Wedding Etiquette: Step-Mother?

You're overthinking this. A small gift for your step-mother is not going to make your mother or future mother-in-law think that you are trying to make your step-mother take their place. If your mom or FMIL throw a hissy fit over this, then they have serious issues that you wouldn't be able to solve even if you totally ignored your step-mother.

She's your father's wife, and it's just common courtesy and good manners to include her in the wedding, and not to leave her out if parent gifts are being presented. Get her a gift card, a little piece of jewelry, a fancy box of chocolates, or a picture frame, and pair it with a nice card thanking her for her support. Ask your dad for gift suggestions if you are really stuck on ideas.

And make sure she's got a corsage for the wedding, and that she's seated near the front and possibly escorted by an usher in the very beginning of the ceremony. I would put your mom in the first row behind the bridesmaids, and your dad and step-mom in the row behind them ... unless your parents are civil to each other and are O.K. sitting in the same row together.

You don't need to give her a gift. She might feel awkward receiving it anyway, since you never even lived together. You were grown up and out of the house, your relationship with her is totally different.

Give the mothers their presents privately. That way no one is put on the spot or made to feel awkward.

Your mothers wont think that at all & she is one of the mothers. Please include her in the gift giving as you don't want hurt feelings on your wedding day. I believe if you choose not to include her you will regret it the day of and feel uncomftorble.

I don't think you have a problem here. Parent gifts are personal, meaning they're usually given privately. So either get her something lesser or nothing at all. She's not "owed" anything, so it's really your call.

Give her something less expensive.