My husband has recently got custody of his ten year old son.?

If the child is having trouble adapting, a few nights is ok. (even once in a while is ok, but for certain reasons. Nightmares, storms, etc) But then let the husband move him to his own room. If he's having trouble adapting to his own room, leaving a n ight light on, or a radio mayhelp. Having your husband spend some time with him at night reading, or talking will also help him adapt to his new room.

If he needs it, consider suggesting to your husband that he should stay with the child until he falls asleep in his own bed. This will allow him to wake up (alone) in h is own room and help give him the feeling of independance.

And yes, you are right to assume that this (sleeping with a woman who is not his mother) can/may cause problems for the child later on. Regardless, what we want as parents is for our children to be independant and not rely on us. Getting him into his own space is important for him to achieve this.

A ten year old should not be sleeping in their parents' bed, and as you said, especially since you're not really his mom. However, since your husband just got custody of the boy, he may need extra attention from your husband. Explain to him that you understand this, but after the boy adjusts and things are going along okay, you and your 6 month old need him to spend more time with you. You should set aside certain days for things. Such as he gets to do whatever with the boy 2-3 days a week, but has to be home 2-3 days a week. The entire family goes out together to eat, park, zoo, etc once a week.

Good luck!

Even if he was you own son, 10 is too old to sleep with you and hubby. At 10, he is going to start getting involved in after school activities and needs a grownup to take him and be there. Offer to take him instead of hubby occasionally and that will leave hubby time with the 6 month old. It will also give you time to bond with your new "son". As for not having enough time for you, go back to date night and get a sitter.

It is a hard time for the 10 year old. He has to now find his place in a new family. And, if new "mom" is not happy, he will be all the more insecure and you will have a lot more problems.

I think ten is way too old to be sleeping in your bed! Sometimes I let my three year old sleep with us but even that is not a common thing. If it is something to do with him being lonely or needing comfort and help adjusting maybe you could make a pallet on the floor but make it on the other side of the room. Do that for a night or two and them maybe help him pick out cool new bed stuff and maybe some glowing stars to hang from the ceiling in his room. Or if worse comes to worse tell your husband that either he sleeps with his son in his room or he sleeps with you in your room and he can choose.

Parenting demands step up a whole bunch of notches when a child reaches about the age of 10 - because activities start. Our life is consumed with our kids activities - and people with babies and older children both have to drag around extra "luggage." lol! Let dad be the good dad that he is being to both his kids. Now you know that when your 6 month old reaches about 10, dad will be there for him/her as well. You will have to bring baby to his big brother's games so dad can spend time with both his kids - don't force him to choose because then he would have to "neglect" one or the other. The 10 year old's activities are going to come before quiet evenings at home - that is the way it is.

I think it is fine to not sleep in the same bed with him - but quietly letting him wind down before he goes off to his own bed is fine - and him crawling in bed with you in the morning to cuddle is fine too. Our 9 year old does - and it is sweet.

No, you are not. Ten year old boys should not be sleeping with their parents and especially not with an adult female in the bed with whom they are not related, as you are not with this boy. More concerning is the fact that your husband is spending all his time with his son and not any time with either you or the baby you two have made. Either your husband is a selfish sod with tunnel vision or he is avoiding you for some reason. You two need marriage counseling or I think you will be divorced with in two years.

Nope. A 10 yo should be sleeping in his own bed. Did your hubby not see his sone for a while or anything or had he had custody during the week and some weekends and that turned into all ofthe time when the mom didn't get him on her weekends (this is how it sounds)? Anyway, it is normal for him to want to spend time with his 10yo, but you need to make sure you are paying attention to him as well and not focusing on the 6mo. I have a step son and I see his mom and her parents (she lived with her parents for a while when he was very yound 1-3ish) and they all coddle him. Sometimes I feel like our two children don't see the same treatment from them as he does, but that is life. It might not be fair, but you just have to make sure all of the kids get love. The 6mo isn't as active and capable of doing things as the 10yo and though the 6mo needs to be learning things and get attention to do so, maybe he feels like you have that one to play with and he has his.

You should be direct and explain your concerns to him about the other child an his spending time with the 10yo and none with the 6mo, but first evaluate it and see if that is really the case or if you are blowing things out of proportion because of the sleeping in the bed thing.

As for the sleeping, flat out tell him that 10 is too old to be sleeping in bed with you guys and he needs to be in his own bed. Do NOT turn it into a 'he is not my son' kind of thing, because especially if he doesn't see his mom, you are like a mom to him, whether he shows it or not. Maybe talk to the kid about it alone and see if he likes sleeping in his parents bed or of his friends do it. If he doesn't want to then dad will stop. Also is it hanging out and getting tired and falling asleep or ok its bedtime and he goes to your bed to sleep? ?Becuase there is a difference.

My concern here is for the boy, because 11 months ago, when your then boyfriend was trying to get custody, you said you resented that. You should have discussed it with him then.

I worry that you do not like his child, and the way you speak about the boy suggests that you resent his presence.

Get family counseling. Because this won't last.

As for the sleeping arrangements. I was that age when my mother divorced my first stepfather, and I slept in her bed after that. Co-sleeping is really good for a child's self esteem, and it makes them feel accepted. Little wonder that you don't want him there. But after life with a neglectful parent, it's probably very important to him.

i dont like all these people saying you need to deal with it, you knew he had a son, his son came before your son, blah blah blah...thats crap! it not your fault that kids real mom is obviously a p.o.s.! im sure your hubby likes to spend time with the older boy and his sports, but he should include you and the baby...even if its to a game or a practice. i would feel pushed aside too and i wouldnt put up with it. im not saying make your hubby choose but def need to set some boundaries! especialy sleeping in your bed. he isnt your son...darn right!!! and he is ten years old which is even more reason for him not to be sleeping in your bed! so no i dont think you are out of line for telling him to go to his room. just being honest, i dont think i could be a step-parent. well i think i could but people would prolly say i am mean or a bad one lol. i wouldnt let him sleep in my bed period. i could go on and on about step-parent stuff and another womans kid cuz my family is in a weird situation like that. but all i know is its not your son, so your hubby shouldnt force the kid on you...especially into your bed!!!

i think the sleeping in your bed is in appropriate, but everything sound like your just being jealous and selfish. that is his child and maybe he feels like they missed out and wants to bond with him. for you to say he's not even my son, is rude. why cant you and the 6 month old go to the games/pratices and support your step son? you're jealous because its no longer all about you. just embrace this boy, it sounds like he been through a lot with his mom not coming to get him and all. you habe an older son, embrace him. have him help with the 6 month old, give him chores, bond with him just you and him. as long as he's not a bad kid, it should be okay. but i can tell you now, if you keep it up, who do you think your husband will choose: you or his son who's abondened by his mother.