What should I tell my friend?

I agree with you Raji and Chocolate. My husband did the same thing years ago. I stayed separated from him after counseling when he laughed it off. He didn't do anal, but I was tired from taking care of five children all day and was dead tired. My fifth child was born at 28 weeks of pregnancy(7 months). My baby was born 2 lbs. 11 ounces, two months early, and I was in labor for eight painful days. I went into labor on the August 8, and gave birth to her August 16. My daughter stayed in the hospital for 7 weeks until she weighed 4 lbs. I pumped milk from my breast and froze it for her because I thought she stood a better chance at life with my milk. I was so afraid to put her in a regular baby bed that when she came home I lined a drawer. And taking care of 4 other daughters wiped me out during the day. I traveled to the hospital everyday after I was released.

Yet with with all that I was doing, I hadn't really healed yet. Still this monster of a husband, raped me in my sleep. Both of us are Naval Veterans. He was an alcoholic, but it wasn't until later that I discovered that he had progressed to using needles for heroin. My child was born in 1990. I finally left kicked him out June 11, 1996. It was my house, car, and I had the stable job. Counseling wasn't going to help him.

Tell her to put him out or go to a family member that will understand(mother, sister, cousin, you). If you truly love your friend, go to you local police station and ask for a domestic violence liaison officer. They will direct you to the nearest council. If she needs relocation, there will be a program that she can go through. I am an advocate of National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The program over here in St. Louis, Missouri is ROW(Rehabilitation Opportunities for Women). They counsel and reeducate women in financial, mental Hygiene, house buying classes, child Development, rental access, financial responsibility because it usually the abusers who hold the purse strings. This may not be the case with your friend. This is a six week course but when you complete it the client is issued an emergency section 8 voucher. The client will then have 60 days to locate a apartment or a home to use this voucher. My second oldest daughter went through this program when her son was shaken and thrown at the age of 2 1/2 months old. I'm posting the info below just in case she needs to contact them about similar programs in your area.

God bless you and your friend.

When the sex was done without her consent, even though it was her husband, it is rape. I would see if you can talk her into going to a therapist, but do it gently. If she is open with you about this, the suggestion is a good one, but don't push her. Just suggest it as being a good idea. Marriage counciler might be good too. NO ONE should take advantage of someone who is ill.

Your Friend's husband has raped her. Anytime that a person has sex with someone who is unconscious due to the influence of medication then the person who is having the sex with the unconscious person is committing rape, legally. For consensual sex to occur BOTH partners have to be willing, and capable of giving their unquestioning consent to which ever act is being proposed. She was legally unconscious and therefore incapable of giving her unmitigated consent. Her hubby went through with his nefarious designs on her and so, committed the legal crime of rape. He needs to be held accountable for his actions and needs to be made completely aware of what he has done. He is trying to avoid the responsibility by all of his excuses and by insisting on keeping it private he is trying to cover up his complicity in the crime of rape. He needs to have the law enforcement brought into this thing and at least be brought before a judge so that the judge can impress the import of what he has done to his wife.

Brightest Blessings,

Raji the Green Witch

She should leave him. That's akin to rape. And it's NOT funny. The fact that he thinks it is indicates that he's a pretty sick individual. She should probably get counseling. And her husband should get help, too. She'll probably end up leaving him. She will need your support, whatever she decides.

Wow.... yes, that is rape. I agree that she should seek counseling and possibly look at what she wants to do long term. Does she want to reconcile with him? If so, he needs to be going to marriage counseling with her. This is terrible. I am so sorry your friend had to suffer through this.

That is indeed rape, and any man who "thinks it's funny" is seriously mentally ill. He showed no respect to her or himself. Please get her to see a therapist and possibly a lawyer.

He claims that none of this is his fault? Bullcrap.

Best of luck to you and her.