When the mother of the bride and mother of the groom accidentally buy the same dress for the wedding,?

The mother of the bride gets to choose her dress first. However, then it's up to her to let the mother of the groom know what she is wearing so the dresses coordinate.

If the mother of the groom just bought a dress without waiting, she takes hers back.

However, if the mother of the bride is a total stinker and refuses to tell the mother of the groom what she is wearing for any reason, then the groom's mother shouldn't have to be the one to return the dress in my humble opinion.

I would say that you both should give it up, that way there isn't someone resenting the other. But that most likely wont happen. The only reason why he defended his future MIL is because if he didn't he would have had a good talking to from his fiance, I bet he will be a firm believer in " Happy wife,Happy life"

Or another thing you guys could do is find it as a way for you guys to bond, meet up with the brides mom and you guys go out to lunch and then go back to the dress shop and you both can find different dresses.

Sorry, but this is created drama. For one thing, who is paying for the wedding? If your son's inlaws are paying or contributing a lot, he's probably learning the lesson that the person paying gets a lot of say in what happens, usually more than the bride and groom want. Also, the use of the word "defended" struck me wrong. You're sounding like this is the Capulets vs the Montagues. All over a dress!

If you're absolutely positive your son is correct (lots of dresses look alike) then just exchange it. You say you don't want to create more drama, but that's exactly what you're doing. I get that it's a huge day for you, but there's more than one dress out there.

Another option is call the MIL and work it out. You know, like two adults.

Protocol is that the mother of the groom backs down on this one. In the "olden days" (like when I was young) it was the mother of the bride who was the hostess for the wedding and planned everything and basically the role of the mother of the groom was to wear beige and keep her mouth shut. Things have, thankfully, moved on, and both families and the bride and groom are involved in all aspects of the wedding planning. But when it comes down to who has precedence over what to wear, it is the mother of the bride. She should liaise with the mother of the groom about what she is wearing and the mother of the groom should ensure what she wears co-ordinates but does not outshine the mother of the bride.

This is a true story: Like you, the mother of the groom and the mother of the bride bought the exact same dress. Neither of them wanted to back down. The grooms mother bought hers first but the brides mother thought she superseded the mother of the groom because she was the brides mother. Neither agreed and it became heated.

Finally, to keep the peace (snicker), the mother of the groom promised not to wear her dress to the wedding and said she would go and find another dress. At the rehearsal dinner, the mother of the groom showed up in the dress she had previously purchased for the wedding. The mother of the brides jaw dropped open. She did keep her promise and wore another dress to the wedding. My question is: How brave are you to try this?? Actually, I would do it in a heartbeat!! YOU bought the dress first, so you should get to wear it first.

So, what should you really do? That is up to you. Can you easily return the dress (if the rehearsal is out of the question) for a refund and purchase another dress? It is sad that your son is defending his brides mother, but you need to understand that he has to live with the bride and hear the crap from her. He is trying to keep the peace, I think. I also think that the mother of the bride gets to select her dress first, but if that is written anywhere in stone, I do not know.

Like I said, I would wear it to the rehearsa dinnerl, no doubt about it.

Before you do anything, let's think about the source of your information........you son said the dresses were the same. Do you know for absolute certainty that they actually are the same dress?

Call the brides mother and find out for sure. Men tend to make mistakes when it comes to fashion. Maybe they are just the same color? I would find out first before you wear it to the rehearsal dinner.

Another thing to consider - men are not always completely accurate when it comes to fashion. I would perhaps have a word to the mother of the bride just to be sure it is the same dress, before making a decision. Personally, I would probably be the one to back down and exchange the dress. Someone's going to have to give.

This was a similar situation I was in with my mom and my mother in law (mother of the groom). I went with my mom to purchase a dress, we though it was nice but very conservative. I then went with his mom to pick out a dress but it was very form fitting, bringing out her figure. It made her look younger and sexier without it being over the top. I knew that my mom would be upset if she looked like the old lady while his mom was looking good in her form fitting dress. Especially since his mom is older than my mom by 8 years. So I told my mom and we went back to get a new dress for her. She did not get the same dress but she also looks like a hot mama too now. Both are very happy. I say get another dress that compliments you. Just be the bigger woman, if you make a big deal about it then it just looks like you two are competing.

Get over it, its very likely you are both over 50.

Why do some adults choose NOT to act like adults and start drama like 12 year old girls? Seriously, its propably better for you two to wear the same dress anyway, it will coordinate. What you need to realize is, sometimes, its better to let other people haev what they want. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER.

You're over 50, you'll be having alzhiemers soon and wont even care.

There, I said it.

I don't have an answer for this, but I have to say that the "oh my GOD she's wearing the same dress as me!" thing looks REALLY silly when you've got a bunch of identically dressed guys standing around in their tuxes. LOL

Well your kids are getting married, surely you have an ok relationship with this woman? Just work it out like adults and decide who gets to keep the dress, or how about you both return the dresses and pick something out together?