How to stop complaining so much to DF?

Question

I'm having some trouble in my pregnancy at the moment. I'm 37 weeks with sciatica and SPD, a large baby whose movements feel ridiculously painful sometimes and to top it all off I have a stinking cold that is kicking my butt. My DF helps around the house, helps with the child care and understands that I'm in pain but keeps reiterating the fact that he can't do anything about it. I get that he can't do anything about it but he's the only person in my life apart from DD who's two who I can complain to and share things with. When I can't sleep he tells me to try to sleep, turns over and goes to sleep himself when all I need is some reassurance and a cuddle. He thinks I complain too much but if I don't complain or speak about my feelings I feel like I'm going to cry/smack something. I'm so fed up of this pregnancy and illness it's frustrating but I know I have another three weeks to go and I don't want to be burdening my DF with all of this when I know he does his best for me and I'm being unreasonable.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with pain and frustration when you can't complain to your other half? Do you keep it inside and just find a way to deal with it and push on or do you talk about it with other mum's online? My friends are all child free/going through rough patches themselves so I feel like I can't burden them with my trivial aches and pains.

I know I'm being hormonal and generally annoying but I just can't seem to stop :/.

Terri J · Accepted Answer

This is a classic demonstration of a basic difference between men and women. Women feel the need to discuss EVERYTHING. Just the act of hashing it over brings some relief. Men don't get that. They're geared toward fixing problems. If they can't fix the problem at hand, especially if it's effecting the people they love, it makes them feel incompetent. It's uncomfortable for them. That's why he's responding like he is. 

Try telling him specifically what you'd like him to do: "Honey, I feel kinda lousy, and a nice cuddle would really help," or "I can't sleep, could you talk to me for a short while." If he refuses to respond to direct requests, then you need to see a counselor. But my guess is, he'll be glad to do anything that will truly help you. Be sure and give him a hug and thank him.

Anonymous · Answer

Those girls want to believe that the only reason you could fit into a size 0 is because you are anorexic. That gives them an excuse for being over weight. Most people look for an excuse that gets them out of being responsible for anything. You take care of yourself and keep yourself fit. Do not worry about anyone else's opinion. In the end your life is yours and they have nothing to do with you. Take care, Troy

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How to stop complaining so much to DF?

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