ...I guess you also need to take on the role of the father because you husband seems to be a selfish oblivious fool ... 

Be strong and keep your head up !!!

Being a single mom has its challenges  but it is worth giving up a Emotionally Abusive realtionship ,for the well being of you kids and peace of mind ...

enough is enough !!!

Anonymous · Answer

You may not have noticed as a stay at home mom, but there has been a recession the last few years globally. It may very well be that your husband cares, but with his company providing the entire income for all expenses, the money may just not be there to do it.

SherryF · Answer

I had the same thing with my X.He made more than enough to support us but he always wanted me to work. I didn't mind because we got to have nice things and more of them. He controlled most of the money and when it came to the kids they really got none. None for school or band or teams or Dr.'s. It was in possible. I do understand. You are his equal and his money is your money. I would demand it. Somehow you need to get control as much as he does. I don't think he is oblivious. I think he chooses not to give you money for them.

azgoddess · Answer

Well, when you go back to work - who will watch your kids?

Get your job - save some pennies and get them in preschool - you pay for it from your money

You both need some marriage counseling - ask him to go and if he doesn't then you need to - problems like these need to be worked out before you file for divorce

Sugar Cane · Answer

sounds like he doesnt really care//sorry to tell u that..

Anonymous · Answer

too long..........

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Is my husband oblivious or just doesn't care?

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