should i trust my inlaws?

Question

have 3 small children. my husband and i are getting a divorce.. him and his family live in memphis,tn i live in fargo,nd. his family has been pushing me to drop the girls off there and let them stay for two weeks. the problem is that the girls haven't seen them in over two years, i think it might be traumatic to just drop them off with them and leave. the second problem(and the most worrysome) my family doesn't think i should do it because they think that my exs family is going to try to kidnap them and run off with the girls) now, i don't think they would do that, and my family has been kind of paranoid delusional in the past, then again his family has been unstable/ unpredictable in the past. so i don't think they would but there is that "what if". when i tell her i want to come with them(the girls) for the duration of the trip my mother in law says, "i'm(as in my mother in law) not going to get to see them for the rest of my life..." i can't get off enough vacation time, for a full 2 week stay, and i don't want to quit my job, but i don't want to drop them off with them.(even though a 2 week break would be really nice.) what do you think i should do?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I agree with you.  I think it's enough that since that they are small children and that they haven't seen them for 2 years, it would be a traumatic event for them if your not around.  Not sure why your ex-family would want to take sure a dramatic step.  I would just tell your in laws that your not comfortable doing for your sake and the girls sake.  I won't even stay in their house, with or without you.  I would go to a hotel nearby with the girls and let the family see the kids during the day, with you attending the activities.  If your mother in law starts in, say playfully, "Well! I miss you guys too and want to visit!!"

sick of it · Answer

Just tell your in laws that now is not a good time... Maybe in the future... If you have even the slightest doubt that they might kidnap your children, do not send them. That will be far more traumatic. The bottom line is two weeks is a long time (too long) to leave 3 small children over a days drive away with family that the haven't seen in two years.  Just think about it. It's not smart. They are speaking from their vantage point and they probably do miss the kids, so they are thinking emotionally, not rationally. It's your job as their mother to think rationally about what is best for them, and you. Just tell them now is not a good time- down the road, maybe work out a more doable situation.

Bianca Blue · Answer

Trust your instinct. In that situation I wouldn't let my children go either. It's not stable and your parental instincts are kicking in, but you don't want to be insensitive or paranoid. Try a common ground/ meeting place/ meet half way or offer for them to stay in your town and watch them while you're at work. Let them know you'll make an effort for them to spend time with the kids, but do it on your own time and good instincts

Valerie · Answer

TRUST UR GUT. Mothers know best. You shouldnt leave ur kids with anyone! not even ur inlaws,,, especially the fact that u have 3 girls. (girls always run more risk) If ur mother in law or ur ex husbands family REALLY want to see ur kids, then they will make the effort and come see them. 
Y should u inconvenience yourself and the girls,, (its harder for u to travel). they should be more understanding and realize that what they are asking for is too much.

threenorns · Answer

ALWAYS follow your gut.

if you're not comfortable, then don't do it - simple as that.

how about staying in the same town, perhaps at a friend's or just shell out for a hotel/motel and, after a suitable get-acquainted period, dropping the girls off in the morning and coming back in the afternoon to pick them up?

bergevin · Answer

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should i trust my inlaws?

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