Mil and I have fallen out big time!?

Oh dear it is a difficult situation, you say you love your MIL dearly then you say you have never stood up to her or told her when she's pissed you off. Doesn't sound like a loving relationship to me?

Look you are not under any obligation to feel "love" for your husbands mother. She doesn't love you, you have taken her beloved son from her, MILs are in competition for the affections of their son's with their DILs. I haven't spoken to my elderly MIL for 5 years I am not included on Christmas cards or mentioned in phone calls. She thinks I dragged her then 53 year old son from the UK to a foreign country (Ireland) & now he doesn't visit her any more & she blames me. Do I care? No. Slightly different for you with small children though, I do sympathise.

Where is he in all this? He should be diffusing this situation with his mother & trying to placate her. Sounds as though has never stood up to her & is happy to let you sort this out yourself, she is used to getting her own way by it seems if she is having a tantrum & not seeing the children, punishing you for daring to believe what your child said!

Now I don't mean to upset you but 5 year olds can be devious & tell lies they do have that capacity at this age, not saying your daughter did make stuff up, your MIL may well have said spiteful things that she overheard (or was allowed to hear) but kids do say things knowing they are going to get a reaction they have no concept of causing hurt or the power games us adults play.

Ring your MIL & say that maybe your daughter did make stuff up & you didn't mean to cause any upset by what you said but DO NOT SAY THE WORD SORRY OK you have nothing to be sorry for. She is the one making a mountain out of a molehill. This should calm the situation down.

Just leave it, it's not worth falling out over. As a Grandma I know how children can get the wrong end of things, what was said might have been taken out of context.

Life is too short for this. My Asian DIL has refused to let me see my 2 Grandsons for the past year for stupid spiteful reasons and I am grieving. Let it go and start again. You could do with MILs help and the kids will miss her.

Agree to disagree and carry on from there.

UK

No matter what anyone advises you to do, you'll have doubts.

There's a reason only you know as to why you don't believe your mother in law. What you have to decide is if your feeling is justified or not. Maybe something she's said in the past has you doubting her today. Maybe it was something she did that you think you've forgotten but you really haven't.

From my experience, kids lie. They seem to like it when the lies they tell cause problems with others They like upset and fighting. I never understood that but it's the truth.

My advice would be to talk to your mother in law. Not a huge conversation at first. Just a "Hey! Just seeing how you're doing!" Something like that to maybe break the ice. If she acts cold, don't push it. At least she knows you're trying. If she continues with the conversation, do more listening than talking. You won't be the one giving in. You'll be the one that's stronger. Good luck!.

Sounds like you are having a power struggle with your MIL. In MIL situations, I think avoidance is always the best approach versus confrontation. You can never, never, never, ever win with confrontation, and it just makes life miserable. I would recommend you apologize, let her "win", and then avoid her like the plague. She'll get the message, and that might help improve her behavior. Never, ever, ever confront. It just doesn't work with an older woman/younger woman dynamic.

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