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Will you c/c this first draft acrostic please?
See http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201111... for original question.
Wintry Days
by Victoria Tarrani
© 201111.21
Wind whips the leaves so far away
in brightest light and chilly days.
Need for breakfast, eat hot omelet.
Take gloves, bundle in a jacket.
Rain fall may quickly turn to snow;
yesterday's warm sunshine echoes.
Don't skate upon the icy sweep,
always recall the lake is deep!
You know its waters are frigid
shocks you; mind no longer lucid.
.
I use a rhyming dictionary. Sometimes I disagree with them, but most of the time they are very good.
tori
~
NOTE 11/27/11
I was rhyming in couplets, yes. It is a perfectly good format for poetry; though not one I generally use. Thanks, any other heart for recognizing that speech patterns may affect how a poem is read. That is a very good point.
The rhyme is on the last syllable. The questionable rhymes are:
omeLET, jacKET (like pocket). SnOW, ecHOes which works because using echoes plural you find that the last two letters are like a breath. Finally friGID, luCID (like candid) are acceptable rhymes. The one I was most concerned about was jacket and omelet, but since they are in a rhyming dictionary emphasizing the last syllable, I accepted them.
It is a first draft, and I will take all of your wisdom for the final. I value everyone who provides explicit, concrete comments. Like any writer, I adore those who praise the poem since we are always putting ourselves on the firing line.
I wrote it fast, and didn't think it was very good. But I'm happier with it now.
Thank you all!
tori
~
18 Answers
- THE BANNIBAL ONELv 710 years agoFavorite Answer
Wintry Days are always the best for me.
Always looking forward to peace.
Yearning for quiet and snow covered trees.
Totally awesome poem.
Only you can write this way.
Goodbye,enjoy the night,
Over and out..nothing more to say.
WAY TO GO
byeeexxx
- Any Other HeartLv 410 years ago
This was a good poem, the last 6 or so lones are my favorite all of them kinda standn out instead of just one or two. It might be just the difference in pronunciation but I had a problem or two with the rhythm just very slightly and that then threw off the rhyme somewhat. Have you read this aloud? Again it could just be a difference of speech but in my ears the lines ending in "omelet" and "echoes" are off by a syllable or two, the last one might be too but it is barely noticeable.
Thank you for sharing this, I am still in bed but I hope it is not quite this wintry when I do look out my window haha.
- 10 years ago
I almost missed this jewel.
You captured the essence of the change in weather very well.
I know some of the rhymes are unusual, but they do work with the emphasis on the last syllable. I enjoyed the Wintry Days and snow from afar!
I love the poem.
.
Source(s): . Jess - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- 10 years ago
I enjoyed that, Tori.
All the little things you thought of, that we are now implementing.
Yes, yesterday's warm sunshine is just an echo and the temperature drops.
It is clear and I know it will be a long winter.
.
Source(s): . Rob - ?Lv 710 years ago
Tori
I always like your poems, and this is no different.
Were you trying to rhyme in sets of two's
Looks like it, and they are not dead on rhymes
Reason I ask is if that was the intention I like
it. I do the same thing and get it close enough.
Trying to learn not only to write, but to be a critique
as well sister. You know that and that I love you
as well, always.
your brother
Bri
- ?Lv 410 years ago
Yes its a rhyming kind of a poem and I think you have above average writing skills but I thought your poem was okay. Its a nice average poem.
Source(s): Poems - 10 years ago
Brrrr...... I can feel the cold. It reminds of my youth.
Once my daughter wanted to stand on the ice, she was about 4, but we wouldn't let her. The ice was at least 6 feet thick and would be safe, but better than a 4--year-old not think it is safe at all.
Thanks for the memories.
.
Source(s): . Harry - 10 years ago
You quickly captured the wind and let its breeze grow strong to move the dying leaves from the tree. I want to paint that.
I like the advice you give too. Sometimes we forget when something changes that it can be more dangerous.
I like this poem.
.
Source(s): . Lemonade
