Open adoption: natural mother disappeared?

It might be hard to live with the decision she made and she might need some time for herself to reflect on the decision she made. It's not you or the baby but personal issues she has. Just keep the lines of communication open. She lost a child, she is mourning though she might want you not to know. I am glad you are keeping the adoption open. Remember adoption is tough on all that are involved and everybody needs their space from time to time.

Keep up contact as there could be any number of reasons why she hasn't responded. It could be because of problems family, life in general?) she's having or just going through a hard time emotionally over adoption.

My son's adoption was closed so can't comment on open adoption on a personal level. I did go through some very dark periods of time when I didn't want to be near anybody or have any contact with people. Nobody knew why I was behaving the way I was and put it down to me being moody. I couldn't talk about my real feelings so coped the only way I could which was to retreat into myself.

Our daughter is now 11 and there have been stretches of time when her natural mother has been very quiet. Like you, we have a fully open adoption and over the years I've learned that when things aren't going well, she keeps to herself.

So we lay low and wait.

The older your child gets the harder it becomes when a birthday is missed or an e-mail not answered. I've found that honesty helps when my daughter doesn't understand. "Honey, I'm not sure why she didn't call, perhaps she's having a rough time right now and it's not a good time to talk. I know we'll hear from her when she's ready."

Our daughter's natural mother is a Facebook friend and I post pictures and write blurbs because I know Mom's watching, even when she's quiet.

I agree that it's important for you to be consist ant and keep on doing what you have agreed to do. It's not unusual for mothers to "go dark" for a while even in an open adoption. I think that's because it takes time for the reality of the fact that they will not be raising their child ever, to really sink in. Usually there is depression and a period of needing to feel centered again.

2 months really isn't that long in the scheme of things. If the silence is longer than 6 months or so, if it was me, I would get in touch with a family member or someone else that knows her just to make sure she's ok.

I would continue to keep your end of what was agreed to. It's likely she's in a really bad place emotionally right now so she's unable to reply, and it would be a shame to lose contact with her forever just because of a temporary dark period in her life. I would not stop the contact I promised to the mother unless she specifically asked you not to get in touch with her.

Even if getting pictures and letters is hard (no doubt it is,) I think it would be a lot harder to suddenly NOT be included at all in the life of the child.

That's tough :( I think you're doing the right thing by sending pictures though. If she doesn't want them she'll tell you, send them back, or just not open them.

I'd wait at least a year of silence before attempting to contact other family though.

She might just simply be going through a hard time. I would continue to send the pictures/letters and she might come around again...

If you are really concerned, I'm sure calling her family wouldn't be too terrible.

If she doesn't want to continue contact,then that's her problem(and right).I would stop sending stuff till she resumes contact.

I would just continue right on sending everything, including concerned emails, just as you have been. No change on your part. Reason being, if she is receiving them, but having trouble responding for whatever reason (crisis, depression, etc.) it will hopefully send the message that whenever she's ready, you are still there, and that she is still welcome to be involved, assuming that is the case.

You could simply send a letter stating that you aren't sure if she's still interested in receiving photos and letters, and ask her to let you know if she still wants them. Make sure she has more than one way to contact you, just to be sure, and most importantly, don't pry into whatever may be the problem. If you mean it, you can offer to help her out if she needs you, but I'd let it go at that.