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How should I handle my daughters tantrums?
My daughter is 2 weeks shy of 1 year old. I've been a stay-at-home mom since she was born. I have never been one to hold her all day long.
For the last month or so she completely freaks out when I put her down on the floor to play. Even if I get down to play with her she just screams & cries. The only time she doesn't freak is if I am busy - doing dishes, folding laundry, running the vacuum, dusting, etc. But the minute I sit down just to sit & take a break, she absolutely loses it.
What should I do? I don't want to give in & pick her up every time she throws a fit. Should I just leave her there & let her scream it out? Should I put her in her crib when she throws a fit? My nerves are starting to wear pretty thin right now & I'm just so tired of hearing constant screaming during my "breaks".
ps - I just had a miscarriage at 11 weeks last Tuesday, so on top of everything I am very emotional & hormonal right now. I'm trying not to let that be a factor, but sometimes it just crashes down on me.
9 Answers
- Gagazine.comLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
I am sorry about your loss. I know you must be frustrated, but your toddler is now testing waters and she's trying to see what she can do so she can get her way with you. Do not give in or give her any attention if she asks for it negatively. If you pay attention to her tantrum, it will only reinforce the behavior and trigger her to do it some more. If she's about to throw a tantrum, try to distract her to another activity. If not, make sure that she is in a safe place when she's throwing the tantrum. Reassure her only after she's calmed down and don't try to interrupt her in the middle of the tantrum because it will only make matters worse. For as long as she's safe, you can let her cry it out. If you are consistent with how you deal with her during a tantrum, she'll eventually learn that it's not a useful way in getting what she wants. Good luck!
- Marie S ZacharyLv 61 decade ago
It sounds to me like she can sense your pain. That's understandable. You lost your baby. You didn't know him or her but you lost your child. I think 'daughter' is clinging to you because she feels this change. Hold her in your arms. Rock her. Sing to her. Let her know how much she means to you. She is seeking attention from her mother. She needs to know that you're in control and everything is safe. In her mind if your not working you should be with her. Yes go in and pick her up. Then slowly and I mean SLOWLY ease her back into a schedule. It will take time but remember she's being affected by all of this too. She needs her mother. She needs her mother to BE A MOTHER. She needs her mother to parent her, not try to get her out of her hair. She's not throwing a fit for attention. She's throwing a fit because that's her means of communication. She is a BABY. She's not even a year old yet.
For now save her the sorrow
For now save her the tears
Save grief for somewhere years away
Just not today not here
- 1 decade ago
you're exactly right and you're doing the right thing!
do not give in and pick her up every time.. it will re enforce the behaviour and it will only get worse. explain that you can't pick her up right now because you're.. (having a rest etc), but you will come for a cuddle in a minute. if she starts crying then yes, you can leave her there to scream it out. tell her she can have a cuddle when she stops crying and as soon as she stops make a big deal of going over for a cuddle and say "oh, im so happy you've stopped crying. i love to give you cuddles but i won't pick you up if you're screaming at me." give lots of positive re enforcement once she has stopped crying. this way she will learn that crying does not achieve the goal. once she is a little older encourage her to say 'cuddle' instead of crying at you. explain that you need some time to rest sometimes too.
yes, it may mean putting up with a few big tantrums but she will quickly learn that screaming and crying is not the way to go and the tantrums will stop. by putting up with a bit of crying for the first couple of days you will save yourself years of crying to get what she wants.
good work!
- Mama of ZeeLv 51 decade ago
Kids are sensitive! I am sure that she senses that something is not right with you and senses your sadness and disconnection.
Since your child does not prevent you from getting your things done, I see no harm in holding her when she wants to be held. You're on a break .. there is no reason you can't cuddle with your daughter at those times.
It is a phase... she'll get over it. Don't worry about it. Don't try to punish her for needing some reassurance from you.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
DO NOT give in. If you do, she becomes the boss and you will spend the rest or her life obeying her. She needs to learn that the world does not revolve around her and that you are in charge. I wouldn't recommend time-outs because she won't understand. Spanking should be an absolute last resort, and that may not work either. It really depends on whether she understands that throwing a tantrum is wrong...
- Anonymous1 decade ago
first im very sorry to hear of your loss .
i have 2 kids and they are now 3 and 4 years old and what i found what worked best for them was when they did cry like that for me to hold them i would TRY to redirect their attention toward something else (toys, books,etc) if that didnt work i would ignore them until they got the point mommy isnt going to hold me im waisting my time . it sounds mean but shes not being deprived of attention you have your time with her and you also need a mommy time out for a bit without holding her. stay strong this too shall pass
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Throw a fit back. Stomp your feet, whine and cry, demand cookies. Had the same problem with my daughter and it worked like a charm. The other shoppers at Walmart did look at me a little funny though....
- 1 decade ago
slap her face ur raising her and feeding her she has no right to do that to you, be a good and strict parent, because they will turn out bratty, untill she can pay you back, your in control of her
- Anonymous1 decade ago
SPANK YOUR KIDS!!!!
I am a black male and my mama spank me everytime i was bad
NOW LOOK AT ME IM GETTING 80s AND I NEVER EVER DISRESPECT MY MOM
Dont go to hard