I need some opinions please...?

Hi Ferbs, Its a tough one, but I think that I would be asking her to take the photo for you, not of him with her and the daughter, but on his own. I dont think that its necessary to reinforce the whole "family photo" side of things, he has after all, put himself in a position where he cant honestly claim his place as part of the family.

I think that it may be important down the track for you to have an updated photo of him for your son........there is no need to romanticise him, but that doesnt mean that your son isnt going to want to know what he looks like, particularly if his sister talks about him.......Whether his first mum agrees or not, genetically the man is part of his history, he shouldnt be blocked from accessing that history when he needs to and it may be a long time, or never, before you are able to get another photo of his first father. Updated photos may be the only way your son has to visualise who his first father is, at least until he is an adult.

I suspect that at some stage, your son is going to be asking questions about why his sister spent time with his first father while he has been kept away from him.......its time to start thinking about age appropriate ways of explaining the offences that the man committed and why they were wrong. At some stage he is going to want the truth and its going to be better if he has that from you rather than by asking his sister, at least then you will be able to word it in more appropriate terms.

Hi, If the mother and daughter are staying away from the father, I wouldn't ask the bio mom to endanger herself or her children just to get current pictures. You state you already have pictures, they should be enough. I wouldn't say this except you mention the father has sexually abused a daughter already. The statistics on child molesters are not promising, most are repeat offenders. I would want to protect the family.

I would get a pic of the dad by himself. The very act of sexually abusing a child and the wishes of the bio parent likely in my mind weigh in more than enough that it wouldn't be good to portray him as the "family man" in a family pic. Just my opinion.

she may have a current picture of him. I don't think it would do any harm to ask. She might could get one without having contact with him directly from say his family.

I have pictures of my kids bio parents. I took pictures of them at the hospital and they promised to send some more later and one or two from their child hood which never happen. I have had not contact with the bio father since the hospital.

But I don't think it would hurt anything to ask. Worse thing that can happen is she will say no.

110% what mini said. Picture of him alone. Your son deserves to see where he comes from. From your post, It seems he is not a very good person, and the "family" photo wouldn't be accurate picture for him. I don't think it is right to paint the image of a happy loving family for him, when that is not the case, it is his history and it might just help in the future understanding why some decisions where made. I am in a somewhat similiar position. Birth dad is in prison for life. I do have a single pic of him for when my son's curiosities start to peek. I am pretty nervous for when that day comes, because it truly is a heartbreaking story. Best to be honest in age appropriate language. I wish you the best.

Your not asking for you, your asking for your (includes both of you) son. The little guy would probably enjoy seeing his bio family together like that.

Sounds tough. I would say just ask, but do it nonchalantly as to not obligate her to give the pictures.

Ya sure make the dad look like a bad guy because that's what adoptive parents do to make themselves look better. Make sure to tell the whole world that your kid's dad is a molester 2 so he can grow up thinking he's screwed up in the head like his evil dad. You sound exactly like my adoptive mom who tried to make herself look like a hero until I couldn't take it anymore and left for good. Always judging and saying what is logical to make like she saved me from a bad life. When I found my first parents and they were nothing like my adoptive parents told me they were and it was my adoptive parents who were the sickos. I don't talk to them anymore and I'm finished with them and their lies. Be ready to get a kick back in the teeth someday 2.