Where is the line here?

Question

My soon to be sister in law has asked me to plan her and my brother's wedding. He is at Army boot camp and unable to talk or have any input so she and I are left to our own devices. We decided i would make a list to help guide her through the process. She told me the colors she liked, the theme, and I came up with an idea. It's at christmas time and I suggested red and chocolate brown as she wants a rustic theme. Hay bales and burlap the whole nine yards. However, today, she decided she wanted black and red and wants to keep with the rustic theme. This is all well and good. It's her wedding. She can shoose what she wants. The thing is, the ideas her friends have goven her are absolutely terrible. It's things and color combinations i've seen done before and it just does not work. 
      SHe decided to go with black because her sister thinks she looks "washed out" in brown. If I know that this is NOT going to make her happy, do I say something? Or let it go and have it turn out less than good. I wouldn't even be asking if I knew this wasn't going to work, trust me. I want her to love her wedding but I really think she'll be dissappointed with red and black at a wedding with hay bales.I KNOW she will. What do i do? sit back and let it go, or try to convince her otherwise?

I also know that my brother hates the color black and since he is unable to give his input, I kind of feel like I should take up for him too, it's his wedding also!

iloveweddings · Accepted Answer

Black and red are not what I think of as "rustic."  Once you bring black into things...it's a bit more formal than hay bales and burlap.

To be honest, I don't like brown and red together either.  I DO like the brown....it's the "rustic" color I think of when I think rustic/country.  But I don't know about red.  If you are using red simply for the "Christmas" aspect of things...I wouldn't.  I would go with brown/ivory and possibly green.  Then bring in some brighter colors (if you want) with flowers.  

I think you need to choose between a "rustic/country" theme (brown and another 1 or 2 colors), OR the Christmas theme with red and another few colors.  I wouldn't try to mix the Christmas the the rustic theme.

Just my opinion.

Messykatt · Answer

No, red and black is an art deco vibe, not rustic.  

But way back on your first sentence when she asked you to plan the wedding?  Was this clearly defined, or are you sort of the go-to girl who bounces around at her whim?  The thing is, plenty of people plan weddings without their SO.  I did, for the most part.  He was moving his practice and finishing his residency and I barely saw him. And there are certainly cases like hers, where's he's overseas for some reason.

Anyway, the point here is you will drive yourself nuts with this current arrangement and it will only get worse as the time gets closer.  If there's any way you can tell her there's too many "cooks in the kitchen" and you're backing off.  If you can't, then you need to sit down with her and figure out what exactly she wants from you.  Obviously, she wanted you to help with the theme, and equally obviously she's capable of tossing it out the window.  This won't work long term.

EDIT:  First, I would have said no.  This is not a normal request.  More to the point, you are NOT putting her wedding together if her sister can step in and override what you're doing.  You're an indentured servant doing the grunt work.

You keep saying you're lost and confused.  Anyone would be.  But if you are determined do this, you have to talk to her and tell her that if you're planning the wedding she needs to let you do it.  If she values her sister's opinion more, then her sister should be helping.  Or do it herself.

LaVada A · Answer

Just say something and let her know that it is her wedding and who cares who feel like they are washed up or not it is  not there day and if they don't like it they can not be in it.  And let her know that your brother her hubby to be don't like black.  Take her to a fabric store and show her how it won't work.  Good luck and if it starts to head for the bad just step back because her sister seems like she is a piece of work.

Lady Susan · Answer

Red and Black are NOT rustic colors......brown is a much better choice.
Have her sister wear a red dress instead of a brown dress...."washed out" problem solved!

Anonymous · Answer

No reason you can't share your opinion, but all final decisions rest with the bride. If the bride is too easily influenced by others, and she later has regrets for her choices, then that's an important lesson learned. You can speak up for your brother, but you can't prevent the bride from making her own mistakes.

NinaPina · Answer

Speak up! She obviously trusts your opinion. She asked you to help her plan her wedding, silly.

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Where is the line here?

6 Answers