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Some motivation please?
I am 28 and have never been married, I'm unemployed and living back at parents after getting fired. But, up until I got fired, I had a pretty good job, lived on my own since I was out of high school, went to college. I still want to go to med school I've done triathlons and am fairly athletic. I'm not perfect, but people who have known me for a long time really respect me. I always thought I'd have kids by now.
I was fired from my job for an "aggressive confrontation". The women I worked with had ganged up against me after I had a relationship with a higher up (not my boss but in my dept), and he dumped me for a girl closer to his age (35). The girls (and my boss) did everything they could to try to get me to quit my job but I hoped it would just blow over. I liked my job. Finally, I got upset when one of the girls (a new temp who had joined their group and wanted my job) wouldn't listen to me or help me, as usual, so I told her "Can you please just HELP me?!" in a raised voice, and someone in the hallway overheard me. (Also had some tardies and other complaints made about me in preceding 6 months by same girls. When I explained to my boss my co-worker's behavior, she stated that she did not think it was only my fault. But when I asked why I was the only one who was punished, she said because they thought that I had been the one that initiated it).
To make matters worse, I then dated a Muslim doctor who after 6 months, I found out he had a wife and kids in another state and he lied to me about his age. It was about the time I found out about that - that they were trying to get me to quit at work, and I just couldn't fight anymore. All of my grandparents had died in the previous couple years, too, and I am the only child near my parents, so I was being supportive of them, too. I kind of just gave up, and now I've been unemployed for over 6 months. Honestly, I haven't really tried to get a job in all that time. I have to go to re-employment services appointments, and I dread it every month. I was about to go to counseling, but I changed my mind because I started feeling better. I have a fighting personality, but this is really not me right now. I am pretty, smart, athletic. I have pretty good self confidence. I had exceptional grades in college with pre-med / biology degree and worked to support myself, had lots of friends, boyfriends. I keep thinking things will get better, but I can't seem to find any motivation anymore, and I am really feeling at a loss here.
2 Answers
- ☯≈♥∞☼Lv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
it seems like your need to be in a relationship is creating problems in your life. it sounds like you have created the life that society says will bring happiness. smart, athletic, attractive, motivated.....yes you for sure have all the qualifications that one is conditioned to believe will bring happiness. i think you need to start doing some real deep digging and find out why you are still not happy. i a speaking to you because i have been in this same predicament. i am too 28...i have spent the last 12 years conditioning my physical body to transform it into what i was taught to believe is a desirable appearance. i accumulated the undergrad degree followed by the MBA....i got the good job....still happiness alluded me for years. after i got out of college i got all the nice things...the flat screen and the all nice toys...i got my own place and all that. and when i was in a relationship i would think "wow i have done it...i have made myself happy". and yet if any one of those things were to be taken from my i would inevitably suffer. i have been single now for 3 years and at first when out of my last relationship i would stay up late and night and wonder "why am i not happy"...i had all the stuff...i had the knowledge from schools, i have the proper physical appearance. and in my inner searching it was made apparent to me that i had never truly loved myself.
do you love yourself? do you love yourself unconditionally?
have you ever thought that the meaningful relationship you seek in others is really a reflection of the need to have a meaningful relationship within yourself?
please think about what it means to love unconditionally. this literally means that you love yourself with no matter what. it seems to me, from and outsider perspective, that you have placed many conditions on yourself that must be met in order to have self love. you need to be smart, good looking, athletic, employed, and in a relationship in order for you to love yourself. and if any of these conditions were to disappear your level of self love would disappear with it. i totally understand this. so what this reveals to me is that your happiness is conditionally attached to all of those things.
what this further reveals to me is that you do not unconditionally love yourself. so if you do not unconditionally love yourself then you truly can never be in an unconditionally loving relationship. and the paradox about this is that once you truly truly love yourself unconditionally you will find that your desire to be in a relationship disappears because it is no longer something you need to be happy. and furthermore with true self love you find that nothing matters anymore...your job doesnt matter, relationships dont matter, money does not matter. my advice to you...from one unemployed, smart, athletic, 28 year old to another is to let go of all of the conditions that you have been trained to think you need to meet in order to be happy. and even further i hope that you learn to view happiness as little more then an emotion as opposed to a state of being. you can feel happiness and sadness but that does not make you a happy or sad person. the entire spectrum of emotions is little more then conditioned responses to an array of experiences that we have attached to some memory and then termed "good' or "bad" and on the most fundamental level these terms only serve to create drama inside our minds that take us further and further from reality. Reality on the most fundamental level is unconditional love symbolized by light. So step into the light of unconditional love. Let go of all the baggage and conditions and conditioning.
we enter this world as a caterpillar and hopefully through light and unconditional love we can leave this world a butterfly. and struggle is often the only way that we can make this transformation. take this time of struggle and use it as a time of transformation.
"One day as a small opening appeared on a cocoon, a man sat for several hours watching the butterfly struggle to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened.
In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening was nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings. Then the butterfly would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were allowed to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could be. We could never fly. "
- capurroLv 45 years ago
I feel that many people (myself integrated) search motivation from external assets akin to track, mid changing materials, or different persons. These matters and different external assets make one elegant on others and different matters with a purpose to transfer round in lifestyles, which isn't any well individually. I feel the learn, real motivation comes from the self that's beneath the entire ideas and feeling we enjoy which honestly avoid us and many times sap our motivation. When you feel approximately a time that you simply needed to do whatever you did not notably wish to do and felt you did not have the bodily vigor till you listened to a exact music and out of the blue you located the vigour to achieve the assignment you notice that a great deal of our perceived weak spot is within the brain. If external matters can encourage us then external matters too can gradual us down. I feel that the article to paintings on is motivation from inside, and might be no longer such a lot motivation as consciousness- that brain can triumph over so much of what we understand to be retaining us again within the type of tiredness or lethargy, and even melancholy.