"The Canada" Part Two would be honored for any to opine?

I will say, narrative has not always been my strong gift. You have the narrative gift, my friend.

Example:

"Freezing, Wet, Fearful, Frightened

Day would never come for we belonged to this night

If it be our last then there would be a fight

But it was not us about to engage in battle"...

This is quite good writing. A point: I have often been criticized for using too much punctuation in my poetry and those who said so were correct. In a writer's excitement to share what's inside, it is easy to try and punctuate too much. This is a tell-tale sign of passionate writing, but it can also take away from the content. 'Just a little diddly I thought I'd share. Part III, looking forward to it!

Edit: I respect Michael's answer, but do not agree. There IS passion in 'dem dar hills.

Constructive criticism should be pondered, but do not let it curtail your gift.

I read the good answers above and agree, but I want to add, I read your poetry, and like a good book that I can't put down, I want to keep reading it! Another star so I can continue to follow. I have enjoyed camping for almost all my 70 years. We use to use a tent, and I remember that you don't touch the edge of those old tents during a rainstorm or you are going to get wet! Ha!

Hey again! Sorry it's taken me s'long to get 'round to these, but weekend was awesome, though busy! Again, insofar as actual step-by-step critique goes, I'd await the entire effort and see it alll, each section weighed against the others, for the best outlook! Still, you continue to receive enlightened and passionate commentary...be grateful for that! Many are simply passed by...a certain sign you should be lookin' to a new HOBBY! ;)

The story continues to grip, but this time I'll share another generic bit of advice...don't oversell your work...let it advertise itself...baiting its own reviews on its own weight! Your excitement IS contagious, but may not, in fact, translate as such to the reception of your work...simply on principle! We live in a world of sensational journalism and advertisement; folks are generally a wee bit leary of the TOO-BUILT-UP! Not sayin' this was, but definitely sayin' I can only say that for me!

So just quit teasin' us with what may or may not be and get on with the next installment!

I enjoyed this, even looked forward to it and you have some good, positive answers, in suggestions.

I too would keep it narrative/story tellin poem, but just go back after maybe and read it aloud for the sense of the flow the reader feels. I think it's becoming a good thing to save, and yes it could have been written in book form, but I think it stands strong now.

Plenty of suspense at the end of part two and looking forward to part three. You can tell a good story. I think your writing shows improvement on the first part of your poem which you posted yesterday. You have taken note of the critique offered to you , and you have shortened your lines.

Can't wait for part three tomorrow Thomas?

Your poem drew me right in and held my attention all the way through, which is a feat in itself since I'm so easily distracted. I enjoyed the story a lot and look forward to reading more.

I am no expert but, from my point of view, WELL DONE!!!

Bravo, bravo...please take a bow!

Yes, it is quite good. I did read part I, but was out of time to answer. I looked forward to the next in your series.

Don't use so many !!!! it is a sign of an immature writer.

You have good cliff hanger endings.

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As a continuing narrative story, engaging to say the least. As I said yesterday, consistent rhyme, even line length would help more but those are things you can fix. Telling a story is something you know how to do which I would be more critical if you didn't.

I am ready please continue. Else I will be on the edge of my seat all day and won't get anything done.

This is majorly intense. I see sparks, and smell smoke- the Surreal is perfect, that's how events so chaotic feel at times...

Wow Thomas, talk about leaving us in suspense! Good job you've

done, w/o question, and hope to see the next part asap! Left

wondering'.....waiting and wondering.....great story/poem and job!