New pagan with a question. (wall of text)?

Wiccan High Priestess here. There's no reason that you must discern a Matron/Patron Deity right away. As a matter of fact, it often takes a lot of time to recognize Patron Gods. Further, many Neo-Pagans find that they have several Matrons/Patrons, and that their relationships with Deities change a great deal over the course of their practices and studies.

If you are interested in developing a relationship with Deities Who might choose you, then you can suggest to yourself before sleep that you will dream of the Deity Who is most interested in you. However, you might just study different Deities and begin working with Them. Ultimately, you will receive communication in one form or another. There is really no rush at all.

I encourage you to study up on different Neo-Pagan Traditions and take a look at various qualified teachers who can guide you. Unless your girlfriend is a credentialed, teaching minister, she should not be your only source for learning about this new path (actually, she STILL shouldn't be your only source, even if she IS a teaching minister!).

Check out WitchVox.com for some local groups, great articles, etc.

I don't recommend starting a relationship with a god or goddess in this fashion. It gives all your power away. There is no right or wrong way to find your pagan path but I don't think it's a good idea to see yourself as unworthy of any god nor should the decision be put in the god's hands. The decision is always yours in the end.

Most Pagans do not "worship" a god, they "commune." If you cast yourself as the submissive looking for a god who is wanting someone to bow down to them, then you will attract that type of god or goddess. If you are looking for a more respectful relationship where you give the god or goddess respect and appreciation but do not necessarily give them all the power, then you are likely to attract a god who will work with you instead of through you.

The best way to find out which gods or goddesses you may be interested in communing with, is to investigate some of the more widely known pantheons...such as the Hellenistic, Norse, Egyptian, Celtic etc.

Once you've read up on the pantheons, you'll probably have an idea of which ones you feel most drawn to. Then start taking a closer look at the gods of that pantheon and some of the traditions around those gods or goddesses. Try reaching out to the ones that you would like to commune with and then wait to see if they reply.

Just because a specific god may seek you out, it does not mean that you should accept. Be choosy who you commune with and you'll be a whole lot happier in your path.

Edit:

I forgot to comment on the dream. Black, red and gray were the colors in your dream. Keep those in mind while you are investigating the pantheons, they may give you some clues into where you need to look further.

You're on the right track. Read, learn. If there is a pantheon that attracts you, read up on them. If you feel drawn to a deity, that's a good sign. Deities are often known by their symbols. In real life and the dream, look to see if anything is recurring. Rather than approach the alter, take the time to look around. More will be revealed, as your g/f said. Spirituality is a process that covers your life...not a quick destination.

your expereinces wont be the exact same as your girlfs

the point in being pagan is that its YOU, not a religion, not a beleif, you are you, and that includes the pagan part

it wont be exactly as you 'expect' , or want, what in life is eh!!!;-D

and i actually think its rare we understand it , we usually just have to do our best to interprate what we can

dreams, or awake,

its what is noticible to YOU, not to her, not to me, not to anyone else, just you

if you have something you now notice more, in dreams, or being awake, then thats possibly your 'signs' or whatever

i cant say you will be any less confused, im still prety confused about all i beleive and have expereinced

its not easy to interpriate it, thats kinda the problem

we just have to do our best with what we have

and live your life as you, and try to be happy

i think we naturally find our 'path' when we are ready to, even if we had it before and couldnt see it

now you can see it better

but i wouldnt claim you will be less confused at any point, or that i know what you are to do

cos i dontknow, you just , live your life

:-)

Dreams are the work of the subconscious, the meaning would be personal to you. You seem to be rejecting your girlfriends ideas and you feel trapped.

Don't ever have a belief that you think you need... to keep a friend.

Your g/f is probably correct. Just wait, when the time is right the answers will be there for you.

A dream is just a dream.